savetheearth | [Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

Entry tags:

[Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

Well isn't this a surprise? You know, taking hallucinogens wasn't on my to-do list for the near future, but I guess everyone makes mistakes every now and then. I've learned a valuable lesson today: when someone hands you some funky hippy water full of leaves that they insist is good for you, don't drink it. So, since I'm suddenly the Dirt Whisperer, how about you regale me with your earthy wisdom while I sit in the park and enjoy the trip? Let's kill some time before this wears off and I end up with the nastiest hangover I've ever had. Here, I'll start with some easy questions: Why is the sky blue? What's the meaning of life? What language does Mister Mumbles speak when he yells at people walking by? And most importantly, what the hell is going on?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

yeah im SO sure it wwas some other person wwho gavve you that "wwater"
methinks you took wwhatevver that wwas on your owwn
fuckin great first wwhores and retards got access to the netwwork
noww drug addicts
wwhat wwill be fuckin next?

Edited 2014-02-23 21:45 (UTC)

Great, exactly what I needed. My earthy spirit guide is a judgmental smart ass. Figures. With a bad case of extra w's to boot.

Edited 2014-02-23 21:46 (UTC)

1) 8ecause 8lue is the 8est and the prettiest color and it makes every8ody happy to see it every day.
2) Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good 8ook every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and n8tions. According to some dum8 8ritish dudes.
3) The language of LOVE.
4) FAQ!
5) You didn't ask a 5th question.
6) Or a 6th.
7) 8ut I want to make this list reach 8 points!
8) Yessssssss.

Two spirit guides? Looks like it's my lucky day. And this one with a list. And a FAQ. You know, that's a pretty good idea. How many tripping hippies did it take before you guys finally decided just to write it all down, anyway? But you know, I believe it, Mumbles seems like a loving guy. Loudly loving.

I 8n't a spirit guide. Or a guy!
I am a fairy. And this isn't a trip!
You are now in a very exclusive clu8. Your mem8ership card takes the form of a lifetime of 8ullshit and suffering and reincarn8tion shenanigans.
Read the FAQ! It will explain everything and also convince you that you are not tripping 8alls.

Unless you ARE tripping 8alls.

Fairies, huh? Well this just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Is w's up there a fairy too? Woah, hold on, back up, I don't remember signing up for this. Where's my contract? I want to see a lawyer, I've had enough bullshit already I don't need any more. Not when things are finally starting to level out for me. Read it, even more convinced I'm tripping balls. What's this network business anyway?

He WISHES he was a fairy! Dear sweet Eri up there is a go8lin. A stenchgo8lin. I advise that you a8solutely avoid ever standing downwind of him at any cost.
Just a friendly tip there! Free of charge.

As for the network shit: no8ody signs up. It's like........ Destiny! F8te.
No amount of lawyering up will 8r8k you out of the we8 you have 8ecome entangled in, new8ie.
8ut the gr8 thing is that now you get to join forces with every8ody against the corrupt cops and the monsters and the aliens!!!!!!!!
You can 8e a hero instead of whatever unfortun8 schlu8 you have 8een up until now. It is pretty awesome. ::::)

[a deep, accented voice to be precise]

Welcome to the Numbered Club. There's a FAQs laying around some where that explains it but most important thing to know if that you're no longer just another person lost in the city. You've been chosen and things are gonna get weirder from here on out.

[Oh no, it's gotten worse. Now the hallucinations are auditory as well. Crap. Sorry, dirt possesses no recording capabilities.]

Yeah the 8 fairy linked me to the FAQ, and I have to say, I'm not convinced I'm not still hallucinating.

I'll be sure to keep that in mind should I ever have the misfortune of meeting a w goblin. Thanks, I appreciate it. Not like I could pay you anyway. Fate. Right. Well, fate can stuff it, I'm a busy guy, I don't have time for aliens or government conspiracies or sleeper cells or whatever. Leave the heroics to someone else.

[LITTLE DOES HE KNOW.]

What's this 'echo' stuff?

If you are, then I guess we all are.

The 8 fairy? Oh, I know her. She's a good kid, just a little loud.

Sounds like something a hallucination would say. She doesn't seem too bad. Answered all my questions and even ones I didn't ask, with bullet points. Have to give her credit for organization.

She's been hooked in for a pretty long time, so there's that.

Is there anything else you wanna know about all this or do you figure you're gonna wake up thinking that this s'all a dream?

Huh, what do you mean by that? I think you know the answer to that, so how about you tell me what you think I should know. Provided I should wake up tomorrow and this isn't some kind of crazy dream.

This has been going on since April of last year. I've been on this Network since last May and I think she was on here a little bit after that.

Don't trust the police. Don't tell anyone about the Network or anything strange that you see because of it. Steer clear of those sniffer dogs with the weird noses because they can tell us apart from normals. Find a way to keep your number on you so you can access it in a hurry. If you need things, there are people on here who can get it specially for you.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON--SOMETHING OUTRAGEOUS

AND I AM AFRAID I CAN ONLY TELL YOU WHAT MISTER MUMBLES IS SAYING WHEN HE YELLS AT PEOPLE WALKING BY IF HE IS A FISH OR SOME OTHER AQUATIC CREATURE IS HE A FISH OR OTHER AQUATIC CREATURE

The Network makes this all sound like a cheesy mystery series. I saw that mentioned in the FAQ. Sniffer dogs, what am I looking out for exactly? And what kind of things? Don't worry about the police or me talking, though, can't say I'm in well with them. Or with most people, for that matter.

Just how outrageous are we talking, large writing person? Naw, Mumbles is human as far as I can tell. Don't tell me you talk to fish. You the fish fairy?

Some of us have been calling it the Numbers Club, so take your pick.

They're those dogs with the big bulbous noses, sort of like someone punched them really hard and the swelling never gone down. They say they are drug dogs, but that's a lie.

Some people have special needs when they pulse back weird physical changes, like weird eye colors or blood colors. Others get things like robotic arms or turn into ghosts or werewolves. There was a person I bought a special grinder for so she can process metals to eat.

Cheesy mystery or cheesy teenage sitcom? Hm I'll have to think on that. I'll get back to you. Huh, now that you mention it I think I might have seen one of those before. Didn't stick around to get a closer look, mind you. So... why are the cops so interested in flushing us out, anyway? This isn't some kind of drug ring, is it? ...What. Now I know you're shitting me. Very funny hallucination voice, you've got a great imagination.

I'm not making it up. The type of metal she ate would fuel a kind of magic in her blood. It's pretty weird but I know I can almost dodge bullets and I know another person that is basically the Lord of Bugmen.

No, not a drug ring. They were given a whole bunch of perks in exchange of finding us and bringing us in by a group of aliens that refer to the human race as weeds.

The more I read this stuff, the more I think it's some group fever dream.

This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Aliens? How'd I know this was going to end up at aliens? Because this kind of crazy bullshit always winds up at aliens. Right, so, I guess the next question is when do I get my secret decoder ring and spyglasses for alien fighting? Or am I selected to join with the aliens? I never can tell with these things.

You too, huh? I'm starting to hope this wears off soon because, shit, this is weirder than I'm ready to deal with.

Alien fighting is always better than fighting zombies. At least most aliens aren't gonna try to eat your leg while you're kicking them.

The numbers that hooked you into this are your special decoder key. The rest may show up later on.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 1 of 13

[Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

[text]

[text]

text;

text;

text;

text;

text;

voice;

text;

text;

voice;

text;

voice;

text;

voice;

[Text]

text;

[Text]

voice;

text;

voice;

[text]

text;

[text]

voice;