savetheearth | 01: phone textage

Entry tags:

01: phone textage

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I wanted to do it. Guess I wanted to uphold family tradition or something.

Fair enough. [[Bakura shrugs, peering through the trees a moment, judging distance]]

Yeah, here should be good. Ready? [[there's a bit of a smirk as he turns to face Ray, taking on a bit of an arrogant stance.]]

[Ray rolls his eyes at Bakura's display. because Ray is a douche.]

Not at all, but go ahead.

[[Totally ignoring the eye roll as he closes his eyes, hand over his chest in concentration. ]]

DIABOUND! COME FORTH!

[[He arches back a touch, hands moving as if pulling apart an unseen barrier as a bright glowing light all but explodes up from behind him, shooting up a good 10 feet into the air before solidfying into a giant half man, half snake monster that floats a few inches off the ground, the lower snake sliding around to curl protectivly around the teenager.

The creature isn't solid, however. The tree branches go right through as if it isn't even there.]]

[give him a moment he is just staring dumbfoundedly in silence here.]

[And then freaking shit like a mature adult]

WHAAAAAAAT. WHAT THE FUCK!? BULLSHIT! THAT'S BULLSHIT, NO WAY!

PROJECTORS, RIGHT!? YOU'VE GOT CAMERAS AND SCREENS AND SHIT UP! What is this WHAT IS THIIIIIIIIIIS!?

[[Time for a shiteating grin]]

In the woods? I dare you to find them.

[Ray DRAMATICALLY dives into the nearest bush to do JUST THAT. HE IS DETERMINED TO PROVE SHENANIGANS]

Oh, I'll FIND your projector! I'll find it and beat you over the head with it!

Sure sure~ [[crosses his arms in deep amusement, even as Diabound does the same]] We'll wait~

[a minute or two later, Ray crawls out of the bush and starts picking leaves out of his hair.]

Okay, so you hid it really good! Make that thing do tricks or something!

[[a snort.]] Tricks? Like what? Shall he pretend to eat you?

[[a pause]] Sure, why not. Diabound!

[[the snake tail whips out as if to attack, wrapping around Ray once, the mouth hissing. There's an odd feeling of something being there, but nothing tangible.]]

[oh fuck oh FUCK CUE CREEPED OUT FLAILING]

NO. NONONO THAT'S FINE DON'T DO TRICKS! STOP DOING THE...eh... THING!!!

Going to believe me that he's real now?

[[The snake slowly unwinds, glaring a bit before going back to loosely curving around Bakura. All the while the top half of Diabound just watches impassively]]

YES, OKAY, IT'S REAL. IT'S REAL! Just turn it off or whatever!

[Well that was certainly the most terrifying thing ever. Pardon Ray as he digs in his pocket for his cigarettes]

As you wish~

[[And suddenly Diabound and Bakura vanish from sight.

Trick number 2 is still a new one, so he won't be invisible for long, but juuust enough, he hopes!]]

[WELL SHIT that was so startling Ray managed to burn himself with his lighter while trying to light his cigarette.]

Oh shit, did that thing eat you!? DID IT EAT YOU!? OH COME ON! What am I supposed to tell your parents!? "Mr. and Mrs. Bacon I'm sorry but your ugly kid was eaten by a demon snake man"!? I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS!

As if he would do that.

[[Bakura's voice? Now behind you Ray. Still no sign of him, however.]]

And like I said, it's Bakura. Ba-Ku-Ra~

[[and with that, he fades into visibility again as his baa runs out and Diabound returns to his soul.]]

[Hearing Bakura behind him, Ray spins on his heel looking like he's about ready to backhand someone. Buuut there's nobody there. That is until Bakura is suddenly NOT INVISIBLE anymore. Ray yelps in a quite unmanly fashion and falls right on his ass while he tries to back away.

Give him a second, he's still registering just what the fuck is going on]

DON'T DO THAT!!!

[[And Bakura just laaauughs like the little shit he is before offering a hand to help Ray back up]]

Say my name right and I'll consider it~

[Ray glares at that hand as though it just insulted his granny or something before finally taking it and pulling himself up]

Fine. Bakura. Happy now?

Yup! [[a smile as he helps haul Ray to his feet. He's actually got a fair bit of strength in that skinny ass frame of his]]

Good. Now don't tell anybody I fell on my ass.

Deal. [[a grin as he dusts off his hands]]

So yeah. Welcome to your life, courtesy of the Numbers Club. 90% of everything mentioned on there? Real. Zombies, werewolves, vampires and monsters.

What about the last ten percent? Which ones are fake?

Most anything Tavia or Marisa says!

Though it's not so much that that 10% is fake is that a lot of times no one has any bloody clue what the fuck so it's a wrong guess.

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