01: phone textage

[synonymouswithdookie]

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Comments

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

If we were telemarketers, what would we even be selling?

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

i dunno insurance or somITS TALKING BACK WHY

WHY IS IT TALKING BACK

LOOK GOVERNMENT IM NOT FUCKING AROUND I KNOW MY RIGHTS

GET OUT OF MY PHONE

[Text]

[shiromadoushi]

Too late, you already dialed in, we have taken control~

Re: [Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

BULLSHIT

I OPT OUT

taken control of what exactly. I mean if I'm still getting my paychecks and stuff i guess i don't really care

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Real people, not the government. And only some of us are completely batshit.

Re: Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

oh thank god that's completely reassuring

no really is this one of those shitty reality tv shows or something. is honey boo boo gonna jump out and start screaming things at me. what's the deal?

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Not here to be reassuring.

And things are screwed up and horrible enough without that kind of crap. [Why would you even mention that? Ugh, ugh, ugh.] Not a show. Unbelievable as it sounds, it's actually all real.

[Text]

[soulsborderline]

But are you satisfied with your present car insurance?

[Text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

actually no i think you should give me some quotes.

[Text]

[soulsborderline]

Our records show you drive a 1998 Honda Civic like a loser who can't afford a better car. Is this correct?

video;

[hollowleg]

[Here kid, have a creepy white skinned guy with sharp ass teeth chewing on what seems to be a piece of copper wire]

Nope. 100% real. Welcome to the madhouse of the Numbers Club.

video;

[synonymouswithdookie]

[this kid's like 26 but he's young at heart. well no he's a crotchety paranoid old man at heart but hey

and he's also staring at you like he's going out of his mind. because he is.]

Uh huuuuh. What are my chances of being put on the 'do not call' list?

video;

[hollowleg]

[oh well older than shiro. OH WELL. EVERYONE IS A BRAT WHY NOT.]

None. Sorry man. You're here forever! ... Or until you randomly forget. [chew chew chew] Might as well get settled in. [a grin] While you're here, can I interest you in a new life insurance policy? Hehehehe! [the laugh is distorted, too. WHAT A CREEPY GUY]

[steinsgatehaschosen]

This isn't the work of the government. No, it's something far worse!

[synonymouswithdookie]

Worse than the government? What's worse than the government?

[steinsgatehaschosen]

This is the work of none other than The Organization themselves!

video {iphone}

[ursoreckless]

[here, have a strange looking Japanese guy dressed in samurai armor branish a katana at the screen]

Evil demon how dare you disturb me in my moment of glory!

Re: video {iphone}

[synonymouswithdookie]

[I'll see your strange looking japanese guy and raise you one pissed off/confused barista]

So this town really is just insane, isn't it.

video {iphone}

[ursoreckless]

That's what happens when you open the doors to anyone with a sword and an attitude.

[ and now someone in the background is yelling 'SAMURAI IN FIVE MINUTES' ]

Oops, might have to go. We're storming the castle today.

[Video]

[originaloddcouple]

Setting the government on fire sounds like an awful idea.

And dangerous!

And generally bad for the economy!

Please don't set the government on fire.

We'd really appreciate it!

Re: [Video]

[synonymouswithdookie]

Oh God there's two of them.

Re: [Video]

[originaloddcouple]

Uh... yes, yes there are.

[...]

I'm Miria Dian...

And I'm Isaac Dian...

[...]

Y'alright?

text;

[eras]

how rude!
and yes we are real people
i am not sure anyone could imagine quite so many of us
but i would be impressed if you had tbh

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

What can I say, I have a vivid imagination.

So okay, you may be real people but that doesn't mean you're not totally battynuggets.

text;

[eras]

i am perfectly sane tyvm! :o
currently i mean
i guess that could change