savetheearth

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So here's something I just found out that I think you all have the right to know but that I would greatly appreciate not getting leaked to the press or anything like that.

How to put this delicately...

I am literally Satan, the King of all Demons. Presumably the lord of Hell and adversary of Heaven too.

For what it's worth don't feel any desire to damn anyone's souls?

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I think there's some girl around who says she's ninja ghost jesus or something? I've never paid her that much attention.

So long as you don't get into a fight with her, I think you're okay.

I don't think Jesus actually physically fought Satan, but I take your point.

I am going to publish a version of the bible where they get into a fist fight now.

Thank you for this glorious idea. I will credit it to Satan, King of All Demons.

Hail me. Throw up some horns.

How are you going to handle your worshippers?

Hadn't even thought about that.

Probably just do my best to pretend they don't exist.

Think of all the free stuff you could get though.

Edited 2014-04-10 04:00 (UTC)

But then I'd have to deal with getting fawned over by goths. I hate clove cigarettes.

Propose a ban on them for all of your followers. Spread the gospel of Satan. Stop the from doing stupid things.

I hadn't thought about it like that. I could change the world for the better!

Go with honor. Create a bright future for us all.

I will drag humanity into a new age where people actually take showers and wear colors other than black!

[He went on to do no such thing.]

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Wow.

Was that you?

Was in ninja ghost jesus or monkey fairy jesus?

Immortal mind-controlling pir8 fairy alien Jesus.
8ut grats on ~*not paying attention*~ (lol) to one of the most important and prominent and powerful people on the network I guess????????

It's a big network, and if I thought I could get away with it, I'd probably ignore it all. Nothing personal.

I was in a soap opera.
And on the news.
And I have an unofficial fanclu8 now that send me du8ious fanmail a8out their fairy fetishes.

Oh! You're the terrorist! Right I do remember that, I just hadn't made the connection.

ALLEGED terrorist!
The terrorism charges got DROPPED. 8ecause they were false and fraudulent and fakey-fake and not real! G8D!!!!!!!!

Sure, right. Dropped. Got it.
So if you're Jesus, do we have to fight? I'd rather not to be honest, it sounds stressful.

Not unless you start 8eing all villainous and shit, 8ro.
As is you seem more dopey than outright o8jectiona8le! And definitely not villainous.
8ut I guess if that changes we WILL have to fight. So just keep the evil in check and I guess we will 8e ok? ::::|a
Consider it like an official Jesus-Satan truce or something. Like a shitty forgiveness jam8oree.

I will do my best to keep any world conquering urges in check.

Remem8er! If in dou8t, ask yourself: What Would Tavia Do?

[He has NO IDEA what Tavia would do in most circumstances, so he settles for]

Sounds great.

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