savetheearth | 01: phone textage

Entry tags:

01: phone textage

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Like you've never screwed around with a newbie just because you could. Human nature.

maybe once. or twice. but never over anything important!

Like you would have listened even if I had gone right into info mode?

Besides. You got the FAQ.

Yes. Yes I did. I don't know why I'm still talking to you.

Because work is slow and you haven't anything better to do.

So. You got my name, what's yours?

Ray Zimmerman, Destroyer of Souls.

Welcome to Wonderland, Ray Zimmerman, Destroyer of Souls. As reward for surviving all my jackassery, you may ask 3 questions that I will attempt to answer to the best of my ability.

oh snap that's so nice of you.

[all sarcasm all the time]

actually I don't have any right now that nice little FAQ thing seems to have covered everything. I'll get back to you on that.

Treasure it, it doesn't happen often.

What doesn't. Which part?

Both really. Me being nice and things being covered so that you aren't confused as all hell with a million questions no one can answer.

yaaaaaaay good for me I have an advantage over all the other confused newbies. I just feel so special right now.

Special comes later when you start turning into a cyborg. Or a vampire. Or maybe you'll be the first tentacle monster in the group!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOPE I WANT OUT OF THE CLUB NOW

The only way out is to move~

i have friends in arizona i'm moving there right now

Have fun! Don't get sunburnt! And hope that the batshit radius doesn't expand~

Fuck, is that something that can happen?

No idea. We're trying to find out where the barrier of memory is and last time someone tried that it was different for each person.

I GUESS I'll stay here then. My cat hates moving anyway.

Better to be on the front line of the invasion anyway, right? That way you actually can have a clue what's going on and hopefully gain a superpower too.

What invasion? Are we being invaded now!? WAS THAT IN THE FAQ. WHY DIDN'T I READ THE WHOLE THING.

Should be.

And depending how you consider it, yeah. There are these assholes who referred to themselves as gardeners who claim that the Earth is theirs and they're reclaiming it or some shit like that. I didn't go on the forum they tried to lure people into because I'm not a fucking moron or a hacker. But they're trying to kill us because we're in the way of their plans to pave the way for the alien invasion.

aliens aren't even real this is bullshit BULLSHIT what the fuck

WHAT IF I STAY OUT OF THEIR WAY, WOULD THEY KILL ME ANYWAY

Considering that we know for a fact now that vampires, werewolves and zombies are real? Yeah, aliens. I'm sure it's just a matter of time til we get one of those too. Might even have one or two already, since a few guys on here have had their blood change colour.

And pretty sure they still would. Pretty sure if they get their way, everyone on the planet is going to die. Because no one ever spares the turncoats, so those fuckers who are working for them to betray humanity aren't going to be able to enjoy not being dead when everyone else is. If they even live that long.

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