[audio] one-man wooden box dirt party!!!

[grannyfucker]

[HEY LOOK, isn't that the number of that one douchebag who died a few weeks ago?? I hope you guys are ready for your daily dose of creepy audio posts, because this one starts with the sound of scratching on wood and some heavy breathing. Soon enough, though, the scratching becomes more erratic and the breathing heavier and louder--and then it's just full blown wheezing.]

Somebody...somebody get me the fuck out of here!

[Then a series of loud 'thud's as the voice becomes more frantic.]

Right now!

Comments

audio;

[drama8om8]

[ OH GOD THIS CAN MEAN ONLY ONE THING

IT'S POSSIBLE TO CONNECT TO THE NETWORK FROM THE BOWELS OF HELL ]

RETURN TO YOUR REST CREATURE OF THE NIGHT THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU OR SOME JUNK HOLY FUCK

audio;

[grannyfucker]

I'M NOT GOING TO REST UNTIL SOMEBODY GETS ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

[is he angrily screaming, or is he crying? we just don't know.]

Audio

[onecream_fivesugar]

It's a g-g-g-g-DEAD GUY!

Audio

[grannyfucker]

What the hell are you talking about?!

[audio]

[scarlet_devil]

[Insert some rather colorful Romanian cursing here.]

But you were dead!

[audio]

[grannyfucker]

Well obviously I'm not!

audio;

[hotshots]

Sweet merciful fuck!

[ Amazingly, this is is new, so far as Neil's ever known. Guess there are still things that can surprise you. ]

Where the hell are you?!

audio;

[grannyfucker]

How the fuck should I know?! It's tiny and dark and cramped in here, I can't--

[Jovan tries to get himself to breathe but it sounds more like a whimper than anything. It doesn't help that he suddenly gets an echo.]

...I. I think I'm in a grave.

[voice]

[truthcharted]

[Okay, he'll admit, this scares him. But he's got a job to do.]

So even death isn't sacred to this thing... Are you in one piece? Do we just need shovels, or an ambulance?

[It sounds like he's moving... he's not going to try and do something himself, is he?]

[voice]

[grannyfucker]

[....oh god

he didn't even THINK about that]

...I think I'm in one piece.

audio;

[waltharius]

So you're, um. You're back.

[ He sounds weirdly calm. He'd be a lot less calm if he didn't hang around a semi-immortal regularly. Still, he nearly drowned in this guy's corpse water. It's a little traumatizing. The next bit is a lot more hesitant. ]

...are you... in a coffin?

audio;

[grannyfucker]

What else could a six-foot long horizontal box be?!

[originaloddcouple]

Oh hey buddy!

How ya been?

[grannyfucker]

Oh, you know. Gambling in Vegas, getting murdered by cultists, trapped inside a literal goddamn fucking coffin!

[wonk]

yoooooooooo as shitty as the coffins gotta be glad ur not completely dead

welcome 2 the immortal club

quick warning it might have conditions on it not sure

got any past life memories yet

[grannyfucker]

Well I'm glad you're so happy I'm running out of air in a coffin, at least that makes one of us!

[Video]

[scramasax]

[Dead.

As confirmed by some of the above, buried. Days ago.

Quick series of mental connections following this voice back to... December.

Sharp-cracking:] -- A-a-are you in one piece -- ?!

A - are you yourself - ?

[Probably fumbles on a better way to put it but oh-hoo that's of no import until further notice!]

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

What th--what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!

[Video]

[italktofish]

[At first, it's just incoherent screaming, but then it sort of turns into actual words.]

IT'S UNDEAD RESURRECTION JUST LIKE THE ROUSING SONG OF HEROISM SAYS IS AN ACTUAL SUPERPOWER!

[audio]

[grannyfucker]

WHAT?

Voice

[buildyourworld]

...... [ He was going to say "but you were dead!" but figured someone must have yelled that already so he kept his mouth shut. It takes a couple of seconds before he utters something in a very monotonous tone, clearly still a little out of it. ]

If you keep shouting, you will deplete your oxygen faster...

[ And he's off to calling his supervisor to get Jovan's file so they could call his family... ]

Voice

[grannyfucker]

You know, somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better!

[senseandcecilbility]

[ Jovan died, and now Cecil speaks Victorian.]

Goddess gracious, Mister Burzek! I thought you croaked. Were you interred alive?

[A shovel! He needs a shovel!]

[grannyfucker]

[what]

...What?!

Audio

[charcoalfeather]

[WHAT THE FLYING HELL]

What?! What?!

Audio

[grannyfucker]

I SAID GET ME OUT OF HERE!! What part of that is confusing?!

[greenisthenewblack]

Jovan?

[He keeps surprising her, and she doesn't like it.]

This had better not be some kind of sick joke...

[grannyfucker]

What kind of sick fuck would make a joke out of this?!

[Voice]

[gobybessie]

[ ...

Oh dear lord. ]

Is anyone coming?

[Voice]

[grannyfucker]

Y...yes. Yeah, I. I think so.