savetheearth | 1st ♒ text

Entry tags:

1st ♒ text

[Needless to say, this is a little strange and he stares at his ipad for a good few moments before deciding to make a post on the network he's apparently just gained access to. Of course, not reading anything like the FAQ or whatever. He hardly has the patience for that. Pshh. Besides, why read that shit when people could inform him themselves? See? Much easier.]

alright so
here i am doin nothin but browsin tumblr at the local starbucks
rebloggin some shit enjoyin my cinnamon dolce cappuccino
when i saw some random ass post that reminded me of these bleedin numbers from for fuck ever ago
not even sure why it did considerin it had literally nothin to do with these fuckin numbers but whatever
so here i am again thinkin id fuck around and see if they DO anythin
low and fuckin behold what the shit is this
some sorta secret network i had no idea about with a one way ticket to it through some arbitrary as fuck numbers that i never was able to forget
im surprised to say the damn least of it
always kinda thought those numbers were utter poppycock at best just some stupid shit i remembered for no apparent reason other than to drive me mad
fancy that i was wrong that dont happen often

whatever enough fuckin babblin who the fuck are you people and what the fuck is this?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Octavia blinks once. In the time it takes for her to do so, she has performed the requisite actions that take place whenever she meets someone new: namely, she has internally ranked Purple Newbie's appearance in comparison with every other person she has ever met. Ever.

(Verdict: Acceptably hot, minus points for being irritating but plus points for eyebrows which are second only to Shouty Boyfriend's. Butt ranking: currently pending.)

She's very thorough, okay. ]

You reeeeeeeeally like setting yourself up for this stuff, huh.

[ THEATRICAL SIGH TIME. Before she hops off her shitty beanbag chair, flies around the room and flomps back down.

There is glitter. Fucking. Everywhere. ]

Neat costume. Riiiiiiiight?

[And that butt will probably be pending for a while, don't hold your breath Octavia, Eri isn't one to show his ass to criminals.]

Yeah, whatev--

[And then she's flying. Flying. And he's stuck just kind of staring and looking like a complete dumbass. There you go Octavia. You did it. You made Eri look dumber than he usually does!]

..................................................

[Give him a moment.]

What the actual fuck?!

[Okay that's not much better, but at least he said something??]

Fairy. Pirate. Jesus. Duh! Would you like to dribble and gibber and shriek some more about how incredibly fakey-fake-fake and fraudulent and not real I am?

[ BWAHAHAHA she is enjoying this far too much

The middle fingers might not be on display right now, but they are raised in spirit ]

[YEAH HE'S... calming down a little, just. What the fuck what the fuck???]

Okay... Look, you may be some freaky freak fairy creature, but I don't get where this Jesus business is comin' from. You're not Jesus.

[He almost just wants to stop responding to the network right now, go home, and lay down. This is entirely too much. He's almost convinced this is some stupid dream. Did he get drunk last night? Is he actually in bed right now having weird as fuck alcohol induced dreams? HE CAN'T EVEN TELL.]

[ OUCH. Being referred to as a creature hits a sore spot. Luckily, Tavia's acting skills are so fantastically amazing that this doesn't show at alAAHAHAHAHAHA NO IT'S SUPER OBVIOUS WOW.

She's not commenting on it, though. Just looking supremely butthurt. ]

I am so a Jesus! I'm Fairy Pirate Jesus, and my past-life brother Karson is Leader Cupid Jesus. These are officially official facts that we officially remember! Officially.

[ But that doesn't actually explain the Jesus bit, does it? Hrrm. ]

... And we are. Jesuses because we died and rose up again and stuff. Jesus style! Because we are-slash-were legit immortal. It's pretty sweet.

[He actually looks kinda pleased with himself over he butthurt.]

Karson. Karson Valenti is Leader Cupid Jesus. It was shocking enough to know he's wrapped up in all of this hogwash, but if he's claimin' to be part a this Jesus bullshit at fuckin' all, I may have to rethink my association with him.

[He rubs both of his hands over his face, pushing up his dumb thick-rimmed glasses, before giving her a flat stare.]

So were you both birthed by a virgin mother? 'Cos I think you're full of shit. I mean, yeah SURE, you got me with the wing business and all its obnoxious flappiness an' shit, but honestly, immortal? Now we both know that's rubbish.

Edited (AUTO CORRECTTTTT) 2014-01-24 20:04 (UTC)

Karson was Jesus first. And you cutting ties with my past-life brother could only improve his shitty-ass life! So go ahead with that, Shithair McDicksuck.

[ HUFF. So much huffing. ]

And eff-why-eye the immortality shit has been hells of proven! Because I got shot last month and came back from the dead and also Karson drank like five bottles of Nyquil and didn't die.

[ What more proof of Jesusry could anyone ever need? GOD ]

What the fuck insult is that even? Are you like homophobic or somethin'? I mean, with all these dick-suckin' insults aimed at me, you'd think as much. But whatever, maybe I don't need to be associated with a lunatic that thinks he and some terrorist are Jesus' reincarnates.

[He quirks an eyebrow at that.]

Okay, words are fuckin' cheap, first off. And second off, if you're so set on provin' me wrong about shit, why don't go show me. You had no problem flappin' your dumb and TOTALLY obnoxious glittery wings all over the damn bloody place, so go on.

[he does a shooing gesture]

Show me how immortal you really are. If you do, I promise from here on out I will believe every word muttered from your dumb mouth.

I can't be homophobic! I was past-life-lesbian. Lesbian fairy pirate Jesus.

[ ~*~*LOGIC*~*~ ]

But fine. Maybe I will! Maybe I will traumatise you by murdering myself right now and then you will be hells of sorry.

[ SUDDENLY WHISPERING? Almost like she is trying not to let someone hear. Someone very shouty and very nearby. Um. ]

Lesbian fairy pirate Jesus. Do you not realize how incredibly fuckin' STUPID that sounds?

[HE IS GIVING HER THE FLATTEST LOOK HE CAN MUSTER.]

Go on. Go ahead. I'm waitin'.

[he is curious about her whispering, but WHATEVER MAN. He knows she's fucking bluffing.]

[ SCREECHING AND COVERING HER WEBCAM LIKE IT WILL SOMEHOW DROWN OUT CAPTAIN SHOUTY

And then uncovering it briefly ]

Give me a second.

[ Covering it again

WAIT NO UNCOVERING IT ]

Still going to kill myself.

[ ANNNND RE-COVERING IT

She has this on lock ]

Take your time.

[You know what? He can wait. And he will, he'll just... enjoy what's left of his cappuccino while whatever that is goes on. He's actually pretty amused by this all. If he can really convince a terrorist to kill herself, maybe he should utilize this talent for the good of mankind or something. Surely that would be a high paying job somehow. His father would be so proud.]

[ OKAY UNCOVERING THE CAMERA

AND IN A BATHROOM APPARENTLY? Muffled shouting abounds wow ]

Wait oh my fucking god I don't have anything in here to kill myself with.

[ Just going to read the ingredients on the back of a bottle of mouthwash

It does say "do not ingest," so maybe it's lethal if you do?? ]

You don't even have a razor or somethin'? Do you not shave?

[Somehow he would not be surprised if she had wooly mammoth legs with how she acts.]

...Or you can drink mouthwash. That works too.

[Hmmm she's... rather determined, ain't she?]

Wow that is all kinds of not your business. I wax, Lord Dicklish!

[ UGH. Just going to glug down this mouthwash and waity-wait wait

Wait

That ~~stupid~~ HILARIOUS name-calling has given birth to the teeniest and tiniest of wee babby theories. Tavia remembers several relevant things here:

1) There was some dicksneeze in her past life called Lord English who was presumably some British asshole
2) She was totally his arch-nemesis and was going to murder the shit out of him with her SUPER COOL GHOST-MURDER PLAN.

Dorkhair O'Harrypotter is totally pulling out some British shit. And he's super intent on her being all kinds of dead. And he's absolutely a dicksneeze.

Hmm.

HMMMMMMMM........

Just. Putting the mouthwash down. ]

Soooooooo.

You're awfully majorly super invested in me being hells of dead.

What is your deal.

[He watches her with morbid curiosity, expecting her to give up any time now, and it seems she's come to that breaking point when she puts the bottle down--]

I'm not invested.

[he scoffs]

You just haven't proved your supposed claim a immortality is all.

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video;

video/action

video/action

video/action

[video-ish/not here-ish???]

[video]

[video]

video/action

video/action

video/action