savetheearth | 01: phone textage

Entry tags:

01: phone textage

So after a few months of being in complete denial that I am quite possibly at least a little bit insane, I decided to check out this... magical psychic hotline number network thingy. Or whatever it is. I've come to the conclusion that you are all straight up batshit, and that I probably shouldn't have bothered for the sake of my own mental well being.

But fuck it. Work's dead and I don't have anything better to do right now.

But no seriously are you real people or am I just texting my brand new imaginary friends or something. Maybe you are people. Maybe you're evil telemarketers, and telemarketer technology has advanced to the point of transmitting numbers directly into people's brains. Or no better yet, maybe it's an elaborate government spy tool or something. I don't THINK anyone drilled anything into my skull during basic, but it could happen. Maybe THE MAN is watching me text crazyness to myself RIGHT NOW through my own brain.

Dear Government, if this is you get the fuck out of my brain before I set you on fire.

(just in case this IS the government, i won't actually set you on fire I'M SORRY)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Aaaand I guess there's no actual way to test this theory, is there.

Short of digging up the entire city in hunt for it? None at all. Tells you something that that's the best guess we've got.

Wow I'm just feeling better and better about this whole situation.

[[a small laugh]] It's not as bad as it seems at first. Especially when you start getting super powers and shit like that from the flashbacks.

I'm pretty sure my flash back was of a fast food joint, though.

What if I was even more pathetic then than I am now?

[[that makes him actually pause a moment, looking over]] ....Seriously?

Lamer than the trench coat... [[shakes his head, resuming his walk]]

First ones are kinda lame anyway. I just got these scars. [[holds up his left hand which looks like it had something punched through it and then traces the line under his eye]] Didn't even realize they were flashback stuff until I went to Japan over summer.

But see, scars are way more badass than fast food. Even if you can't remember why you have them or something, you can make up something awesome like... you fought off a bear or a mountain lion.

[[a shrug]]Normally I just tell people they're from the accident and they shut up real quick.

Was it at least like.. weird fast food? Like radioactive spamburgers from outerspace or whatever. Fast Food restaurant at the end of the Galaxy deal.

What acci-wait. That sounds like "none of my business" territory.

That. THAT'S TOTALLY IT. I mean, I don't think it was radioactive but there was some WEIRD SHIT. Maybe it was German or something?

But Germany's where the hamburger came from, right? So they'd have normal ones. Maybe Australian? Were there giant spiders involved?

[Hang on he's thinking REALLY HARD]

I don't think so. I just remember an asshole manager and I didn't like him. I can't even remember what he looked like, though.

That could be anywhere though. Pretty sure it's an established fact that all fast food managers are assholes.

[[one moment, he's picturing a certain pharaoh as a fast food manager. Heh. Not that he remembers much what that guy looks like, but it's enough.]]

I know. It doesn't really help me narrow it down at all.

Doubtful anything will any time soon. Unless you find yourself remembering being in outer space or talking to Queen Victoria or challenging a pharaoh to a monster fight, it's kinda hard to pinpoint much in terms of where and what the fuck.

Okay, all of that sounds insane, but challenging a pharaoh to a monster fight? What kinda fucked up Egypt is that?

[[a grin]]Only the most insane fucked up Egypt of all! There was magical items made from the slaughter of an entire village, corrupt priests working for an even more corrupt pharaoh who would seal the spirit beasts of people they deemed "evil" and use them to fight with themselves against other "evil" people who knew what bastards they were.

See, I never paid attention in my history classes, but I don't remember anything that fucked up.

Alternate history, has to be. I've tried finding when anything like that might even be, but there wasn't any mention of anything that matched anywhere. Closest I found was some insane new age bullshit book, and when the author starts out talking about the aliens that she channeled to write you know you're not dealing with reality anyway.

Are we pulling alternate dimensions into this shit now too? I guess I shouldn't be surprised at this point, but damn.

Pretty much have to. Nothing else makes sense unless you're really into overly complicated conspiracy theories.

And even then, you'd have to factor in time travel.

I'm too lazy for complicated conspiracy theories. Alternate dimensions suits me just fine.

Good. Cause you're going to have to get used to them.

[[He paused, leaning his bike up against a mailbox before crouching down to lock it up.]]

Makes it make a lot more sense and seem less insane to just wave it off as that anyway.

How is that any less insane?

[ray paused to put out his cigarette, aaand then glanced over his shoulder like he just realized something]

I left my damn car at the damn park. Like a moron.

Not like you need it for pizza. You can head back for it later. [[but he might look a bit amused as he gets up and dusts his hands off]]

And it's less insane because if it's another world, it's another set of rules. So it could be perfectly normal to be a werewolf in Victorian London or a spaceman or anything else.

I guess I could use the exercise anyway. I've been pretty lazy lately.

Anyway. How does that help us here? We're still weirdos here no matter what different "rules" are floating around out there in the universe or whatever, y'know?

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