01: phone textage

[synonymouswithdookie]

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Comments

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Real people, not the government. And only some of us are completely batshit.

Re: Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

oh thank god that's completely reassuring

no really is this one of those shitty reality tv shows or something. is honey boo boo gonna jump out and start screaming things at me. what's the deal?

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Not here to be reassuring.

And things are screwed up and horrible enough without that kind of crap. [Why would you even mention that? Ugh, ugh, ugh.] Not a show. Unbelievable as it sounds, it's actually all real.

Re: Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

well hey at least you're honest.

so Ashton Kutcher isn't gonna jump out of my closet when i get home and tell me i've been punk'd? good to know. though i'm not sure i like the idea of the creepy magic number hotline thing being real.

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Don't have to like it. Did you at least get some idea of what's going on?

Re: Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

kind of? in all honesty i've been trying to ignore it and just hoping it'll go away.

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

It's not going to just go away.

Re: Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

Lovely. In other words, I should pull my head out of my ass and figure this shit out for myself, yeah?

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Basically.

[And here's a link popping up on your screen.] This is an FAQ one of us made a while back. Bit out of date, though. We haven't heard from the guy who made it for a while.

Re: Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

holy shit this is crazy

and useful

but mostly crazy

does anyone know what happened to that guy oooor what. because that sounds just a bit unsettling.

Text | Laptop

[icy_heavens]

Nobody's sure. Could've left town, or had something happen to him. Lost a couple people in bad ways, but we don't know one way or the other with him.

Text | Laptop

[synonymouswithdookie]

Super.

Thanks for the information, pal. Anything else I should know?