webcam video;

[drama8om8]

[ It's hard to tell what's brighter - Octavia's smile or the exceptionally ridiculous dress she's currently wearing. They certainly take away attention from the giant jumble of oversized machinery set up in her basement, anyway.

Her hands are clasped behind her back, as though she's hiding something. HOW MYSTERIOUS. ]

I have maaaaaaaajorly super important and vital news. On a scale of one to eight, this is like. Two eights. Firstly: Alan helped me figure out what my eye lasers do. Turns out they make people super unlucky! Who knew.

[ Alan staggers into the shot looking slightly rumpled, apparently willing to confirm this. Unfortunately for him, he does so by tripping over the mess of machinery and promptly disappearing from view. ]

...He'll be fine. That's my alchemiter and stuff, bee-tee-dubs! And it is hells of awesome. Check it out. I can take two items, like a knife and a gun, and make a...

[ She finally reveals what she's been hiding behind her back: a gun with a knife fused to it. ]

...knifegun! That shoots tiny little knives. See?

[ She shoots the knifegun to demonstrate. The tiny knife-bullet ricochets off the basement wall with a ping and heads straight for the unluckiest sap in the room - Alan. Who now has a teeny little knife embedded in his butt. Screeching from both parties ensues as Octavia slams her laptop shut, ending the video. ]

Comments

Video

[theboywiththebook]

[ Staring. Judging.

Staring AND Judging. Yup, he's thinking it. He's thinking that thought where "I'm still surprised we've lasted this long with people this nuts on our side." Because, seriously? Knifegun. And super magical bad luck laser powers.]

Is...Is he going to be OKAY?

1/3

[drama8om8]

I SHOT HIM

2/3

[drama8om8]

I SHOT MY LOVING HUSBOYFRANDO

3/3

[drama8om8]

IN THE BUTT.

[guitar_case_vagabond]

[There are times in one's life, particularly after things have gotten a little too heavy for a little while, when one's brain will latch onto something as the funniest goddamned thing they ever did see, resulting in uncontrollable, braying laughter.

For Raye Satterfield, this is one of those times.]

PPPFFFFT-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HOLY SHIT--HOLY SHIT YOU GOT HIM RIGHT IN THE ASS! HAHAHAHA--ow, fuck that hurts-- ffft--HAHAHAHA!

[drama8om8]

REALLY. DID I REALLY? HOLY FUCKING SHIT I DIDN'T REALISE. THANK YOU FOR PERFORMING A VALUABLE SERVICE IN TELLING ME THAT I JUST SHOT A KNIFE INTO MY BOYFRIEND'S BUTT. HOW WOULD I HAVE LIVED WITHOUT YOUR FUCKING INPUT YOU FUCK AGRHRHRGHGHR

[hungryhunter]

Holy shit you can't end it like that man...is he alright?! Is his butt permanently damaged?! Are you taking him to the hospital for immediate butt surgery?!

[All said with 100% serious concern even if her statements are ridiculous.]

[drama8om8]

No no it's. It's cool. His healing bee-ess totally extends to his butt! I assume. I mean probably.

I should help it along with special healing buttpats from my Jesus-hands.

[ Except as she reaches out to do it Alan starts yelling so MAYBE SHE'LL JUST TAKE A RAINCHECK ON THAT ]

action;

[wirsinddiejager]

NEVER USE YOUR EYE LASERS ON ME AGAIN.

[The good news is that Alan has already successfully removed the tiny knife and healed the wound it caused. The bad news is that his pants are totally ruined. He's turning and contorting this way and that in an attempt to see how bad the damage is. Which of course makes him lose his balance and trip on his feet because he has NONE OF THE LUCK.]

action;

[drama8om8]

LIKE I WOULD EVER RISK YOUR MAGNIFICENT BUTT EVER AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU TAKE ME FOR.

[ WHat if she just. Fret-hovers around like an irritating bug. WHAT THEN. ]

Is it sore? Do you need a band-aid? Did you pull the knife out yet?

anon; text

[siesinddasessen]

How long did it take him to heal that?

anon; text

[drama8om8]

Oh, let me just check my stopwatch and I D8N'T KN8W. WHO ASKS A TH8NG LIKE TH8T OH MY G8D.

 

 

Like a few minutes tops. 8UT SERIOUSLY. PRIORITIES!!!!!!!!

Voice.

[flamberge]

[...What the hell did he even just... You know what, just accept it, Karl. A girl can make bad luck laserbeams shoot out her eyes and a guy just got hit in the ass with a knifegun. This is reality.]

You ought to consider recording your antics and sending them to the cultists. It may make them reconsider their fanatical aspirations.

Voice.

[drama8om8]

Please! Like those kooks wouldn't be too dazzled by my neat-ass wings and supernaturally-perfect hair to notice the teeny tiny little occasional blunder.

Like, really super small.

Miniscule.

Wee.

video;

[waltharius]

Why on Earth would you shoot that when someone with a... luck-draining curse is in the room?

[ He's trying not to laugh, because his friend just shot his other friend in the butt and that can't have felt good.

He doesn't seem to be trying super hard, though. ]

I just. You guys constantly manage to amaze me.

video;

[drama8om8]

[ Know what your response is, Walter? IT'S SOME FUCKING SCRUNCHYFACING.

She's actually pretty good at it. LOOK. BEHOLD THE SCRUNCH. OBSERVE FIRST-HAND WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE BESCRUNCHED AT. ]

[text]

[grannyfucker]

You killed him! You killed him right in the butt!

Do you know what this means? He might never poop again! He might never raise a poop family. He'll never know the pleasure of watching his little turds grow up and grow old. He won't have buttbombs of his own to take care of him in old age.

You've doomed him to a life of hysterically bathing in chocolate pudding to pretend it's his own, like those women who strap pillows to their bellies because all their fetus fugitives keep escaping from preggo prison.

[text]

[drama8om8]

[ SMH. S. M. H. ]

He has 8ullshit healing powers, asshole! His 8utt is invinci8le. Invulnera8utt. GOD.

And speaking of prison 8N'T THAT WHERE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO 8E???????? >::::I

[wasthatmymom]

Woah. Fatality. Player one wins.

[drama8om8]

Boom! Buttshot. Three-sixty-noscope gee gee no ree.

 

 

 

I MEAN THIS IS SERIOUS, HOLY SHIT.

text

[dirtdevil]

i hope you guys wake up every morning and thank your lucky stars for your immortality/regeneration because i honestly can't believe either of you are still alive at this point.

text

[drama8om8]

And I honestly can't 8elieve your haircut is a thing SO TH8T M8KES US EVEN.
8oom! Sick 8urn outta nowhere. >::::I

[video]

[peacefulwinter]

Unluck eye beams? That's... that's a really specific and highly unusual power. Is there... another setting, or something like that?

And have you tried to make anything else? Do you need a recipe for your... you c-called it an alchemiter? Or can you just put anything in it and it works?

[video]

[drama8om8]

Another setting. Sure! If I flick the switch on the back of my head, my eye lasers can be used for cooking. Heat up shitty instant noodles in seconds with Serket brand eye-microwaves! God.

[ So much eye-rolling. Possibly more than that warranted. ]

As for the alchemy junk, I also made my cool dress. And a big thing full of green slime. And a jacket for Alan. Recipes and planning things out are for losers and nerds and lamey-lame dorks who are afraid to live on the edge!

audio

[epimethean]

Knife...gun.

audio

[drama8om8]

Knifegun! Don't let that teeny tiny little miniscule baby mishap-let put you off, Wheetoes. This is some incredibly advanced stuff!

[Video]

[charcoalfeather]

[stunned silence

....Should she laugh or scream?

....Or both. Is both an option?]

....Where did you get that dress?

[Let's talk about something else shall we?]

[Video]

[drama8om8]

[ EXCELLENT CHOICE. Octavia is only too happy to do a twirl in the dress to demonstrate how completely fucking ridiculous it is. ]

Made it in my alchemiter! I combined past-me's fairy dress and a bag of my fairy dust and bam. The actual best dress in the entire history of everything ever! Isn't it cooooooool?

[wonk]

i could be hype about the alchemiter

but im 2 busy laughin @ the fact that u managed 2 buttshot ur bf

tavia thats not how pegging works

[drama8om8]

8SHGKLE8DHFo

Video;

[yerawizarderi]

Pfft--Ahahahahahahahah...

ahaha...

ahaha-

[A small moment for air, and:]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

[THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE TAG.]

Video;

[drama8om8]

EAT EVERY DICK IN THE WORLD, FUCKLORD!

[ SO ELOQUENT

SO CONCISE ]

video;

[starlightheart]

[ Stare.

A long stare.

More staring.

Ah, yes.

This is why she's afraid to come on here. ]

...why a knifegun?

[ Though she doesn't mean for it to come out in a way which clearly says, "You people scare me..." Well. It sort of comes out just like that. ]

video;

[drama8om8]

Because knifegun. Knifegun is why!

[ Waving it around like a lunatic. WOW SHE REALLY LEARNED HER LESSON ABOUT GUN SAFETY AMIRITE? ]

It has all the coolness of a knife and a gun in one convenient package. Why not a knifegun?

[video]

[bronographic]

Creative.

[He raises an eyebrow.]

But you'd probably benefit firing that thing somewhere a bit safer. Unless you wanted to give us a show.

[video]

[drama8om8]

Uh, excuse you! There is literally nowhere safer to fire this thing than at his butt. But I gueeeeeeeess that since you appreciate my creativity I can let your super naive outlook on Alanbutts slide! Just this once.

[Video]

[oncedevil]

[He's sorry this is a horrible thing but he can't help the uproarious laughter that follows that little display.

Octavia you're like an inept cartoon villain or something this is just ridiculous.]

Didn't anyone ever tell you not to play with guns? Even knifeguns? Poor guy.

[Video]

[drama8om8]

I have first-hand experience of the dangers of guns, okay! God.

[ HUFF! ]

This was nothing. A tiny little butt-injury barely even counts in the varied world of maladies and mishaps!

[Video]

[gobybessie]

[ HEAD. IN. HANDS. ]

How is he?

[Video]

[drama8om8]

You might say...

[ no ]

...that he's...

[ OCTAVIA NO ]

...

[ NONONONONO ]

Butthurt.

[ So much cackly laughter. SO MUCH. ]