savetheearth | two; video

two; video

[ The camera's pointed at a precious cutie scottie dog dressed in the most ridiculous dog outfit imaginable. The dog is currently licking its crotch. Karson's speaking from behind the camera. ]

Hey, network for assholes. Today's the most important day of the year, and I swear to god, if a single one of you is completely unaware of what day it is, I'm going to vomit all over this screen, and then, instead of guessing the day, you'll get to guess what I had for lunch.

So, you know what day it is today? It's America Day-- a day to celebrate the glorious freedom we could have if we'd all stop voting for Obama. A day to celebrate how, a fuckton of years ago, a bunch of powerful white men dressed in embarrassingly racist Native American costumes and wasted a lot of tea by dumping into a bay, killing all wildlife that might have lived there. It's to celebrate a revolution that was started by the murder of a freeman named Crispus Attucks, and it's to celebrate the first successful democracy ever created by a civilized nation. It's the day where we should all stand up for our rights and fight to bear arms!

[ The dog gets up and wanders over to Karson. He stops his rant for a moment to deliver a few pets. The dog promptly lies down and rolls over, demanding belly rubs. Karson delivers. ]

So get your fireworks, hold them high, and set that shit on fire--- except don't do it while it's in your hand, that's incredibly dangerous. Enjoy the light show tonight, and remember that thousands of people have died horrible, gangrene-filled deaths for freedom with a dash of democracy. God bless America, or whatever higher leveled deity you might worship.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm sorry that your inability to stretch that brittle, rigid mind of yours has closed you off from learning a simple foreign language. It must be utter torture for you to have no other recourse than to seek refuge in overblown zealotry for a subpar nation.

I'd offer to teach you some simple phrases, but I imagine that the possibility of becoming bilingual might overheat what's left of your charred mind.

no, i straight up do not want to learn your shitty no-nation language.
the only thing japanese is good for is anime.
like, seriously.
you guys have been in a recession for how long???
20 years?
cool, you got sony, and what else?
sorry, if i'm going to learn a language and be bilingual, i'll waste my time with something i can actually USE outside of talking to sassier-than-thou assholes like you.
want a list of languages more useful than japanese?
here:
everything.
no, literally.
everything.

Yes, because throwing stones at the financial woes of other nations is an advisable idea when you're living in the largest glass castle to ever be constructed purely through loans.

Perhaps we ought to infuse our economy with a little cash to freshen it up, hm? Now, where could we find some...oh, I know! We could always collect the debt you've accrued with us. It's up to 1.84 trillion now, isn't it?

I'm sure a little collection like that won't hurt a strong nation like yours; you can always print more money like you always do, correct? It's worked so well for your friends in Zimbabwe, after all.

this still isn't convincing me to learn japanese.

Edited 2013-07-05 02:16 (UTC)

I wasn't trying to. It's obvious that you're barely able to hold onto the English language without shattering into a million incoherent pieces, and I'd hate to goad such an intellectually fragile mind into attempting to learn something so challenging just so they can understand the topics swirling around them that would likely fly over their heads regardless.

It's a bit cruel to even consider, really.

are you some sort of a broken record?
i am giving you so much material to work with in this conversation--- i've insulted your language, i've insulted japan, i put my dog in an american flag t-shirt, i didn't bitch about your eat shit american comment (google translate; it's amazing), and god knows what else.
but you just keep obsessing over the fragility of my mind, as if you're completely incapable of conceptualizing the human brain as an organ and not a window about to meet a bat.
on the other hand, you're obsessively enforcing the idea that you're some sort of intellectual savior here to mock us into accepting lolita-inspired fetishized dominance.
like i said before, oooh look at me! look how smart and sassy i am!!! look at me, look at me!!!!

honest question here.
legit question time, sass aside.
let's all put on our serious faces for, like, two seconds.
why the hell are you having this conversation?
why the hell do you keep responding to everyone on the network?
no one wants to talk to you-- that's obvious.
it's probably the same in real life too.
like give me two seconds to scan through your other conversations

everything here is literally: damn, i'm sassy. damn, i'm smart.
bam, it took me that long to sum up every communication you've ever had with another person on this network.
why the fuck are you here?

You're all incredibly easy to wind up. I'm curious to see how long it takes before I have to actually use more creative material; the outlook so far isn't promising.

this is the invitation to use your creativity.
go for it.
unleash your creativity and be true to yourself and etc etc whatever.

What exactly makes you special enough for me to break my five minute in-between-study-sessions limit on using this network? I haven't exactly seen much variety of topics from you, either.

conversations take two.
i can't get creative if you're breaking out the stale horseshit you use on everyone else.
i'm going to be as ridiculously boring as possible if you keep this shit up, which defeats the whole purpose of you being on this network in the first place.
so either deal with boredom or step it up, champ.

Edited 2013-07-05 02:47 (UTC)

I meant as a general observation, not only when conversing with me.

But really, considering the massive amount of flaws and shortcomings you seem to be housing in one stumpy body I can't very well be blamed for sticking to safe topics. It's practically impossible to decide on where to start with what's wrong with you.

do you want a tip?

Not particularly, but I'm sure you'll give it to me anyway.

no, i'm not.
take some fucking initiative, woman.

It has less to do with initiative and more to do with expecting your head to come completely unscrewed at not telling someone how to live their lives.

But if that's the case then I suppose I'll move straight for the low-hanging fruit and inquire as to which Frankensteinian laboratory you acquired that malformed rat from? I'd seriously consider requesting a refund.

1) good on you for not insulting intelligence, since that seems to be your default.
you're expanding your borders here, good job.
2) FUCK YOU, MY DOG IS WONDERFUL AND A RESCUE DOG. HE'S SEEN SOME SHIT AND LIVED THROUGH HELL AND NOW THAT HE'S FINALLY HAPPY, YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO INSULT HIM.

Oh, it was supposed to be a dog? Dear me. Did you ever think that perhaps there were multiple good reasons that he found himself as an unwanted castoff?

he was castoff because there are terrible human beings in the world who like to cause suffering to others due to their irresponsible behaviors and bitchy attitudes.
so basically, five dollars says you or your ilk were his original owners.

Even I'm not cruel enough to torture an abomination like that by prolonging its unnatural life. I'm surprised that you can sleep at night knowing the misery you're inflicting on that patchwork creature.

you seriously just threatened to kill my dog.
you are seriously talking about killing animals.
that's called psychosis, woman.
people actually need to get help for that shit.
you need help for that shit.
psychosis also explains a lot about your personality.

Euthanasia is actually the more humane option when living has become an exercise in suffering, as is the case with the blighted animal you seem intent on housing. Or are you against being as kind to your pets as you possibly can? That wouldn't surprise me.

you're fucking insane.
hellloooo, euthanasia is a kindness to the owners, not the animal.
in fact, that shit's actually MURDER.
if your argument holds true and murder's the better option for the one suffering, why is euthanasia illegal for humans?

Family members wanting to see relatives who've wronged them in the past suffer as long as possible, I'd imagine. There's nothing wrong with sending something that's become a burden to a more comfortable state.

do you know what happens after death?

The living sell off your life support machinery and move on to a more productive life for themselves.

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