savetheearth | 1st ♒ text

[Needless to say, this is a little strange and he stares at his ipad for a good few moments before deciding to make a post on the network he's apparently just gained access to. Of course, not reading anything like the FAQ or whatever. He hardly has the patience for that. Pshh. Besides, why read that shit when people could inform him themselves? See? Much easier.]

alright so
here i am doin nothin but browsin tumblr at the local starbucks
rebloggin some shit enjoyin my cinnamon dolce cappuccino
when i saw some random ass post that reminded me of these bleedin numbers from for fuck ever ago
not even sure why it did considerin it had literally nothin to do with these fuckin numbers but whatever
so here i am again thinkin id fuck around and see if they DO anythin
low and fuckin behold what the shit is this
some sorta secret network i had no idea about with a one way ticket to it through some arbitrary as fuck numbers that i never was able to forget
im surprised to say the damn least of it
always kinda thought those numbers were utter poppycock at best just some stupid shit i remembered for no apparent reason other than to drive me mad
fancy that i was wrong that dont happen often

whatever enough fuckin babblin who the fuck are you people and what the fuck is this?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

NOTHING I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

[And then one brief echo later, Jovan suddenly is able to remember exactly how it feels to have your skull slammed open against porcelain bathroom appliances, and feels even more horrified.]

YOU FUCKING KILLED HER, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT HURTS?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

NO I DIDNT
THIS ISNT REMOTELY MY FAULT!! IT AINT LIKE I PUSHED HER
SHE SLIPPED HOW IS THAT MY FAULT??

BESIDES IF SHES DEAD WHO CARES HOW MUCH IT HURTS
OH GOD
SHE ISNT DEAD SHE CANT BE DEAD

THAT'S ALWAYS WHAT THE EX SAYS WHEN THEY'RE TESTIFYING IN THE MURDER OF THEIR GIRLFRIEND. AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THE EX IS ALWAYS THE KILLER! So don't try hoodwinking me, pal, I know exactly what you did!

AND OF COURSE SHE'S DEAD, YOU SHOULD KNOW SINCE YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MASTERMINDED THIS PLOT TO KILL HER!

BUT IM NOT HER EX
IM SOME VRISKA CHICKS EX
in a past life or somethin i dont even really understand this

AND YOU CANT PROVE SHIT I DIDNT PLAN THIS I DONT EVEN KNOW HER

Oh, a likely story! If I had a nickel for every time I heard the past life excuse I'd

have a sum of money!

did you snoop on this whole conversation or just the part where she died
because if you fuckin DID then you would bloody KNOW that we JUST FUCKIN MET YOU STUPID FUCK

Bullshit. Just because you couldn't see her face when you were fucking her in the dark alleyway doesn't mean you didn't meet!

[omfg]

WOW
first off ive never FUCKED HER and second off if i were to i wouldnt do it like some fuckin scummy homeless vagrant who aint got the proper place to get laid
look you clearly dont know JACK SHIT and im too fuckin freaked out right now about her TOTALLY ACCIDENTAL AND IN NO WAY MY FAULT death to be arguin with some scumbag over whether ive fucked her or not and where
so PISS OFF

Alright, so maybe she gave you a blowie. Look, any way you slice it, your cock was in one of her cavities!

Which means you have an obligation, as the tab A to her slot B, to take responsibility in her death!

HOLY SHIT
my dick has not been in ANY of her fuckin CAVITIES
my fuckin PERSON has not even been in her close vicinity
WE HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHIN LIKE THAT AT ALL

so i dont got NO obligation to any sorta responsibility because IVE NEVER BEEN HER TAB A AND I DONT EVER WANT HER TO BE MY TAB B SO FUCK OFF!!!

Tab B?

Are you telling me she's got a dick?

you know what i would not even be surprised

I bet that's why she slipped, you know! She was just knocking one out in the tub when all of a sudden she lost her footing in her own slippery pool of spunk and cracked her head open.

She should've known. Masturbation always kills.

Edited 2014-02-01 20:56 (UTC)

sounds like a completely reasonable explanation to what happened and in no way my fault

she didnt even have the damn decency to ignore her boner long enough to get off the damn network before wankin
fuckin deplorable

She should've paid attention to the dick debriefing we all got on basic boner etiquette. Such a shame, she was so young, so full of unspooged jizz.

considerin how she acted? i am not at all surprised she didnt

to be serious for a moment i uh really hope she ISNT dead i mean shit
i kinda feel like an asshole even if its not my fault

Are you kidding me? Were we watching the same video at all?! There is no fucking way she survived that! You can't just whack someone's head against porcelain like that and expect them to be okay.

Even if she did survive by some miracle, she's probably just a vegetable now. You turned an innocent, anal cheeto dick, secret cock having, no-spooging girl into a vegetable!

THERE YOU GO BLAMIN ME AGAIN
this aint my fault at all if she hadnt of been such a bloody LIAR with all that hogwash about bein immortal NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED

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[text] i'm sorry, i'm here to exploit every typo ever made

[text] LMAO I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE omfg beautiful

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[text] whoops had accidentally deleted this notif

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