Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

[dead_black_eyes]

[The man appearing onscreen this morning is haggard, somber, and distracted. Clearly, he's been awake all night, something he's been doing far too often lately, sitting curled in the middle of what appears to be a cleaned up but ancient school gymnasium's basketball court with his chin on his knees. A few feet away is a blue tarp hiding something sizable and lumpy.]

I know Albero's people are striking Espresso Yourself, early on the morning of Sunday, November 23, at 3:15 AM. They will be there to raze the building to the ground and they do not intend to take prisoners.

[He bites his lip, glancing away from the camera. The calmness he's affected since Anthony's death slips for a second, revealing something like fear. He swallows.]

I've been waiting for a pulse. I was hoping that maybe my other's experience and knowledge could help me, in this regard, but up to this point... it's been all quiet on that front.

[He rises slowly, moving towards the tarp and drawing it away from what it conceals. There are many pounds of dynamite stacked in the middle of his gym, along with several ominous looking canisters.]

I have dynamite and nitroglycerin. I think...

[He takes a deep, shuddering breath.]

I know we can kill a lot of them. Part of me really wants to, and I can't be the only one. But I know... I know that's not what we're fighting for, a criminal record of our own and another reason to be driven out of this city. So...

[He sits again, hard, on the floor, eyes and posture conveying a distinctly dazed quality.]

I think maybe it would be better to use this information to get the FBI on this and catch them in the act, with no blood shed. I'm prepared for both of these scenarios, but honestly... I don't know what's right. I'm so tired. I trust all of you, so... please help me make the right decision.

EDIT: I've been informed that Nick knows about another upcoming opportunity, a chance to hit the Mafia where it hurts. There's to be a meeting of higher-ups in the near future; further details are forthcoming.

Comments

[charcoalfeather]

I know, but... I just hope that this works. We can't keep fighting forever.

[dead_black_eyes]

[He's quiet for a long moment.]

Rakka, if a person stops fighting... I mean, there's a word for that. Every day you keep living and don't give up is a day you're fighting. I know you don't mean it that way... but please understand that right now there isn't enough of a difference to matter.

[charcoalfeather]

[Surprise flashed across Rakka's face. It was never her intention to bring up... that again. But, it was out there now, and she wasn't sure how to react to it.]

I-I never meant....

[She couldn't draw up the words to say to that. L had completely frozen her.]

It's hard, but, I mean.... don't... say things like that.

[dead_black_eyes]

[Only their shared knowledge really makes it about that, as L would say the same thing in response to anyone else. Still, her distress is apparent, and he does regret causing it... but he doesn't regret his words.]

I'm fighting forever if I need to, until I can't. That's all I meant to say, Rakka.

[charcoalfeather]

....

[A short moment of silence followed. Rakka could almost feel the regret in both of them for past things.]

...Okay. [she nods slowly, her tone quieter than previously.] Do you need... any help with anything?

[dead_black_eyes]

[L will always regret what he tried to do. The surgeons and Octavia had healed the tendons and given him back his strength and dexterity, but the scars remain, telling a story of a man who had cut deep and desperately. Maybe it's better that they're still there, because to forget his mistakes would potentially be to repeat them.]

I don't know. Maybe. I work to take my mind off the things I can't change. It does help, so if you're looking for something similar...

[He leaves that open-ended, and ultimately up to Rakka.]

[charcoalfeather]

[Forgetting may have been worse. Rakka wasn't sure what it would be like if she did. Would she really be doomed to repeat her mistakes? She hoped not.]

But, if you can't change anything...

[She shook her head. This path was not one she wanted to go down right now.]

I'll think about that, L.

[dead_black_eyes]

No, not "anything." Everything, maybe. But thankfully it's been awhile since I could not change anything.