savetheearth | [Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

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[Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

Well isn't this a surprise? You know, taking hallucinogens wasn't on my to-do list for the near future, but I guess everyone makes mistakes every now and then. I've learned a valuable lesson today: when someone hands you some funky hippy water full of leaves that they insist is good for you, don't drink it. So, since I'm suddenly the Dirt Whisperer, how about you regale me with your earthy wisdom while I sit in the park and enjoy the trip? Let's kill some time before this wears off and I end up with the nastiest hangover I've ever had. Here, I'll start with some easy questions: Why is the sky blue? What's the meaning of life? What language does Mister Mumbles speak when he yells at people walking by? And most importantly, what the hell is going on?

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Cheesy mystery or cheesy teenage sitcom? Hm I'll have to think on that. I'll get back to you. Huh, now that you mention it I think I might have seen one of those before. Didn't stick around to get a closer look, mind you. So... why are the cops so interested in flushing us out, anyway? This isn't some kind of drug ring, is it? ...What. Now I know you're shitting me. Very funny hallucination voice, you've got a great imagination.

I'm not making it up. The type of metal she ate would fuel a kind of magic in her blood. It's pretty weird but I know I can almost dodge bullets and I know another person that is basically the Lord of Bugmen.

No, not a drug ring. They were given a whole bunch of perks in exchange of finding us and bringing us in by a group of aliens that refer to the human race as weeds.

This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Aliens? How'd I know this was going to end up at aliens? Because this kind of crazy bullshit always winds up at aliens. Right, so, I guess the next question is when do I get my secret decoder ring and spyglasses for alien fighting? Or am I selected to join with the aliens? I never can tell with these things.

Alien fighting is always better than fighting zombies. At least most aliens aren't gonna try to eat your leg while you're kicking them.

The numbers that hooked you into this are your special decoder key. The rest may show up later on.

You and I might be watching different alien movies, then. The numbers again. This is what I get for letting my curiosity get the better of me. Alright, say I believe your little story. Now what?

Don't tell me you like those ones about aliens landing to eat people. It makes less sense than some diets people try to follow.

Things get really weird.

Sure, those are the best ones. What else would they want us for? Great. Do I check into the mental health institution now or later?

As a food source, human bodies are so riddled with disease and pollutants that it would kill them off in a short time.

Eh, I'll wait on it. You might end up becoming another fairy Jesus pirate ninja before too much longer.

Sure, but wouldn't that make for a great ironic twist? The aliens move in to try to use humanity as a food source and end up killing themselves because they vastly underestimated our love of eating Doritos. Only if I get to wear a cool outfit. And not spandex. Too 80's.

That is a good twist to the usual boring movie twist.

I got a couple cool leather jackets and a weapon as well as some interesting moves, so chances are you'll get something too.

Oh, another thing that seems to pop up is that some people have similar pulses or echoes, so they have these kinda clubs they've formed. It can be pretty interesting listening to what they've figured out.

I'd watch it. Maybe I'll get lucky, doubt it though, I've always had rotten luck. I keep seeing that word, pulse, echo? What's all that about?

Me too, just to laugh despite all the horror of alien munching.

You never know. I'd thought I was gonna end up being the cheerleader or something until I got useful stuff.

It's what we call the feeling that signals one of the weird returns we get. Like the world had moved while the bottom of your stomach sort of drops and then your heart beats so loud you'd think that everyone can hear it.

Are you kidding? It'd be great, but I imagine there'd be a lot of subliminal Dorito ads thrown in. Shit, that's it, that's me. I'm the cheerleader. I bet I could pull off the miniskirt. ...Oh. Funny how you described that so well.

Doritos are people! Repent, repent! Something like that?

We could form a squad. I know I've got killer legs for a miniskirt.

I've had a few and sometimes it can be a pain trying to be normal while it felt like the world has gotten weirder.

I was thinking more along the lines of 'Doritos save lives! Eat more Doritos', you know, typical subliminal ad placement. Well hell, that's an idea. Let the magical fairies take care of the battle itself we'll just be the cheer-leading squad, it'll be great! Guess I know I have more of that to look forward to, huh?

Nah, people might actually just eat them to be stupid and say that they are eating people.

Not only that, we'll get a better soundtrack too!

Yeah. In my experience, anything can set the pulses off.

Like that's anything new. And better outfits! What a pain. Alright, so... From reading the FAQ I'm getting the idea that these pulses or whatever are from like some kind of past life? Are you fucking serious?

Well you know what they say - SPS is alive and well.

And the best dressing rooms ever!

Yah, although some of us also think that they can be echoes from alternate realities pushing into the world we're in right now. It could be either one, since some of us have memories that come from a future time line, while others remember centuries in the past. It's... well, random is the best way to say it even if it's too small of a word.

SPS? If we get famous enough do we get our own mobile dressing room? As soon as things start making a little sense they immediately stop. So, alternate reality-lives, past-lives, whatever, we're assuming this is shit that 'happened' to you in some kind of way at some point in... You know what I give up. Too complicated for me.

Stupid People Syndrome.

With enough drinks for all.

The visions are like dreams or memories and the stuff we get back are like they're made for us. It's weird but you get use to it.

Oh yeah, but you're gonna find that anywhere I'm afraid. Excellent, sign me up. Made for us? This is all really goddamn cryptic and confusing as hell, man.

There is truth in those words.

Sure thing. Do you want pompoms or twirling stick thingy?

Not really. I mean, the two coats that I've managed to pulse back fit me perfectly and know people who've gotten hats and scarves and coats of strange cuts and that sort of thing. It's weird.

Hook me up with the twirling stick thing, that sounds like fun. Wait, so this echo shit gives you back more than just memories and weird powers? You get your own personalized wardrobe, too? Shit, we really are a bunch of weird ass superheroes.

Plus you can hit people with it.

Pretty much. I know a guy who got back a super hero outfit with a giant A on the belt and the body to go with it. He's the one that yells outrageous a lot.

See? Perfect for when they try to make fun of my skirt. Oh hey! I was talkin' to him. Aquaman or something, yeah? Seems like an okay guy.

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