savetheearth | [Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

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[Mission 1 - Written neatly in the dirt. No, really.]

Well isn't this a surprise? You know, taking hallucinogens wasn't on my to-do list for the near future, but I guess everyone makes mistakes every now and then. I've learned a valuable lesson today: when someone hands you some funky hippy water full of leaves that they insist is good for you, don't drink it. So, since I'm suddenly the Dirt Whisperer, how about you regale me with your earthy wisdom while I sit in the park and enjoy the trip? Let's kill some time before this wears off and I end up with the nastiest hangover I've ever had. Here, I'll start with some easy questions: Why is the sky blue? What's the meaning of life? What language does Mister Mumbles speak when he yells at people walking by? And most importantly, what the hell is going on?

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He WISHES he was a fairy! Dear sweet Eri up there is a go8lin. A stenchgo8lin. I advise that you a8solutely avoid ever standing downwind of him at any cost.
Just a friendly tip there! Free of charge.

As for the network shit: no8ody signs up. It's like........ Destiny! F8te.
No amount of lawyering up will 8r8k you out of the we8 you have 8ecome entangled in, new8ie.
8ut the gr8 thing is that now you get to join forces with every8ody against the corrupt cops and the monsters and the aliens!!!!!!!!
You can 8e a hero instead of whatever unfortun8 schlu8 you have 8een up until now. It is pretty awesome. ::::)

I'll be sure to keep that in mind should I ever have the misfortune of meeting a w goblin. Thanks, I appreciate it. Not like I could pay you anyway. Fate. Right. Well, fate can stuff it, I'm a busy guy, I don't have time for aliens or government conspiracies or sleeper cells or whatever. Leave the heroics to someone else.

[LITTLE DOES HE KNOW.]

What's this 'echo' stuff?

Don't 8e so quick to disregard the hero shit!
You either 8ecome a hero or 8ecome dead. Or arrested! Which leads to 8ecoming dead unless you are as gr8 at escaping from jail as I am.
As for echoes! When you got your num8er, something should have happened to you. Like a weird 8reathless heart-thumpy thing!
And then you get a memory or a cool power or an item or a new physical change or something I guess.
THAT is an echo! And you are pro8a8ly going to get FUCKTONS more. I lost count of mine MONTHS ago.

That sounds like it might be a good story. Just how did you pull that one off? ...Huh. Funny you put it like that, yeah. So how do you go about getting more? Assuming you want them.

[ OH SHIT OCTAVIA JUST GOT LICENSE TO TL;DR EVERYBODY RUN ]

It was a GR8 story! And it will 8e made into a movie one day even if I have to fund it myself.
8ut ok! So. Me and my 8oyfriend Alan got super sick of those Thunder Corp assholes and their mysterious 8ullshit. So we 8roke into that 8ig 8uilding downtown? Tuning Towers? 8ecause Thunder have something hidden down there.
And we managed to get inside 8y causing a distraction and working my mind control powers, 8ut then we kind of got arrested. And interrog8ted. And threatened. And detained without lawyers or phone calls or any contact with any8ody for THREE DAYS.
Then I used my mind powers to take control of my 8uddy Karson's 8ody and made him post an SOS to the network! And together we formul8ted a plan to get me and Alan out.
A 8unch of people kept the cops occupied with other stuff, and my friends Danny and Roxy and Walter all turned intangi8le and phased us out of jail!
Then we drove away and have 8een in hiding ever since. You might have seen us on the news! Tavia Serket and Alan Hunter????????

And getting more echoes kinda depends on what your first one was.
Sometimes hearing a8out something past-life-familiar sparks shit off! Or meeting some8ody you once knew.
Getting involved in dangerous shit usually produced some pretty gr8 results, too. So what was your first echo? I might know some8ody who can hook you up with familiar situ8tions or something. 8ecause I am kind of a 8ig deal around here!

[Oh geeze. He waits until he gets back to Dirk's place to look back in and read this over, so the response takes a little while.]

Well that sure is one hell of a story. Little sketchy if you ask me, what with the mind control powers and the ghostly passing through walls act. Although... I do think I read your names in the newspaper? Holy shit, that was you guys? I'm talking to wanted felons through dirt texting. Could today get any weirder? ...That's a little personal you know.

There 8n't nothing sketchy a8out it! Sometimes echoes give people legit superpowers.
Mine is mind control! And also flying and 8eing immortal and shooting lasers out of my eye that don't actually do anything.
8ut yeah! You are speaking to a legit wanted criminal right now. Pretty neat, right????????

And wow, ok. I 8n't going to pry!
Much.
8ut if you remem8er gray horned people or canni8al giants I know people that can give you the deets!

Talking to a legit criminal with ineffective eye lasers is something I never knew I wanted in my life until right now. [He's only partly kidding as even if this is a hallucination it is highly entertaining.] That's one hell of a bucket list of powers, though, don't they have a cap on that sort of thing? I thought there was a rule book.

Well... they weren't grey but they did have horns, I wouldn't really call them people though. No cannibal giants either. You know all of this just sounds increasingly insane, right?

I have to admit. My powers are kind of the 8est! And it is super unfair to every8ody else. I am just sitting here with all these amazing gifts and then you have chumps like dear sweet Eri! Who got NOTHING. ::::)

And yeah. Of COURSE it sounds nuts!
8ut it is totally true. When you are done thinking you are hallucin8ting I can show you my fairy wings or something! That usually gets people to 8elieve shit.

Gotta say, I'm a little envious. But with powers like yours surely you don't need the help of normal nobodies like myself, yeah? I think I can leave the work to you, no problem. I don't know, fairy wings will probably just make me think I'm hallucinating again. Don't worry though, I think I'm over it. Mostly.

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i aint no fuckin stench goblin
i smell just fuckin FINE thanks
but you aint no fairy more like a fly really
youre about as annoyin as one

Stop denying our whimsically supernatural n8tures, Eeeeeeeeri!
Or should I say EriDAN? ::::)
Guess who remem8ers past you now? And the ridiculous-looking creature that you used to 8e.
And WILL 8e, I guess! Oh man.
Would you like deets? I have deets!

Man, can I have the deets if he doesn't want 'em?

8EHOLD.
Wasn't he gloooooooorious? >::::Dc

Well would you look at that? That sure is a goblin if I've ever seen one.

Damn right!
And it helpfully proves that this 8n't a hallucin8tion.
8ecause seriously! Could you make that monstrosity up? Even su8consciously? >:::;)

You'd be surprised, I've got a pretty wild imagination. Don't think I'd have given him that much purple though.

He looks like a demonic hipster Harry Potter palette swap.
Original character, do not steal!!!!!!!!

Oh my god. He does. Do you think he was sorted into house Fruit Loop?

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eridan
wwell alright
but no i dont wwant to knoww anything because youre just gonna exaggerate it to try and make me sound hideous and it probably wwont evven be REMOTELY correct so i rather not wwaste my time

My finger slipped.
And the convers8tion I remem8er clearly indicates VRISKA dumped ERIDAN, just fyi!
In case you still dou8ted who was and IS the superior catch around here. ::::)

[Oh shit. Yep, according to that echo, that is pretty much what he looked like. GOD WHAT IS HE GOING TO BECOME?!?!!! Time to focus on the part that doesn't involve him turning into some grey fish monster, YEP!]

ok youre full of shit youre clearly twwistin wwhat you remember to make yourself seem better than me
LIKE IM GONNA JUST BELIEVVE YOU LIKE SOME CHUMP
please oct evven you should knoww i aint so bloody gullible

"god damn it vvris wwhys it still got to 8e so flippin awwkwward like this come on
wwe used to havve a good thing goin remem8er our campaigns
that shit wwas epic wwhere are you evven goin to find a rivvalry like that"

MAN.
That a8solutely sounds like some8ody grovelling and whining and 8egging for a second chance, huh?
8ut o8viously I am just making this up to fuck with you. I am all a8out the fucking! 8eing a whore and all. ::::)

[WOW AND NOW HE REMEMBERS THAT EMBARRASSING EXCHANGE. TIME TO FUCKING TWIST IT.]

sounds more like past me wwas sheddin some pity on her and givvin HER another chance
but i GUESS i can see wwhere youre butcherin it for your favvor
leavve it to a bitch like you to twwist a guys generosity into somethin that wwould stroke your fat ego

Oh, riiiiiiiight. Of course! How could I have 8een so 8lind. You must 8e right! Silly little me.

Except w8! Vriska shot Eridan down right after that. Pretty 8rutally! Do you conveniently not remem8er that part, or were you just hoping I didn't?
Adora8le. And futile! And pretty lame. ::::D

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