two; video

[enrages]

[ The camera's pointed at a precious cutie scottie dog dressed in the most ridiculous dog outfit imaginable. The dog is currently licking its crotch. Karson's speaking from behind the camera. ]

Hey, network for assholes. Today's the most important day of the year, and I swear to god, if a single one of you is completely unaware of what day it is, I'm going to vomit all over this screen, and then, instead of guessing the day, you'll get to guess what I had for lunch.

So, you know what day it is today? It's America Day-- a day to celebrate the glorious freedom we could have if we'd all stop voting for Obama. A day to celebrate how, a fuckton of years ago, a bunch of powerful white men dressed in embarrassingly racist Native American costumes and wasted a lot of tea by dumping into a bay, killing all wildlife that might have lived there. It's to celebrate a revolution that was started by the murder of a freeman named Crispus Attucks, and it's to celebrate the first successful democracy ever created by a civilized nation. It's the day where we should all stand up for our rights and fight to bear arms!

[ The dog gets up and wanders over to Karson. He stops his rant for a moment to deliver a few pets. The dog promptly lies down and rolls over, demanding belly rubs. Karson delivers. ]

So get your fireworks, hold them high, and set that shit on fire--- except don't do it while it's in your hand, that's incredibly dangerous. Enjoy the light show tonight, and remember that thousands of people have died horrible, gangrene-filled deaths for freedom with a dash of democracy. God bless America, or whatever higher leveled deity you might worship.

Comments

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[drama8om8]

...Did you seriously just ask me if the cake was a lie? 8\

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[enrages]

is the cake a lie??????????

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[drama8om8]

NO. X|

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[enrages]

ok.
good.
also at your birthday party, YOU HAVE TO GIVE CRAB CAKE TOO.
not a crabcake for crab, i feel like that's some form of cannibalism.
but legit cake for the dog.
THEN, AND ONLY THEN, WILL I ADMIT ANYTHING ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE.

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[drama8om8]

Uh, wow????????
Like I would fail to give Cwabbywabbykins cake!
What the fuck do you take me for. Are you implying that I am some kind of monster and/or so unbelievably fat that I would cling to the cake above all else, INCLUDING puppycuddles? >8|

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[enrages]

i just gotta make sure, okay?
who knows when someone'll decide to screw over my poor pupnik.
it's not his fault he doesn't have human vocal cords to fight oppression with!



alright, fine, okay.
you are moderately attractive in a non-traditional sense.

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[drama8om8]

That's it? SERIOUSLY?

 

 

 

 

Are you gay or something?

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[enrages]

no???
you're just not my type.

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[drama8om8]

 

 

 

 

 

Are you SURE? I am totally cool with it if you're a homosexual, ok, I'm not some bigoted asshole.

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[enrages]

forcing homosexuality onto me, despite how i've already idenitified myself, is being a bigot.

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[drama8om8]

Not MY fault if it's easier to believe than me not being ~*~*YOUR TYPE*~*~, god! I am EVERYBODY'S type. My hotness transcends typage! It is my burden and my curse and I REFUSE to believe you are immune.
So what IS your type? Are my thighs too fat? Do my thighs need to be fatter? Is my strong and independently womanly aura intimidating you because I clearly don't need no man? Do I need to pad my bra more start padding my bra like a loser? It's the hair, isn't it. OR IS IT THE TEN DOLLAR SOCKS????????

[ karson

ok this is serious

karson bb run

run like the wind

flee from this conversation like a tinier angrier usain bolt ok there are no right answers here

there are no winners

here there be dragons ]

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[enrages]

You're white.

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[drama8om8]

I'm one eighth egyptian, stop whitewashing me!

[ octavia

o c t a v i a ]

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[enrages]

w h i t e

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[drama8om8]

You are DISREGARDING MY HERITAGE! You are like one of those chumps who portrays bible guys as white dudes. That's you. That is exactly what you are doing right now, and it is terrible.

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[enrages]

w
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[drama8om8]

Then we are EVEN because TALENTLESS LOSER is not attractive to ME!!!!!!!!
So THERE.
I mean do you even have a cool power at all? Or visions of cool heroic deeds? I don't think so! Which is a good thing because you would look TERRIBLE in spandex. >8C

[ H U F F ]

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[enrages]

..........................DID YOU JUST ADMIT TO THINKING ABOUT ME IN SPANDEX?

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[drama8om8]

DFKJLSF NO. NO NO NO. DON'T START THAT I SWEAR TO FUCK NO.
I was referring to the spandex that will inevitably be worn by all the TALENTED PEOPLE when we form a cool superhero group!
I have been designing costumes and shit and UGHJKSDHKJFHSDLHG I WANT TO DIE.

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[enrages]

i feel so unclean right now.

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[drama8om8]

I WASN'T THINKING ABOUT YOU IN SPANDEX!!!!!!!! XO

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[enrages]

let's just never mention spandex again, please.

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[drama8om8]

I REFUSE to let you gross me out of my superhero costume plans!!!!!!!!
You just won't get one. Everybody else will be part of a cool team who fight evil, and you will remain sad and alone and clad in appropriately loose-fitting clothing.

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[enrages]

good.
i don't want to be objectified by my body.
that's my super power.
remaining a human fucking being instead of becoming a cartoon bastardization of who i once was.

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[drama8om8]

Haha, man.
Wouldn't it be incredibly ironic if you were to grow a host of increasingly sickening alien appendages now you have said that? 8D
DO you have any like. Actual powers yet?
Because I do! Powers and visions and so much cool shit you don't even know!