voice; webcam

[reapsthewind]

[god i need more icons. Red text means she's speaking Cybertronian (decepticon dialect), so you'll only understand that if, well, you speak Cybertronian.

Chris is doing a video post, which is weird, because she never does that. It's pretty dark in her room, actually -- you can barely make out behind her a few of her prototype hand-made drones (which she uses for home-testing avionics software and AI) and more half-finished model planes than anyone should own.

The elephant (s) in the room of course are those arms, which are now fully visible: metal from the shoulder down, white to the elbow and then dark blue to the fingers. Between the metal plates, there's the faint glow of what looks like violet circuitry. Her eyes also seem very slightly brighter than they were before, the irises just a little bigger.

She looks awful; pale and shaken, like she hasn't slept in a few days.]

I, um.

[She speaks pretty quietly, runs a hand through her hair, takes a deep breath. Her hands are shaking pretty significantly.]

Can't type well yet. Not used to the arms. They also, um, shake, and hurt. I think they are low on power, I don't have an energon source,, whatever energon is, because honestly I have no idea except that I'd need it to fuel these?

Sorry, I hate... hate doing posts where you can hear my voice. I hate my voice, did you know that? Haha.

[She starts wringing her hands, still not really looking at the camera, and then stops when she accidentally pulls her left thumb out, basically starting to cause her arm to transform slightly into a different configuration. She stops, stares, and then gently pushes it back where it belongs.]

Which is funny, right, because I won't fucking shut up in real life, most of the time? But when I was a kid I hated the sound of my own voice and I think it's the audio recording thing, in that when I hear it recorded it makes it worse, so I don't like having it exist in a space where I can hear it...

...

That's not the point of this post, I don't know what the hell I'm doing. Um.

[She runs her hands through her hair, then clasps her hands and rests her chin on them, elbows on the desk, finally facing the camera, though not looking into it.]

I, uh. I put everyone in danger. I'm sorry, god, it was my fault. I should have... I should have fucking known better, go investigate the mine! Ha ha, great plan, when all the info we got was probably planted by Thunder Corp, when another group went already and didn't even FIND anything, of course they were watching it, and went ah, bet the idiots will come back, let's plant a thing that looks like answers and kill 'em and Primus.

people almost died.

[she closes her eyes]

People almost died and I feel like it was my fault. I'm sorry. Primus I'm sorry. I, uh. Um.

[She's shaking a lot harder now.]

I'm going to turn off this video feed, now, and um, maybe try to sleep, but god I am so sorry.

Comments

VOICE

[happybirthdaytoyou]

[He's speaking into the cool grasshopper-shaped transforming can robot he found in his totebag after the mine clusterfuck.]

You were very brave.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

[annnnd that's adorable]

[she's quiet for a while, but honestly that... means a lot.]

Was I?

audio;

[enrages]

[ Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand he recognizes that voice. Because, like she said, welp, it's pretty fucking distinctive.

Despite their bitching session earlier, Karson always feels bad hearing people like this, and wow she has robot arms; it would be really cool to be friends with a robot.

He has to keep his voice down, since he's using the TV to access the network due to being double-grounded. Don't waaake dadddd. ]

Hey, hey, you. Stop that shit. The whole... self deprecating thing, okay? Because, guess what! You're not the sole person responsible for all this shit. How about you blame, you know, the guys who set you up? Or the old guy for not being like, "btws, this is a trap?" Or, well, everyone who was like "damn, this is such a great idea, let's go to the mine." Since, you know, free will still exists and everything. You're not the sole arbiter of blame, and you're not the sole recipient of it, either.

audio;

[reapsthewind]

I know that logically, like, I do, but then you think in the night what if I'd been skeptical and no-fun-allowed? Maybe nobody would have gone, I just...

I don't know. And everything hurts right now and I feel sick.

video, laptop webcam

[stealinghats]

[After a long hesitant moment (holy shit her arms) he puts himself on video as well. It felt a little too impersonal, talking to her while she was exposed like this and not even offering his own face. His room is dark, lit up by the screen of his tiny laptop.

Also there might be, uh, bats. Try not to mind the bats flapping around in the background, if you notice them.]

... Look, whatever happened—no one could've known that would happen. We have to take risks if we want to find answers, yes? Even if it was a trap all along, we've still gained some knowledge from it, in a way. If you hadn't searched the mine, surely someone else would've instead.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

... I guess, yeah. But even then, what did we really find out? I think that guy was just saying planted lines, there's no Crystal or Jewel or whatever he said. We're back at square one, only now everyone's traumatized and people got hurt.

[ text | cellphone ]

[hoennmaihime]

[you know what she's just going to leave that apology alone because the whole incident was embarrassing as fuck for her, let's just not.]

Why do you keep speaking in another language?

...What is that language anyway? I've never heard anything like it before.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

I don't know. It came to me with one of those echoes or whatever they are. Sometimes when I think about stuff related to those flashbacks it all comes out in that language. Like I don't even know what the english word for energon is. I know it's some kind of in-between state of matter similar to plasma... really more comparable to photons, a kind of suspended state between matter and energy?

[talking about SCIENCE is calming so she's gonna keep doing that]

And I know it's the main fuel source for... um, the race of people, I keep remembering. It's what they eat, they're machine-people. And that's the language they speak, I think it's... Cybertronian.

Which if I were going to tryyyy to translate into English is something like... the language of the people of the machine?

( text | laptop. )

[jests]

You don't think people would have gone regardless? You're hardly the sole director of agency.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

Maybe! I don't know!? I can't know now, and even if they did, I didn't exactly help.

video; iPhone

[earnedmystripes]

[Kotetsu's own voice is a bit tired, though there's no judgment in it.]

Oi, it wasn't your fault. These things...we're pretty much always in over our heads with 'em.

[It's not too different from the werewolf incident that way, he thinks vaguely, idly, and at the back of his mind wonders why Casval wasn't around for this when he'd been so involved in everything before. Maybe he had to go out of town....?]

But if we do nothing, then those alien bastards are gonna take over, right?

[That, and Paul Ben will go unavenged. Jack Sears will be trapped on the run for something he never did. It's not justice. Superhero or not, that is something he devoted his life to the service of. It's the least he owes the kid and his family, he thinks, for not having known.]

If it wasn't the mine, it woulda been the next thing. What's important is that we all got out alive.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

... yeah I mean. Yeah. We are. I hate this though. I've never felt that in control of my life and now I'm even less in control...

...

I didn't even know everyone had gotten out. I wasn't sure.

That's good news, I guess.

[Voice]

[shiromadoushi]

Hey. You want some company? I can grab some stuff at the grocery store on the way over. We can try every energy drink. [[there's a touch of a smile in his voice there. Because even if he had no idea WTF she had said in those bits, there had been enough from context to figure it out.]]

And if it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else. Don't beat yourself up over it.

[Voice]

[reapsthewind]

... ugh fuck.

Drinking caffeine till I can't see straight sounds grand.

[text]

[skickpowered]

No one knew it would happen like this. You and me included. So it's not your fault.

And hey, in the end, we all got out, yes?

voice;

[reapsthewind]

yeah, I guess, I just... yeah.

[Audio]

[professorwolf]

[Lyall takes a few minutes to turn on his laptop mic and reply. It takes him that few minutes to one, get over the arms (how the hell had he missed that at the caves?) and two, to swallow the feelings an upset Chris gives him so he can actually speak.]

It wasn't your fault, Chris. You had no idea. We were all as fooled as you were, and-- and, hell, Chris, I brought kids down there. We could've found that man the same as you could, and then it'd be me up there apologizing.

[He runs a hand through his hair, looking awkward, stressed, and really kind of sorry, himself.]

Nobody's blaming you. I promise.

Are you-- did you wind up getting any sleep? You need somebody to talk to?

[Audio]

[reapsthewind]

I passed out for a long time when I got home but I woke up because I had nightmares of being trapped down there. And the bats. Only everything was made of metal and there was someone telling me that I'm a miserable failure.

I just want to be alone.

voice

[dorkytracksuit]

What do you need?

[He sounds hurried.]

Sorry, I couldn't understand it all.

voice

[reapsthewind]

Um, it doesn't exist.

I mean, or rather, I know what it is, but it's hard to explain and I have no idea how to make it.

Voice; private

[mightymegatron]

[He gives Chris a ring.]

Christ, what's happening to us?

phone, private

[reapsthewind]

[she's very quiet on the other end of the line for a long, long time.]

I don't know.

I don't know, and it scares me.

Did you get one of those... echoes, in the mine?

[espigeonage]

I'm starting to understand the voice thing. lol I could go to voice if you want, it's just possible I sound worse.

Anyway.

We didn't die. I don't think anyone did but that sage guy, and that was their fault. They collapsed the entrance and sicced a bunch of monsters on us and a guy even ended up trapped and *none of us died*.

They failed at killing us. I don't think there's anyone hurt who won't get better. Okay it was stupid to go in there like that, it was stupid how many of us just went lol let's go in, it was stupid not to count heads in and out so someone got left behind, but *we are all still alive*. All of us can learn from it and try to make it so it never happens again. If you get credit for leading us in there you get credit for us not all just getting killed too.

We're better than they thought. You're better than they thought. It's terrible we just went in but even going in like lambs we all made it. I get what you're saying, just please remember we did okay.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

no it's fine, I just can't type right now.

Anyway like... I know logically that it's true but I still feel responsible. And it was all awful, all of it...

[Video]

[thepiisatruth]

Where the factor do you get all the credit?

[Shawn's own voice doesn't sound so wonderful either even component of his own irritation at no single thing in regards to the mine removed - all the playing he's been doing with his megaphone after spending much of the mine brawl screaming at the top of his lungs into it.]

I sure as hell WANTED solutions.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

Because I was still the one whose idea it was in the first place, I was the one who first got the group together, and my group found the guy...

And I know it's irrational but brains are meat and meat doesn't think right and I'm an idiot basically.

[iaijutsu]

We chose to go with you. It may have been ill-advised, but it doesn't relieve us of culpability.

[reapsthewind]

I know, I know, but I haven't slept and I just...

It's how I feel.

voice

[testsonseashells]

[Mordin's voice is firm and calm.]

People going to "almost die" often, if anything heard so far accurate. Not your fault.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

It shouldn't be that way, damn it, we never asked for this.

... but I guess we're stuck with it, I need to. Breathe. I need to calm down. I know it's not my fault. But I feel like it was.

voice

[ursoreckless]

[he... doesn't react over the arms and the weird language. he just doesn't feel that's important.]

Don't blame yourself. Don't take on that burden because you didn't know. None of us knew what was going to happen down there. The people to blame are the ones that set the trap up. They knew we would be looking for some kind of answer and they were waiting for a large enough group in hopes to cut us out.

Instead of carrying the blame, get mad. Get mad at the group that thinks it's easy to wipe us out. Get mad at the fact that we're nothing more than a bunch of clueless slobs dragged into this mess and the enemy thinks that we can be scared off by a couple of cheap scares. Get mad because if you fall to despair, you're never going to find an answer.

video;

[reapsthewind]

[There's a looooong pause before she responds -- responding to other people first, but even when she gets to this one...]

[she very slowly clenches her fists. She can't quiiite seem to stop the tremor in them -- that's not anxiety, as it turns out! -- but...]

They're bastards and they tried to kill us. They're bastards and they tried to kill us.

[deep breath]

Maybe I should... start planning an offensive. I mean not like what that moron Casval did, but something smaller.

[Slight smirk]

I wonder if those cats might be up for a museum heist.

Video, smartphone

[wannabered]

[Oh hey, it's that guy from some of Chris' classes. He looks as surprised to see her as would be expected. Apparently he hadn't gotten a good look when in the mine.]

You didn't do anything wrong. We all came of our own accord and thought it was worth the risk. Yes, people almost died, but we made it out of there and that's what matters. No one died so the trap failed and we'll be smarter next time.

If anything it showed how well we all work together. We all made it out and those that didn't go in arrived to help us out when we got out. We have an enemy, we know they're afraid enough to try and take us out with traps like those, and we know we can make it out alive. So stop trying to take the blame. It's the enemy's fault, not yours.

video;

[reapsthewind]

[blink of surprise]

Christ, at this rate, literally everyone I know is going to be on this network.

[she rubs at her temples]

You have a point. We did better than the last time we ended up in a situation like this. We just need to figure out a way to go on the offensive, maybe. Not like Casval tried, of course, because we're no military, but...

They tried to hurt us, and...

[She looks at her hands]

They made a mistake, there.

voice;

[hollowleg]

Chris, you better listen to me.

It's not your fault. Ok? You're a robot lady, apparently, not a psychic. No one could have predicted what would happen. ... Well, not yet, anyway. [he gives a shaky laugh, trying to lighten the mood] But until we have someone with the ability to see the future, we have to take things as they come.

And don't forget, you saved my ass. Healing only works if the thing causing the damage goes away, and without you and that cop pulling those bastards off of me... alright? So... stop beating yourself up!

voice;

[reapsthewind]

Maybe I didn't want to be a robot lady yet!

[pauuuuuuse]

Maybe, like, yes, it's cool, and fuck, if this were a different situation I'd be like hell yeah, robot arms, but I didn't want to get dragged into some goddamn intergalactic war! I'm a scientist, not a soldier, god fucking damn it!

... and I know, I know, I didn't ... actually do anything wrong but fuck my life it feels like it, and everything hurts and I can't think right anymore.

[video]

[elfstoned]

The lesson in caution was something we all needed, I feel. I am not blameless in this matter -- I was so hungry for answers. It made me reckless. But luck was with us: no permanent harm was done.

Do you know, I begin to wonder if there is a higher power that wants to see us succeed. This is not the first time we've taken a stupid risk, and it's the second time everyone involved has come out alive. Perhaps there was something to what the phony Sage was saying -- maybe there is a being, a god or something else, of the Earth?

[video]

[reapsthewind]

[Chris actually gets kind of mad]

If there IS a god, it's a sadistic bastard. Why us? And don't give me that "in his plan" bullshit; grabbing a bunch of university students and high school teachers and mutating them into whatever and expecting them to fight a war is a terrible plan.

[video]

[caosgo]

[there's a slightly awkward pause, because his phone got broken in the scuffle and he hasn't gotten a new one yet, so it takes him a minute to figure out how to make his computer do the video thing.]

[he doesn't look quite as tired, but he's wearing a t-shirt and his hair is rumpled and there's a gauze pad taped to his left forearm.]

We, uh--haven't been formally introduced, but--I just wanted to say. People would have gone in there regardless. If there were only a few, they would've been overwhelmed. Our numbers and willingness to work together is what got us out of this. You don't have anything to be ashamed of.

[he is staring at the arms a little, but trying not to...]

If you need anything, I--uh...well, I can do errands and pick up groceries during the week. I need a new cell, but you can leave messages on my home phone or...contact me this way. [he types the numbers for her.]

[video]

[reapsthewind]

... hi, new person. I'm Chris. I'm a PHD student and I have emotional issues and crippling self esteem problems stemming from a deep desire to be important and lead people and also a fear of failure.

Also, I am slowly turning into a robot.

[she shifts uncomfortably]

But if you could pick me up groceries actually, that'd, um. Help. a lot. Thank god it's summer and I don't have to explain why I can't go to class for a while.

[Video, webcam]

[talktothedoll]

There is nothing you need to be sorry for.

[A phone number appears via text.]

If you need to discuss anything privately, there's my number. Or we could work out some sort of meeting.

[Because he is pretty sure suddenly speaking bits of another language and suddenly turning into a robot is the sort of thing people might want therapy for.]

[Video, webcam]

[reapsthewind]

... yeah I.

Might need to make an appointment. Probably a good idea.

[webcam video]

[moarnomsplz]

Dude. [Yeah, he calls everyone 'dude.'] What everyone else said. Seriously, lee. You didn't make, may-kuh, anyone go, and literally no one else thought it might be a tra, trap. Which it wasn't your job to think of.

You doing okay, oh-kay, with the arms? I, um. I'm one of the other people who get to have body, dee, parts suddenly freaking out, lucky me, so.

[webcam video]

[reapsthewind]

I'm... they hurt, like... you know that muscle ache you get when you have a fever? They feel like that. They don't have enough power.

What'd you get?

[Text]

[formermagicalgirl]

I'll just say that no matter how upset I am about everything that happened in the mine, I didn't even think to blame you. Or to blame the person who advised us of the man who was found. If you hadn't told us, then it just would have been someone else.

I only blame myself for being curious and whoever set the trap. I have a feeling the trap wasn't just for us, I think it was for the Sage as well.

voice;

[reapsthewind]

[Talking to other folks has calmed her down a bit, and thinking about next moves is helping, so!]

... you think so? I hadn't thought of it that way, I thought he might have been PART of the trap. The stuff he said sounded too pat, too much like the script of a 90s RPG game, or a Saturday morning kid's show, y'know?

But maybe you're right.

In any case, I don't think people should go back there -- I've got some remote control robots I can lend people that might be a better bet.

[ Text ]

[notquiteanobody]

...

I don't know where to start.

[ On his end, Ciel's scratching his head a little. It's hard to say what, but there just something about seeing whoever this is in such a mess over events he's still trying to piece together that really makes him feel bad for the stranger. ]

I guess let's begin with knocking off the part where you beat yourself up.

I still just barely have an idea of what happened down there. But from what I could figure out, no one could've seen that something like that 'd be waiting for us at the bottom of that rabbit hole.

Go get some rest. When you wake up, I wanna try to get a better idea of what the hell happened down there. But uh, you seem kinda worked up right now.

[ text ] 1 of 2

[fatherssins]

What happened wasn't your fault.

[ text ] 2 of 2

[fatherssins]

Are you alright?