[audio] one-man wooden box dirt party!!!

[grannyfucker]

[HEY LOOK, isn't that the number of that one douchebag who died a few weeks ago?? I hope you guys are ready for your daily dose of creepy audio posts, because this one starts with the sound of scratching on wood and some heavy breathing. Soon enough, though, the scratching becomes more erratic and the breathing heavier and louder--and then it's just full blown wheezing.]

Somebody...somebody get me the fuck out of here!

[Then a series of loud 'thud's as the voice becomes more frantic.]

Right now!

Comments

[senseandcecilbility]

[ He is not socially prepared for this sort of conversation with a man locked inside a coffin. As he slips the tiny spade into his front pocket, he runs to pick up his car keys.]

Your...mortal remains were discovered in the Merriott's pool on August 11th. That was a fortnight ago, sir.

[grannyfucker]

A fortnigh--two weeks?!

[senseandcecilbility]

[Yeah, that is a lot of time to stay buried underground.]

Indeed, sir.

[He is driving his own car today. An ancient black mercedes that - like most things he owns - used to belong to his grandfather.]

[grannyfucker]

Jesus Christ!

I practically time travelled.

[senseandcecilbility]

Indeed, sir.

[No dude, you practically died.]

[grannyfucker]

Please tell me nothing else crazy has happened between then and now.

[senseandcecilbility]

...

...

All right.

[grannyfucker]

[what.]

Is that all right as in "nothing crazy happened", or all right as in "I won't tell you all this crazy shit that actually happened"?!

[senseandcecilbility]

My dear sir, I beg you to make your demands clearer!

[It is totally option number two.]

[grannyfucker]

...Oh my god, everything went to shit, didn't it? I've been dead two weeks and the world is ending now. Oh god, just--don't even bother coming for me, just leave me here to die again if everything's that bad! I don't want to see the world I've come back to!

[senseandcecilbility]

N-not ending. There have been some...slight geographical changes.

And possibly a dragon.

Regardless, do not give up just yet, sir! The world is still worth it.

[Probably.]

[grannyfucker]

...what the fuck does that mean?!

[senseandcecilbility]

The new scenery is...a little difficult to convey. I believe it could be roughly described as a huge mountain and a castle in the middle of our unfortunate city. Though fear not, good sir, I have already committed the new paths to memory.

[And true to his word, he parks his car in front of the cemetery.]

[grannyfucker]

A cas--

...how?!