Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

[The man appearing onscreen this morning is haggard, somber, and distracted. Clearly, he's been awake all night, something he's been doing far too often lately, sitting curled in the middle of what appears to be a cleaned up but ancient school gymnasium's basketball court with his chin on his knees. A few feet away is a blue tarp hiding something sizable and lumpy.]

I know Albero's people are striking Espresso Yourself, early on the morning of Sunday, November 23, at 3:15 AM. They will be there to raze the building to the ground and they do not intend to take prisoners.

[He bites his lip, glancing away from the camera. The calmness he's affected since Anthony's death slips for a second, revealing something like fear. He swallows.]

I've been waiting for a pulse. I was hoping that maybe my other's experience and knowledge could help me, in this regard, but up to this point... it's been all quiet on that front.

[He rises slowly, moving towards the tarp and drawing it away from what it conceals. There are many pounds of dynamite stacked in the middle of his gym, along with several ominous looking canisters.]

I have dynamite and nitroglycerin. I think...

[He takes a deep, shuddering breath.]

I know we can kill a lot of them. Part of me really wants to, and I can't be the only one. But I know... I know that's not what we're fighting for, a criminal record of our own and another reason to be driven out of this city. So...

[He sits again, hard, on the floor, eyes and posture conveying a distinctly dazed quality.]

I think maybe it would be better to use this information to get the FBI on this and catch them in the act, with no blood shed. I'm prepared for both of these scenarios, but honestly... I don't know what's right. I'm so tired. I trust all of you, so... please help me make the right decision.

EDIT: I've been informed that Nick knows about another upcoming opportunity, a chance to hit the Mafia where it hurts. There's to be a meeting of higher-ups in the near future; further details are forthcoming.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Storytime? Judging by the way he immediately folds up on himself, sliding to the floor where he sits cross-legged and waiting, he's all for storytime.]

What have you remembered, Torin?

Just bits and pieces, for the most part. But I think...

[How does he want to put this?]

I think that at some point, my other self had a choice to make. I remembered two names, a long time ago. I...liked one. Disliked the other. It's why I've only told people I am--was--the Pargon Supreme Torin.

[He definitely wants to hear more about that choice if Torin is willing to talk about it, because it's very relevant to his particular situation at this time.]

What was the name you disliked?

[Surely just speaking it isn't enough to bring every negative reason Torin hasn't opted to use it into play.]

They called me a Demon Sword Priest.

[The words roll out of Torin's mouth with distaste.]

I'm...not exactly certain as to what that entailed, but the feeling the title gives me...it's not good. And it doesn't sound good.

[L isn't sure if there are particularly negative inherent associations in that title. But he hasn't lived Torin's life, present or past, and is aware that everyone carries different ideals in that regard.]

Because of the demonic associations? I guess that, regardless... One thing that is impossible to argue logically is feelings. If your emotions are telling you it wasn't good, chances are you're right.

Well, there's more to it than that...what I was before, originally, his species came to drive the native species of the planet to extinction. I believe that was my...title with them.

[He pauses.]

My other self chose not to follow that path. To do something that would not result in the destruction of millions.

[L can get behind someone who denied the opportunity to commit widespread genocide. What matters is that Torin chose it, lived according to a set of moral values... but they had to come from somewhere, didn't they? That's what confuses him, what he seems to lack, that sense for right and wrong that seems so clear to so many others.]

Torin, what made you... How did he come to reach such a realization? I imagine something must have changed. An experience, a new piece of information... these kinds of changes are not spontaneous.

He saw the life here. The beauty of it all. And I believe he thought that much more valuable than any sort of orders.

Some days I see it too. Enough to understand, I think.

[He wraps his arms around his knees, holding tightly as if keeping himself together.]

But there's no beauty in Albero's organization. I've been there, I've seen it, I saw what they did to Tony, and Robyn and Rakka and so many others. It can't stand.

No. There isn't. But a slaughter in this fashion would send a message--the wrong sort of message. That the others are right to fear us, that we are no better than conquerers who might wish to spread extinction.

They need to be stopped, but not like this.

There is a way to do it, though. One that's effective, without being a... slaughter. Right? I guess focusing on finding that is the next thing to do.

[He rubs at one of his dark eyes with the heel of his hand. He is so tired.]

Arrests would be better, especially if those arrests can be linked to Albero.

[Torin nods his agreement.]

Arrests will go a long way in undermining the organization's credibility in the eyes of the public.

[He swallows. He's scared, and beyond exhausted, but he has a sense of clarity he hasn't felt in days. Torin has this effect on him very often. ]

Softer things usually break more easily. It's sound logic.

[Torin nods encouragingly.]

That's right.

I've worked so hard to not be soft. Maybe the person I wanted to be wouldn't have hesitated to kill people the world would be better off without, although I think it was important to him that criminals got fair trials. But I'm not sure. And I'm not sure what's important to me, aside from not being the kind of person Albero thinks he can break.

People break in different ways...

[Torin strokes his mustache.]

Would you want to break and become him? Something as bad as he is?

As bad as Albero? No, never...

[He doesn't hesitate to say as much, but something else weighs on him. He probably wouldn't say it, if it wasn't Torin.]

...but I worry that becoming as bad as my Other may be inevitable. Or as good, if he was good.

[Torin is glad, at least, that "As bad as Albero" involves no hesitation.]

Only time will tell--but keep in mind that you're still you. Not him. Not entirely. That will help you find your way, if it ever seems difficult.

[L responds with broken laughter.]

The person I was before all of this started was so lost. Definitely unreliable. I don't know if he could help anyone find their way.

And yet you've grown. How much of that was you, and how much of it was him? I'd say it was a little of both.

I don't know; it's hard to say. I've seen so much death, and that... that does change people. It would have changed me if I'd never gotten an echo.

I want the best of him, which is his strength. I think he was an incredibly resilient person. But I don't want what made him vicious.

Then keep an eye on it. Watch it. If you are prepared, then it will not be able to take you off-guard.

Thank you for making me feel like I can control my life.

[He pauses, plucking at his sleeve.]

If there's a hell... I see myself there. Vicious and lonely because everyone I would protect has died on my watch. Please help me protect them, Torin.

[He'll reach out and place a hand on L's shoulder.]

I will. I'll protect them--and you, as well.

[He stiffens at the touch, looks up at Torin with glistening eyes, and then hastily draws his sleeve over them, inhaling wetly through his nose and muttering something about the gym being particularly dusty.

When he's no longer being overcome by the "dust," he pulls himself to his feet, embracing Torin.]

I'm going to start getting rid of these. I never want to see them again.

Entry #B-1: "B" [November 19, Video]

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