savetheearth | [Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

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[Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

Well isn't this a surprise? You know, taking hallucinogens wasn't on my to-do list for the near future, but I guess everyone makes mistakes every now and then. I've learned a valuable lesson today: when someone hands you some funky hippy water full of leaves that they insist is good for you, don't drink it. So, since I'm suddenly the Dirt Whisperer, how about you regale me with your earthy wisdom while I sit in the park and enjoy the trip? Let's kill some time before this wears off and I end up with the nastiest hangover I've ever had. Here, I'll start with some easy questions: Why is the sky blue? What's the meaning of life? What language does Mister Mumbles speak when he yells at people walking by? And most importantly, what the hell is going on?

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You mentioned that. I still don't know what 4chan is, but I think I'll be avoiding it after this.

I'd only suggest to go there if you're into over-sized breasts on anthro-dick-girls porn. Otherwise, just stick to the usual places for porn.

So it's just for wacky, ridiculous porn, huh? Sounds lame.

With overly weird commentary and bad seventies disco porn music set to computer beeps.

What.

[He needs a moment to attempt to process what was just said, please stand by.]

How does that even exist?

Don't ask me; I've been there once, saw the fanart of one of those dolphin friends as a dick-girl and ran outta there as fast as I can.

[the scarring man. THE SCARRING.]

[Good lord.]

Why the hell would you do that to a dolphin friend?

I don't know! I wanna cry just thinking about it. Dolphin Friends are like cute and sweet and don't deserve that at all.

I can't even imagine it, don't think I want to. Seriously man, is that what people do on the internet?

Some people. Others use it for all sorts of things like writing stuff together or playing games or looking on information about their favorite actors or music or all kinds of stuff.

So it's just that four-chan thing I'd need to keep clear of, yeah? Well that's a relief.

Yah. Just keep clear of that cesspool of shit and it'll be okay.

Easy enough. I don't even know how to get there.

[And he doesn't want to know so don't teach him.]

Good to know. Just don't let anyone lead you there.

I think I'll leave the internet business up to everyone else.

Sounds good to me.

Anyways, welcome to the Number Club. Keep it a secret unless you're talking to us and hold on tight for a wild ride.

Thanks. And don't worry, if I told anyone they'd just lock me up anyway.

That depends on who you tell it to.

Well, locked up or dead apparently. Not real excited for either outcome, thank you very much.

At least you can literally scrawl the number into a brick using your teeth and call for help if you get locked up. I dunno what we can do about dead people right now.

I'm gonna hope it doesn't get to that point, because by the time I'm where I need to start carving numbers with my teeth in bricks I'm probably seconds from dead anyway.

Same here. It can be annoying trying to do something with your teeth like that.

Sounds painful. Can you imagine? Wait, have you had to do that before?

Nah, but I knew a guy who ended up using his blood on the wall to talk to us.

Morbid. Tight spot, I'm guessing? 'Course scribbling in the dirt works just as easy.

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text; I keep forgetting this is text

XD

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