Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

[dead_black_eyes]

[The man appearing onscreen this morning is haggard, somber, and distracted. Clearly, he's been awake all night, something he's been doing far too often lately, sitting curled in the middle of what appears to be a cleaned up but ancient school gymnasium's basketball court with his chin on his knees. A few feet away is a blue tarp hiding something sizable and lumpy.]

I know Albero's people are striking Espresso Yourself, early on the morning of Sunday, November 23, at 3:15 AM. They will be there to raze the building to the ground and they do not intend to take prisoners.

[He bites his lip, glancing away from the camera. The calmness he's affected since Anthony's death slips for a second, revealing something like fear. He swallows.]

I've been waiting for a pulse. I was hoping that maybe my other's experience and knowledge could help me, in this regard, but up to this point... it's been all quiet on that front.

[He rises slowly, moving towards the tarp and drawing it away from what it conceals. There are many pounds of dynamite stacked in the middle of his gym, along with several ominous looking canisters.]

I have dynamite and nitroglycerin. I think...

[He takes a deep, shuddering breath.]

I know we can kill a lot of them. Part of me really wants to, and I can't be the only one. But I know... I know that's not what we're fighting for, a criminal record of our own and another reason to be driven out of this city. So...

[He sits again, hard, on the floor, eyes and posture conveying a distinctly dazed quality.]

I think maybe it would be better to use this information to get the FBI on this and catch them in the act, with no blood shed. I'm prepared for both of these scenarios, but honestly... I don't know what's right. I'm so tired. I trust all of you, so... please help me make the right decision.

EDIT: I've been informed that Nick knows about another upcoming opportunity, a chance to hit the Mafia where it hurts. There's to be a meeting of higher-ups in the near future; further details are forthcoming.

Comments

[dead_black_eyes]

[L's learning that this is more difficult depending on who's talking to him. Someone like Tony, who he has convinced himself he needs to remain strong for, makes this a singularly embarrassing breakdown.

It's only a breakdown if he makes it seem like he's lost control. He tries to hold things together.]

Yeah, I know. You should know that I have no immediate plans to die; Albero and I think very differently.

[oncedevil]

Yeah? And I've seen your decision making first-hand, don't forget. Don't want you going out in a blaze of glory as a hero without me, you hear?

[He doesn't need that, he doesn't need false strength. He wants honesty, humanity, if the people he looks up to have their weaknesses then his are okay to have as well. Makes him feel less guilty when he's not sure what to do with himself.]

[dead_black_eyes]

I'm not a hero, and I don't think I'm going to be. Anyone in my place would be doing whatever they could, Tony.

[Not necessarily true, and definitely not when it comes to those piles of explosives. Only a certain kind of crazy thinks that way, and there aren't many people like L in Locke City.]

[oncedevil]

Not anyone, L. But I know I'm glad you are, and I know others feel the same.

[It was easier to run away, bury your head and hide. L wasn't doing that, and that took a lot of guts. Of course the sitting on a pile of explosives was taking it just a bit too far.]

[dead_black_eyes]

[That helps a lot. More than L can possibly begin to express, so he doesn't try, feeling that any effort wouldn't do it justice.]

You know I'll do whatever I can until I can't for you and everyone. That's not in question and it shouldn't be... regardless of how anyone feels about it.

[oncedevil]

[It's fine, won't change Tony's stance that his opinions probably don't matter. He'll keep trying anyway for some reason.]

I know you will, man. But you can't forget to look after yourself too, yeah? Killing yourself isn't doing anyone any favors.

[dead_black_eyes]

[The fact that Tony does keep trying is something L admittedly draws inspiration from. It keeps him going, even when he's sure he can't.]

I don't want to kill myself. But we all die, Tony. If it has to happen, it's better for it to help others. A good death can make up for an entirely wasted life.

[oncedevil]

[Sometimes he doesn't know why he keeps trying. Too stupid to quit, maybe?]

Except your life isn't a waste.

[dead_black_eyes]

Not while I can contribute, it isn't. As long as I can keep going, it is indeed not a waste.

Nevertheless... I confess it's nice to hear. Thank you for reminding me, Tony.

[oncedevil]

So long as we're clear.

[Sitting with a pile of bombs did seem like quite the call for help.]

Don't sweat it. Sometimes we all need to hear the things others take for granted as being understood, you know?

[Wow when did he get deep?]

[dead_black_eyes]

[It is surprisingly deep, but L always had a feeling that Tony had it in him. A pale smile flickers across his face.]

Yeah. It does help. I'm glad so many can help me see the forest for the trees.

I just have to stay cool it until we can hit Albero more precisely where it hurts.

[oncedevil]

[He may not have the same education level as most, but he was a smart kid. Thought a lot, empathized even more, and understood people a lot more than he tended to let on.]

Exactly. It might suck for now, but we'll get our chance. He can't keep this shit up forever, something's gonna slip.

[dead_black_eyes]

[In the grand scheme of things, education means relatively little; as someone who almost had a master's degree at 17, L can attest to it.]

Something has to slip. I won't stop until he's dead, Tony. I can't stop.

[He is sure that Tony, of all people, will understand.]

[oncedevil]

[Given some time and tools Tony could probably get his GED at the very least. He'd just need to be made aware that it was even a thing. Education doesn't mark a person's worth, just their opportunities.]

I know, man, I know. I want my pound of flesh too, don't you worry.

[Of course he does. And he's not one to stop L from it, just from making himself and the numbered look like the terrorist lunatics the media likes to paint them as.]

[dead_black_eyes]

I'm not worried. It's keeping me going right now, if anything... as long as I know I can help, I know I've got some kind of purpose to drive my ambitions. Everyone needs that in their life.

[oncedevil]

Yeah, I guess you've got a point there. Unless they're not the ambitious type anyway. Just relax, yeah? It'll come.

[dead_black_eyes]

[Soft, humorless, slightly unbalanced laughter.]

Don't you know that telling someone to relax is the last thing that will get the job done?

[oncedevil]

[He rolls his eye.]

You wanna get it done right or get it done messy? Relax.

[dead_black_eyes]

I want to call Mack. He could get it done right.

[Mumbled. He's distressed enough that he doesn't care that he's saying this out loud.]

[oncedevil]

Mack?

[Who is Mack he's never heard of a Mack on the Network before.]

[dead_black_eyes]

That isn't his real name, but he's an old friend of mine.

[Technically true.]

[oncedevil]

An old friend with bomb expertise?

[Pointed look.]

[dead_black_eyes]

Not even, but if there's something I need he can usually find it for me.

[What are you going to do about it? L sees that pointed look and raises it by simply not caring.]

[oncedevil]

Like someone with bomb experience?

[That's okay because now he's got a bone.]

[dead_black_eyes]

Yes. I won't say he's never steered me wrong, but he's always been there and he's never ignored my calls. Even if he isn't Numbered, he's got my back. If I tell him that I have a need to relax, he'll get me there.