1st ♒ text

[yerawizarderi]

[Needless to say, this is a little strange and he stares at his ipad for a good few moments before deciding to make a post on the network he's apparently just gained access to. Of course, not reading anything like the FAQ or whatever. He hardly has the patience for that. Pshh. Besides, why read that shit when people could inform him themselves? See? Much easier.]

alright so
here i am doin nothin but browsin tumblr at the local starbucks
rebloggin some shit enjoyin my cinnamon dolce cappuccino
when i saw some random ass post that reminded me of these bleedin numbers from for fuck ever ago
not even sure why it did considerin it had literally nothin to do with these fuckin numbers but whatever
so here i am again thinkin id fuck around and see if they DO anythin
low and fuckin behold what the shit is this
some sorta secret network i had no idea about with a one way ticket to it through some arbitrary as fuck numbers that i never was able to forget
im surprised to say the damn least of it
always kinda thought those numbers were utter poppycock at best just some stupid shit i remembered for no apparent reason other than to drive me mad
fancy that i was wrong that dont happen often

whatever enough fuckin babblin who the fuck are you people and what the fuck is this?

Comments

video;

[drama8om8]

I can't be homophobic! I was past-life-lesbian. Lesbian fairy pirate Jesus.

[ ~*~*LOGIC*~*~ ]

But fine. Maybe I will! Maybe I will traumatise you by murdering myself right now and then you will be hells of sorry.

[ SUDDENLY WHISPERING? Almost like she is trying not to let someone hear. Someone very shouty and very nearby. Um. ]

video;

[yerawizarderi]

Lesbian fairy pirate Jesus. Do you not realize how incredibly fuckin' STUPID that sounds?

[HE IS GIVING HER THE FLATTEST LOOK HE CAN MUSTER.]

Go on. Go ahead. I'm waitin'.

[he is curious about her whispering, but WHATEVER MAN. He knows she's fucking bluffing.]

video;

[drama8om8]

[ SCREECHING AND COVERING HER WEBCAM LIKE IT WILL SOMEHOW DROWN OUT CAPTAIN SHOUTY

And then uncovering it briefly ]

Give me a second.

[ Covering it again

WAIT NO UNCOVERING IT ]

Still going to kill myself.

[ ANNNND RE-COVERING IT

She has this on lock ]

video;

[yerawizarderi]

Take your time.

[You know what? He can wait. And he will, he'll just... enjoy what's left of his cappuccino while whatever that is goes on. He's actually pretty amused by this all. If he can really convince a terrorist to kill herself, maybe he should utilize this talent for the good of mankind or something. Surely that would be a high paying job somehow. His father would be so proud.]

video;

[drama8om8]

[ OKAY UNCOVERING THE CAMERA

AND IN A BATHROOM APPARENTLY? Muffled shouting abounds wow ]

 

 

 

Wait oh my fucking god I don't have anything in here to kill myself with.

[ Just going to read the ingredients on the back of a bottle of mouthwash

It does say "do not ingest," so maybe it's lethal if you do?? ]

video;

[yerawizarderi]

You don't even have a razor or somethin'? Do you not shave?

[Somehow he would not be surprised if she had wooly mammoth legs with how she acts.]

...Or you can drink mouthwash. That works too.

[Hmmm she's... rather determined, ain't she?]

video;

[drama8om8]

Wow that is all kinds of not your business. I wax, Lord Dicklish!

[ UGH. Just going to glug down this mouthwash and waity-wait wait

Wait

That stupid HILARIOUS name-calling has given birth to the teeniest and tiniest of wee babby theories. Tavia remembers several relevant things here:

1) There was some dicksneeze in her past life called Lord English who was presumably some British asshole
2) She was totally his arch-nemesis and was going to murder the shit out of him with her SUPER COOL GHOST-MURDER PLAN.

Dorkhair O'Harrypotter is totally pulling out some British shit. And he's super intent on her being all kinds of dead. And he's absolutely a dicksneeze.

Hmm.

HMMMMMMMM........

Just. Putting the mouthwash down. ]

Soooooooo.

You're awfully majorly super invested in me being hells of dead.

What is your deal.

video;

[yerawizarderi]

[He watches her with morbid curiosity, expecting her to give up any time now, and it seems she's come to that breaking point when she puts the bottle down--]

I'm not invested.

[he scoffs]

You just haven't proved your supposed claim a immortality is all.

video;

[drama8om8]

There were witnesses when I died. And one of them is a super-stuffy Catholic or some bullshit and it's super illegal for them to lie.

[ Or something. Steepling her fingers together now. ]

I know your deal! You're one of those creepy-creep snuff fetishists. Sick!

video;

[yerawizarderi]

Everyone lies.

[An eye roll--but then he's stuck gawking at her accusation. GROSS.]

I am not! Please, if I wanted to indulge myself in such a fuckin' nasty fetish, I wouldn't waste my time with you. You're just tryin' to get outta provin' shit, because you ain't actually immortal, nor a pirate fairy Jesus. I bet you're not even a lesbian. NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

video;

[drama8om8]

If dear sweet Catholic Wally lied, the Pope would have him executed. Google it!

And I am so immortal fairy pir-- I WAS ONLY PAST LIFE LESBIAN OKAY OH MY GOD STOP PUSHING YOUR FETISHES ON ME.

[ High-pitched shrieking intensifies ]

video/action

[wirsinddiejager]

[And suddenly someone very shouty and very nearby is jumping in whoops.]

LIKE HELL YOU WILL.

video/action

[drama8om8]

YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF THE FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM, ALAN!

video/action

[wirsinddiejager]

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM OCTAVIA I AM NOT LETTING YOU KILL YOURSELF.

[video-ish/not here-ish???]

[yerawizarderi]

[WOW RUDE TBH.]

[video]

[wirsinddiejager]

[CASUALLY FLIPPING THE BIRD AT THE CAMERA WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING

STOP MAKING HIS GIRLFRIEND WANT TO KILL HERSELF]

[video]

[yerawizarderi]

[WOW SHE'S THE ONE SAYING SHE'S SOME JESUS IMMORTAL FAIRY LESBIAN PIRATE THING WITH DUMB FLAPPY WINGS.]

[THIS IS NOT REMOTELY HIS FAULT!!]

Re: [video]

[wirsinddiejager]

[EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT, PERSON ALAN HAS NEVER SPOKEN WITH!!!]

[video]

[yerawizarderi]

[WOW HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE WRONG?? MAYBE IF YOU DIDNT HAVE SUCH A CRAZY HOT GIRLFRIEND THIS WOULDNT BE HAPPENING!!!]

video/action

[drama8om8]

MY BODY MY CHOICE!!!!!!!!

[ FLYING INTO THE BATHROOM AND LOCKING THE DOOR HAHAHAHA WHAT NOW FUCKER ]

video/action

[wirsinddiejager]

OCTAVIA I WILL KICK THIS FUCKING DOOR DOWN AND GAVIN WILL TOTALLY UNDERSTAND BECAUSE KILLING YOURSELF IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!!

[THAT'S RIGHT SEVEN EXCLAMATION MARKS TAKE THAT]

video/action

[drama8om8]

[ OPENING THE DOOR

SILENTLY

AND MAKING ELABORATE HAND GESTURES WITH THE INTENT OF COMMUNICATING THAT ALAN SHE FOUND LORD ENGLISH PLS SEND HELP ]

video/action

[wirsinddiejager]

[WAIT WHAT

SO CONFUSED WHAT IS GOING ON]

video/action

[drama8om8]

[ Miming a crown on her head

And waving a sceptre around

And swishing a cape

And then twiddling an imaginary moustache evilly and uh

miming eating a universe and stamping on the remains

um ]

video/action

[wirsinddiejager]

[W H A T

WAIT ARE YOU DOING STAMPING MOTIONS DOES THIS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH TITANS???]