savetheearth | two; video

[ The camera's pointed at a precious cutie scottie dog dressed in the most ridiculous dog outfit imaginable. The dog is currently licking its crotch. Karson's speaking from behind the camera. ]

Hey, network for assholes. Today's the most important day of the year, and I swear to god, if a single one of you is completely unaware of what day it is, I'm going to vomit all over this screen, and then, instead of guessing the day, you'll get to guess what I had for lunch.

So, you know what day it is today? It's America Day-- a day to celebrate the glorious freedom we could have if we'd all stop voting for Obama. A day to celebrate how, a fuckton of years ago, a bunch of powerful white men dressed in embarrassingly racist Native American costumes and wasted a lot of tea by dumping into a bay, killing all wildlife that might have lived there. It's to celebrate a revolution that was started by the murder of a freeman named Crispus Attucks, and it's to celebrate the first successful democracy ever created by a civilized nation. It's the day where we should all stand up for our rights and fight to bear arms!

[ The dog gets up and wanders over to Karson. He stops his rant for a moment to deliver a few pets. The dog promptly lies down and rolls over, demanding belly rubs. Karson delivers. ]

So get your fireworks, hold them high, and set that shit on fire--- except don't do it while it's in your hand, that's incredibly dangerous. Enjoy the light show tonight, and remember that thousands of people have died horrible, gangrene-filled deaths for freedom with a dash of democracy. God bless America, or whatever higher leveled deity you might worship.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're mixing your metaphors. You can't possibly hope for anyone to take you seriously with mistakes like that in your statements.

the mixing of metaphors was done to emphasize how crazy you have to be to either 1) try to convince me you have friends, or 2) suffer the delusion that you have a healthy social life.

You failed spectacularly in that attempt. All it did was underline how poorly you seem to handle the reality of your being wrong.

oh my god, it's the second option, isn't it?
you're suffering under the delusion you have friends.
holy shit, that's really really sad.

Ah, he's attempting to rationalize now. This ought to be amusing to watch.

~**~oh look at me im so smart~*~~**~
no, but seriously.
like you are really messed up and have you ever thought about getting help?
i mean, there are legit doctors around-- i think there are some on the network??
because wow, thinking you have a bunch of friends is probably the saddest thing i've heard in a while.

I'll go as soon as you do. Taking refuge in delusions simply because reality doesn't measure up to your warped sense of justice is quite a serious problem to be suffering through alone.

there is not justice involved.
it's just impossible that there are people out there who would ever want to be around you.
learn to read what i'm saying, smartymcsmart pants.

And yet there are. You might even qualify as number nine at this point.

is that what you do?
shanghai people into "friendship"?

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware that I'd hired a gunman to force you into conversing with me repeatedly with such vigor. Tell him that he can go home if he's bothering you so much.

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