savetheearth | Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

[The man appearing onscreen this morning is haggard, somber, and distracted. Clearly, he's been awake all night, something he's been doing far too often lately, sitting curled in the middle of what appears to be a cleaned up but ancient school gymnasium's basketball court with his chin on his knees. A few feet away is a blue tarp hiding something sizable and lumpy.]

I know Albero's people are striking Espresso Yourself, early on the morning of Sunday, November 23, at 3:15 AM. They will be there to raze the building to the ground and they do not intend to take prisoners.

[He bites his lip, glancing away from the camera. The calmness he's affected since Anthony's death slips for a second, revealing something like fear. He swallows.]

I've been waiting for a pulse. I was hoping that maybe my other's experience and knowledge could help me, in this regard, but up to this point... it's been all quiet on that front.

[He rises slowly, moving towards the tarp and drawing it away from what it conceals. There are many pounds of dynamite stacked in the middle of his gym, along with several ominous looking canisters.]

I have dynamite and nitroglycerin. I think...

[He takes a deep, shuddering breath.]

I know we can kill a lot of them. Part of me really wants to, and I can't be the only one. But I know... I know that's not what we're fighting for, a criminal record of our own and another reason to be driven out of this city. So...

[He sits again, hard, on the floor, eyes and posture conveying a distinctly dazed quality.]

I think maybe it would be better to use this information to get the FBI on this and catch them in the act, with no blood shed. I'm prepared for both of these scenarios, but honestly... I don't know what's right. I'm so tired. I trust all of you, so... please help me make the right decision.

EDIT: I've been informed that Nick knows about another upcoming opportunity, a chance to hit the Mafia where it hurts. There's to be a meeting of higher-ups in the near future; further details are forthcoming.

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Yep! There were a few like... shorts or something? Trivia and some racing thing, but this is the actual sequel so I figured that'd be better.

[He unfolds himself from the comfortable pretzel form he'd taken on the couch to stretch.]

Bathroom break. I'll get some more Oreos and we can pop the next one in.

[He was just glad L was enjoying it so much. He was almost afraid the guy wouldn't get it, or that he'd think cartoons were dumb. So Tony's delighted they can share a taste in movies. After the stretch he totters off to go do exactly that, break and Oreos.]

OK... no problem, I'll wait.

[While Tony is gone, he rubs at his eyes. They're bleary, but he is not ready to return to the real world and all its troubles yet.]

Tony?

[He calls after him, unaware and seemingly unconcerned with whether or not he'd find it awkward to shout back and forth while he's in the bathroom.]

Tony, would you trade your leg for a dragon like Toothless?

[L, he is not talking to you while he's using the John okay? But he's not long, and after washing his hands because he isn't disgusting he calls out.]

That's a hard one, man. [On his way to the kitchen to fetch more Oreos.] I mean, I'm pretty attached to my legs. Sure I could learn to get around without one, I mean I'm doin' alright with the whole eye thing. And having a dragon would be pretty cool...

[Casually he saunters back in, idly tossing the package to L as he moves to go set up the next video.]

What about you?

[L catches the package; an incredible perk of having working hands is having this newfound deftness. He happily goes about opening it.]

I think I wouldn't. A dragon's a pretty big animal, and even if it's intelligent and relatively clean, I don't have anywhere to keep one. I don't have time to ride it all day, like it would probably want. I could help an injured one with what Ray taught me, back when I needed an arm brace, but otherwise... I'm not much like Hiccup. So no... no dragon.

[His next words are spoken around two Oreos stuffed simultaneously in his mouth.]

It's OK though, I already have a good friend.

I hadn't thought about that part. Sure be a lot of work, wouldn't it?

[Out comes the first CD and put into the correct box, in goes the new one, and Tony hops back into his place beside L on the couch.

That last statement though, that's the one that earns the delighted grin. Tony couldn't even begin to explain how happy that made him to hear. He was so glad L had chosen to accept his offer rather than staying alone and hurting himself.]

I've got a pretty good one, too.

[Spoken more softly. He nabs an Oreo and hits play. What does the land of dragons have in store for them this time?]

Too much work for a skinny guy alone in this universe.

[L's glad he's here too, and it's probably obvious in his relaxed posture; even his smile, usually tense and controlled, is unguarded and reaches his dark eyes. He bites his lip when Tony returns his sentiment; was it really that big a deal?]

Do you? Yeah, Shou's great that way.

[Lightheartedly, he puts an Oreo over his curled thumb and flips it in Tony's direction like a coin.]

Man, no kidding. Maybe in that universe it would be different.

[They had too many things to worry about like bills and taxes. Adding feeding a dragon on top of that? Too much. But man, it sure was nice seeing L so relaxed and enjoying himself for a change. This was just the ticket wasn't it?]

Pfeh. [Tony shoved him lightly with his elbow, catching the Oreo and stuffing it in his mouth.][He flashes a silly grin as the movie starts up.]

[It's probably a lot like seeing a completely different person. As "How to Train Your Dragon II" plays, he lets himself be immersed in the story, which is broader in scope than the first film and more emotionally striking. His favorite character makes herself known pretty clearly; Hiccup's mother has his attention, and it never quite leaves her. She's adept and strong, but she seems to have forgotten how to interact with human beings. She wants and is working toward something greater and exists outside of society's rules while doing good, and he bites his lip when she says that she thought it would be better if she didn't return. That resonates with him, even if it's hollow and it hurts a little bit. He even stops eating Oreos for her scenes.]

[It really was like seeing a different person, the neurotic, stern and sometimes severe L melted into something entirely else. Tony could tell L favored Hiccup's mother, and he couldn't blame him. There were similarities there, while at the same time she was a wholesome and astounding character. With great strength and courage, and overall the entire family was just loving and supportive even through the tough times. Tony was particularly fond of the father, and was heartbroken when he passed so suddenly.

Stupid movie about wonderful families and friendships making him have stupid feelings. But they were good feelings, and overall he was glad he'd picked the movies he had.]

[L's not great at emotions. But he's grown attuned to Tony, and he glances aside after the death of Stoick.]

Are... you OK? Is it difficult? We can turn it off...

[He doesn't want to, but he's willing, if Tony's affected too deeply by parental death.]

My father's dead, too, I just don't care... I never knew him.

[Tony tries to hide his (of course he'd be drawn to a character named Stoick), but sometimes they still slip through a little. Hastily he scrubs at his face, shaking his head.]

Nah, I'm alright, it's good.

[He smiles a little sadly. He's old enough it shouldn't burn like this, but every now and then he's reminded too strongly and old wounds reopen. What would they think of their son now, would they be disappointed? Would they be ashamed?]

Nah I'm... I miss them. Sometimes. That's all. I'm alright.

[L doesn't know that he'd call whatever is happening good, but he nods, deciding to at least take Tony's word for it on the surface. Not like there's much he can do about it, other than offering sympathy, and that's never exactly been his strong suit.]

It's hard to know for sure unless you've seen both sides, and the nature of it is that you're either on one side or the other. I never knew my parents. I don't know if that's better or worse than knowing them well enough to miss them. There's no pain, but it's because they're strangers to me. All I really know about them is the way they died, and how it's indirectly my fault, and it's not productive to think that way."

[Well, whatever it was it wasn't bad, even if crying tended to seem like a bad thing. It wasn't a sad cry, more bittersweet, good sad feelings. Fond memories that touched a little deeper than he generally let people see. Just don't make fun of him, L, Tony knows it's not manly to cry he just can't help it.

Don't worry about him.]

I dunno, sometimes I wonder if it'd be easier, but... [He trailed off, attention turning back to the movie and fond family times happening there. He wore a watery smile, then scrubbed at his eyes again. No, he was fine, nothing to see here.] I think I'd rather keep the memories I have.

[Even if they hurt sometimes.]

I'm sorry you don't know your parents. How's it your fault?

[The happy family onscreen, even sans Stoick, stirs little in L. He still likes Hiccups mother, and he's glad she survived, having been sure that she was doomed; her archetype generally is. He doesn't cry, perhaps doesn't have it in him to, but he would never make fun of Tony for it. Maybe he envies him a little; it looks like it relieves a significant amount of tension.]

Life is nothing but memories. The second you realize you've lived a moment, it's a memory. So chew on that.

[He reaches for another Oreo, but instead of eating it, he just twists it between his fingers, back and forth, letting the cookies slide around on the frosting.]

When I was born, there were complications, and my mother died. If she'd never been pregnant, she would have lived. Two months later, one room over from where I slept, my father shot himself in the head and died instantly. He was depressed; he missed my mother, because she died, because of the complications that I caused. So... you understand that it's not my fault, while having absolutely been caused by me.

[It does help, even if it makes him feel stupid and weak after. Especially doing it in front of someone else. He really wishes he could have kept it in, but unfortunately with everything that's been going on lately that's about impossible.]

Heh... you've got a point there.

[Composure regained, he sniffs one last time before grabbing another Oreo to nibble on himself. The story earns a frown, and lacking in any better way to express it Tony scoots over next to L and just slumps against him. This is how he says everything will be okay.]

Shit... [That's heavy.] You can't blame yourself for something like that, though, you know?

[Of all the people to cry in front of, L is probably one of the gentlest about it. He knows what Tony's gone through, and what he has a right to not hold back.]

If you believe in a concept like... karma...

[He seems to consider taking another cookie, but ultimately opts not to, instead watching Tony munch on his.]

I guess that it would make me feel better to know that I saved some lives later, whether or not those deaths were my fault in some way. That's always been important to me, the idea that I could really make a difference. That's probably why it hit me so hard when I was rejected from the police force, back in... 2009? I think it was 2009.

[He's grateful for that. Tony isn't the type to whine about the raw deal he's been given because he didn't get the new iPad he wanted. He's been through hell, almost literally, and sometimes there's a point where you just can't hold up anymore. He'd reached that a long time ago, and still tried. Had to give him credit for that.]

If you did have some karma to make up for, I think you've more than made up for it. Even if you can't be blamed for something like that.

['Being born' shouldn't be enough reason to land someone in karma deficit, Tony feels.]

You've made a lot of difference, L, and you're making more all the time.

[A pause.]

Why'd they reject you?

[The words are kind, and as is often the case, they're more than L seems to believe he deserves. For whatever reason, this "karma deficit" has hung over him practically from the point of sentience, and it's probably contributed to messing him up a little bit.]

Well...

[He twists a strand of his hair, swallowing the lump in his throat. He still doesn't reach for another cookie.]

The thing about the police force is they tend not to hire crazy people, and I'm schizophrenic, as you... probably know, by now. They said that my personality just wasn't a good fit. I'll admit it kind of wrecked me for a long time.

[Maybe someday, after he's heard them enough times, L will start to believe them. Or at least accept that others believe them about him.]

Ah...

[Yeah, he figured, even if he wasn't going to jump to that conclusion until L admitted it himself. Tony just nodded, and wordlessly bumped the cookie package in his direction.]

I can see that... Still, maybe it's better that way? I mean, and this is entirely selfish, but if you were a cop I don't think you'd have ever thought to help me out. And then where would we be?

[Police didn't treat the homeless like humans, after all.]

[It's a lot of damage, knotted up over an entire lifetime, but recently some of those tangles have been loosened and soothed by the willingness of people like Tony to open their lives to him. It allows him to do things like this, watch a movie without his guard up, and even admit something he hasn't said out loud to anyone in years. Even if the signs are clear and obvious, saying the name of a monster out loud just makes it seem so much realer.

He reaches for a cookie, turning it in his hands rather than eating it, but he'll get there.]

It took a long time to admit that the career wasn't a good fit for me. It just... really sucked to look at something I couldn't change, and see it actively wrecking everything I'd worked toward. My father was a police detective, and I wanted to be one since I was... two, probably. It was my dream. Seeing it just hit out of the air by something as arbitrary and random as an illness felt so unfair, but... I guess that's life. You take the good with the arbitrary bullshit, and people like you have reminded me that there is good. There's so much of it in the world. It's a world that deserves to be saved."

[If anyone can understand those points it's Tony. Many years of repressed damage, and having a face and name to your monsters. They're terrifying, no matter what they're called, but perhaps knowing that he isn't alone and he isn't being judged might help L come to terms with his own.

There that's better. Tony feels a little better as long as he's holding one.]

That had to be hard. [Idly Tony nibbled on a cookie.] I can't imagine. But... that's good, right? That there's still something worth doing? Even if it isn't your dream?

[He thinks so too, that the world deserves saving. Even if sometimes it's dark and horrible, there's still enough good to make it worth it.]

[He gives Tony a pale smile, appreciating his empathy. It goes without saying that these are not topics he feels he can speak openly about with most of the people he knows, and he doesn't want to burden Tony with his sorrows, but the younger man seems more than willing to at least acknowledge them. He's joining L in turning them over in his hand like seashells, commenting on their properties, and it's probably a big part of what he needs to just return them to the dark waters that shaped them.]

There's always something good, and fortunately I've gotten better at seeing it. People change, and so do dreams... I have new ones, now, that aren't reliant on some dickhole giving me permission to chase them. That school, for one...

[Tony understands, and appreciates that L can be so open and honest with him. Even if sometimes it's hard, for both of them, he's willing to do anything in his power to help L. L deserves and needs a support network that won't shun him for his issues, he's been shunned far too much in his life. Things Tony understands far too well.

He can't fix anything, but he can help L in looking at them a little closer, and be there when he feels alone in the dark.]

[He nods.]

It's a big project. I think you'll see it to completion though. And there you don't have to wait for anyone to tell you that you can.

[He laughs, a soft and shattered but ultimately hopeful sound.]

Your faith in my ability to see it through means so much. When I do, it's... really my hope that you'll be there too. Maybe that's selfish of me but you're my closest friend and any future you're not involved with just doesn't feel right to me.

[There, see? There's a light at the end of the tunnel after all.]

I've seen you at work, you don't quit. No matter what, you'll see it through. [He sounds absolutely certain of that.] Me? [A pause, not uncertain because he doesn't want to, simply uncertain because he doesn't understand what he could really do to help. Still... despite his own self-doubts he's delighted to hear L wants him to stay around longer than until this Numbered business is up. If it ever is. He smiles, almost shy, and a touch hopeful.] Yeah... of course I'll stick around. Long as you'll have me.

Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

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