savetheearth | 1st ♒ text

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1st ♒ text

[Needless to say, this is a little strange and he stares at his ipad for a good few moments before deciding to make a post on the network he's apparently just gained access to. Of course, not reading anything like the FAQ or whatever. He hardly has the patience for that. Pshh. Besides, why read that shit when people could inform him themselves? See? Much easier.]

alright so
here i am doin nothin but browsin tumblr at the local starbucks
rebloggin some shit enjoyin my cinnamon dolce cappuccino
when i saw some random ass post that reminded me of these bleedin numbers from for fuck ever ago
not even sure why it did considerin it had literally nothin to do with these fuckin numbers but whatever
so here i am again thinkin id fuck around and see if they DO anythin
low and fuckin behold what the shit is this
some sorta secret network i had no idea about with a one way ticket to it through some arbitrary as fuck numbers that i never was able to forget
im surprised to say the damn least of it
always kinda thought those numbers were utter poppycock at best just some stupid shit i remembered for no apparent reason other than to drive me mad
fancy that i was wrong that dont happen often

whatever enough fuckin babblin who the fuck are you people and what the fuck is this?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

while i have my reasonable doubts about THAT
i bet you look similarly ugly enough to pull off a compellin impersonation
im eri ampora
now who are you really

Lol wow.
Pretty rude! Jsyk the last person around here to call me ugly 8 his words HARDCORE. Might want to take that 8ack 8efore I school you with my INCREDI8LE good looks and make you look dum8 as hell, 8ro. :::;)
8ut ok! For real this time.
I am wanted terrorist Octavia Serket! From the news!
Gr8 to meet you. Really gr8!

so
youre pretty much dead set on spewin nothin but asinine bullshit huh

SIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.
I tried, 8ro! I helpfully and 8enevolently tried to avoid this whole awkward situ8tion where you get completely humili8ted. I tried so hard and got so far. 8ut in the end, it didn't even matter! ::::C
Google "Octavia Serket" to get my cool terrorist mugshot if you need reference. And prepare to get your tiny unfortun8 mind 8lown sky-high!!!!!!!!

[ Annnd after allowing a minute or so for any necessary googling to take place, she switches to Shitty-Webcam-O-Vision. HER HAIR IS GLORIOUS AND BOTH MIDDLE FINGERS ARE RAISED. SUCH TRIUMPH. ]

This is the bit where you eat your words and maybe also choke on them a teeny-tiny super miniscule little bitty bit. I'll wait!

[Okay sure, he'll google her mugshot, whatever. He vaguely remembers seeing something on the news about some terrorist or something a while back, but to be honest? He really wasn't paying attention to it at all. But sure enough, by the time she turns on her video, he has her mugshot up. He looks between the two, hmming at the similarities. Maybe she's not full of shit! And she's kind of a total babe, whoops.]

well
this means two things
1) you definitely most probably ARE that terrorist
2) you sure do hype yourself up like youre some reincarnate of aphrodite herself when youre actually pretty plain lookin

so is this some secret terrorist network then because i cant really say i want any part in bein some stupid ass wanted criminal

[He's actually acting a lot more calm than he feels. He's talking to a wanted criminal HAAA... WHAT A DAY THIS HAS TURNED OUT TO BE.]

[ There's time for one final irritated hairflip before turning the vidya off. Because when is it not the time for hairflips geez ]

Your ASS is plain. And for your inform8tion Aphrodite 8n't shit!
Not when you are a genuine reincarn8tion of Pir8te Fairy Jesus. Which is WAY 8etter and cooler and more prestigious. Suck on that (and also a dick)!!!!!!!!
Also this 8n't a terrorist network. Except it KIND OF is? 8ut mostly it pro8a8ly isn't.
It is a network for cool magical people with incredi8ly impressive powers and shit! I can only assume that YOU stole some8ody else's num8er and got here 8y accident somehow.

yeah no my ass is AWESOME but im not one to go advertisin it like some desperate tool who needs attention
kinda like this chick i met recent who types in this cerulean color you might know her
also are you completely retarded? jesus wasnt a pirate OR a fairy im pretty sure you are singularly the most idiotic person ive talked to on this network
oh my bad for not bein some fictional freak with fake ass powers and im actually NORMAL again my fuckin bad
so what is this some sort of larpin network for nerds who think theyre the superheros with amazing ridiculous powers or somethin and they got unlucky enough to get a plain jane terrorist in their ranks
i almost feel bad for them

Edited 2014-01-24 18:32 (UTC)

I almost feel 8ad for YOU.
Aaaaaaaalmost! :::;D
Remem8er that whole thing that literally just happened? That thing where you dou8ted what I was saying and you got super schooled and it was a8solutely the most em8arrassing thing that has ever happened to you in your life (except for your FACE)?

[ See Octavia.

See Octavia raise both middle fingers again.

See Octavia unfold her ridiculous glowy-ass fairy wings in a way that is simultaneously showoffy and nonchalant. IT'S A TALENT ]

Holy fuckballs look at these super real Jesus wings that I actually fucking have. And they are so Jesus wings! Because past me came from a planet where the queen was a mermaid and giant spiders stole babies from their loving parents and Jesuses had fairy wings. Eat it!

[He actually flips on video to show off his entirely stoic and nonplus expression--mainly because the surprise at seeing the wings was well hidden before he turns on the video. HE'S RIDICULOUSLY SMOOTH.]

So...

[He starts, taking an obnoxious sip of his cappuccino, clearly trying to play up how unimpressed he is! He's pretty sure this has to be fake.]

You know how to make some convincin' as hell costume fairy wings. That doesn't really prove anythin'.

[He's honestly being obtuse on purpose, because this is just too much to believe.]

Edited 2014-01-24 18:47 (UTC)

[ Octavia blinks once. In the time it takes for her to do so, she has performed the requisite actions that take place whenever she meets someone new: namely, she has internally ranked Purple Newbie's appearance in comparison with every other person she has ever met. Ever.

(Verdict: Acceptably hot, minus points for being irritating but plus points for eyebrows which are second only to Shouty Boyfriend's. Butt ranking: currently pending.)

She's very thorough, okay. ]

You reeeeeeeeally like setting yourself up for this stuff, huh.

[ THEATRICAL SIGH TIME. Before she hops off her shitty beanbag chair, flies around the room and flomps back down.

There is glitter. Fucking. Everywhere. ]

Neat costume. Riiiiiiiight?

[And that butt will probably be pending for a while, don't hold your breath Octavia, Eri isn't one to show his ass to criminals.]

Yeah, whatev--

[And then she's flying. Flying. And he's stuck just kind of staring and looking like a complete dumbass. There you go Octavia. You did it. You made Eri look dumber than he usually does!]

..................................................

[Give him a moment.]

What the actual fuck?!

[Okay that's not much better, but at least he said something??]

Fairy. Pirate. Jesus. Duh! Would you like to dribble and gibber and shriek some more about how incredibly fakey-fake-fake and fraudulent and not real I am?

[ BWAHAHAHA she is enjoying this far too much

The middle fingers might not be on display right now, but they are raised in spirit ]

[YEAH HE'S... calming down a little, just. What the fuck what the fuck???]

Okay... Look, you may be some freaky freak fairy creature, but I don't get where this Jesus business is comin' from. You're not Jesus.

[He almost just wants to stop responding to the network right now, go home, and lay down. This is entirely too much. He's almost convinced this is some stupid dream. Did he get drunk last night? Is he actually in bed right now having weird as fuck alcohol induced dreams? HE CAN'T EVEN TELL.]

[ OUCH. Being referred to as a creature hits a sore spot. Luckily, Tavia's acting skills are so fantastically amazing that this doesn't show at alAAHAHAHAHAHA NO IT'S SUPER OBVIOUS WOW.

She's not commenting on it, though. Just looking supremely butthurt. ]

I am so a Jesus! I'm Fairy Pirate Jesus, and my past-life brother Karson is Leader Cupid Jesus. These are officially official facts that we officially remember! Officially.

[ But that doesn't actually explain the Jesus bit, does it? Hrrm. ]

... And we are. Jesuses because we died and rose up again and stuff. Jesus style! Because we are-slash-were legit immortal. It's pretty sweet.

[He actually looks kinda pleased with himself over he butthurt.]

Karson. Karson Valenti is Leader Cupid Jesus. It was shocking enough to know he's wrapped up in all of this hogwash, but if he's claimin' to be part a this Jesus bullshit at fuckin' all, I may have to rethink my association with him.

[He rubs both of his hands over his face, pushing up his dumb thick-rimmed glasses, before giving her a flat stare.]

So were you both birthed by a virgin mother? 'Cos I think you're full of shit. I mean, yeah SURE, you got me with the wing business and all its obnoxious flappiness an' shit, but honestly, immortal? Now we both know that's rubbish.

Edited (AUTO CORRECTTTTT) 2014-01-24 20:04 (UTC)

Karson was Jesus first. And you cutting ties with my past-life brother could only improve his shitty-ass life! So go ahead with that, Shithair McDicksuck.

[ HUFF. So much huffing. ]

And eff-why-eye the immortality shit has been hells of proven! Because I got shot last month and came back from the dead and also Karson drank like five bottles of Nyquil and didn't die.

[ What more proof of Jesusry could anyone ever need? GOD ]

What the fuck insult is that even? Are you like homophobic or somethin'? I mean, with all these dick-suckin' insults aimed at me, you'd think as much. But whatever, maybe I don't need to be associated with a lunatic that thinks he and some terrorist are Jesus' reincarnates.

[He quirks an eyebrow at that.]

Okay, words are fuckin' cheap, first off. And second off, if you're so set on provin' me wrong about shit, why don't go show me. You had no problem flappin' your dumb and TOTALLY obnoxious glittery wings all over the damn bloody place, so go on.

[he does a shooing gesture]

Show me how immortal you really are. If you do, I promise from here on out I will believe every word muttered from your dumb mouth.

I can't be homophobic! I was past-life-lesbian. Lesbian fairy pirate Jesus.

[ ~*~*LOGIC*~*~ ]

But fine. Maybe I will! Maybe I will traumatise you by murdering myself right now and then you will be hells of sorry.

[ SUDDENLY WHISPERING? Almost like she is trying not to let someone hear. Someone very shouty and very nearby. Um. ]

Lesbian fairy pirate Jesus. Do you not realize how incredibly fuckin' STUPID that sounds?

[HE IS GIVING HER THE FLATTEST LOOK HE CAN MUSTER.]

Go on. Go ahead. I'm waitin'.

[he is curious about her whispering, but WHATEVER MAN. He knows she's fucking bluffing.]

[ SCREECHING AND COVERING HER WEBCAM LIKE IT WILL SOMEHOW DROWN OUT CAPTAIN SHOUTY

And then uncovering it briefly ]

Give me a second.

[ Covering it again

WAIT NO UNCOVERING IT ]

Still going to kill myself.

[ ANNNND RE-COVERING IT

She has this on lock ]

Take your time.

[You know what? He can wait. And he will, he'll just... enjoy what's left of his cappuccino while whatever that is goes on. He's actually pretty amused by this all. If he can really convince a terrorist to kill herself, maybe he should utilize this talent for the good of mankind or something. Surely that would be a high paying job somehow. His father would be so proud.]

YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF THE FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM, ALAN!

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM OCTAVIA I AM NOT LETTING YOU KILL YOURSELF.

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