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[When the video feed opens, the first thing to note about Alan's appearance is that he is covered in glitter. The second is that he's dressed to clean. The third is that he looks very, very worried.]

Does anyone here know how to get fairy dust off things? Octavia was practicing her flying and...

[He moves aside to show that the glitter is not just on him, the room he's in is also full of it. As he does, he turns his back on the camera, revealing a sparkly handprint on his butt.]

I need to get rid of this before my mom comes back, but it's taking forever. This stuff really sticks to everything. And I never realised how much dust there is everywhere, I'm never gonna get the place clean enough...

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oh my god.
you weren't

doing
it

were you

>:::;)

no

Why, Karson! Is there a pro8lem? I was just winking at you! Innocently. To say hi! Hi, Karson. Hiiiiiiii.

:::;)

i can't stop it.
i can't stop any of this.
i've failed, at long last.
i failed the only thing i ever set out to accomplish, and i failed it miserably in an explosion of teen hormones and amoral behavior.

You are so right!
You have faW8 W8 W8 W8 W8 W8 W8 W8.
Hold the fuck up.
The "only thing you ever set out to accomplish" is STOPPING ME AND ALAN DOING IT?
REALLY????????
WH8T IS WR8NG WITH Y8U AND Y8UR LIFE AND YO8R PRI8RITIES WH8T THE F8CK.

IM REACHING BUT I FALL AND STARS ETC ETC i dont even feel like pretending to be javert because im so upset.

You 8n't even kidding, are you.
You are legitim8tely upset at the thought of this 8eing a thing that happened.
WHAT. THE. FUCK. >::::|

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its none of your business what we were doing.

I bet you were, you filthy bastards.

GET OUT

Why? I haven't done anything!

well you did already call us filthy bastards.

But you are!

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LEAVE

Jesus, did you two coordinate your replies there?

We actually held a little whispered convers8tion a8out how 8est to dou8le team you with our responses, and decided that a unified "GTFO" was 8asically the 8est way to do this and NO*, F8CKST8CK, TH8T IS J8ST EVERY8ODY'S UNIVERS8L RESP8NSE T8 YOU FOREV8R.

So does that mean you two are rehearsing for an event? Synchronized Commenting for the 2016 Olympics? That's sure to be an exciting one.

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who the fuck are you
were you in on this
were you involved

hes a troll ignore him.

WHO IS HE HOW DOES HE KNOW THIS WHY IS HE TAKING OVER MY ROLE IN HIJACKING YOUR CONVERSATION AM I BEING REPLACED?!?!

YOU SHOULD DRIVE HIM AWAY. RECLAIM YOUR POSITION. MARK YOUR TERRITORY OR WHATEVER. JUST MAKE HIM SHUT THE FUCK UP.

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The only thing I've been involved with is keeping these two godforsaken animals from touching their genitals! Which is not an easy task, let me tell you.

Why? Who the fuck are you supposed to be?

you need to back the fuck down, buddy boy.
because you are straight up trying to assume my position, and i swear to god, i will not allow for this shit.
here is your only warning:
back off or suffer.

Oh really? Suffer what, exactly?

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