text/audio;

[drama8om8]

[ The post opens with a handy little form letter custom-designed by Octavia for people to fill out. Enjoy. ]

Dear Tavia / Alan / Tavia and Alan / President O8ama,

I, (YOUR NAME HERE), am pissed at / super pissed at / really super pissed at / shockingly attracted to you right now. What were you thinking / are you wearing, cutie(s). What you did was irresponsible / reckless / dangerous / actually pretty cool / worse than str8-up murdering a flock of 8a8ies and I can't 8elieve you would 8e so stupid / you didn't invite me / you are not dead / it's not 8utter. Wow, am I ever 8uttmad / asschafed / cheekstung / rearniggled right now. Damn.

To conclude, you are dum8 / 8rave / lucky to 8e alive / actually already punished enough for this / going to get punched in the face / a 8itch / in possession of a really gr8 8utt.

We are / are not friends any more. I hope you die / don't die,

love / no love from YOUR NAME HERE.

[ That done with, she switches to audio. ]

Just thought I'd cut down on the lecture time for everybody. Because while I am sure all of you are oh-so-fucking ready to sate your massive told-you-so boners, I actually have stuff to say! Like "thanks for being super cool badasses and saving us, rescue teams." And "wow those photos being shown on the news are unflattering as fuck." And "please remember we just spent days in solitary confinement thinking we were going to have our brains scooped out." Which means yes! Alan and I are entirely aware of how quote-dumb-unquote my plan was and all the implications of it and blah blah blah don't waste your fucking time fussing at us.

I also want to point out that like. Somebody would have got caught at some point anyway, right? Like this whole deal was only ever going to last so long. And if it had to be somebody it was good that the captives were us! People who didn't fucking talk even a little, no matter what they threatened us with. People who were brave and cool at all times! People who could contact the outside without writing a number in blood or snot or whatever and blowing this whole shitfest operation. You are welcome.

[ There's a half-uttered syllable, then a soft mmgh as she apparently rethinks what she was going to say. Then, in a falsely lighthearted tone: ]

And, uh. Since like. My face is out there anyway I don't really have shit to lose as far as that is concerned! So what if we had me record a message saying that we ain't terrorists. Maybe explain our deal a little or something? And then put it on Youtube or send it to the press or whatever. Like, if there is a way to do that safely and securely and not get caught. And if people think that's a good idea and not me being fucktarded, haha! And stuff.

Comments

text

[mood2wiingiing]

youre a complete iidiot ii hope you know that

[drama8om8]

And here I was a8out to offer to officially stop calling you "piss8a8y" if it seriously genuinely did 8ug you! Would THAT 8e idiotic? I just don't know any more! 8r8 re-evalu8ting all of my life choices. :::;)

voice;

[hollowleg]

[are you kidding him right now. But he doesn't sound angry. Just exasperated]

... At the risk of sounding like a goddamned preschool teacher, did you actually learn anything from this? Or are you just going to play it off like a game.

But whatever you do, do not "explain our deal" or whatever. Well intentioned or not, you'll just mess things up. More.

voice;

[drama8om8]

I learned that if I do this again, I have all the guards throw themselves off the top of the tower while I'm controlling them instead of leaving them alive so they can come down and bust us. Duh.

And fine. One vote for no press release! Check out me being all democracy...ing. And junk.

[wonk]

not seeing an apology for ur horrible singing rectify this @ once

[drama8om8]

My singing was gr8 and lured you weenies to me and therefore did its jo8! I am like a siren.
May8e I WAS a siren! Siren pir8 fairy Jesus. Not 8ad.

[handwritten]

[wastingtime]

Did they hurt you?

text;

[drama8om8]

Pshhhhhhhh, nah.
Not even a little! I mean we had 8arely any food or sleep or human contact that wasn't super threatening and shit. 8ut no hurting!
Not that it'd have mattered anyway 8ecause I STILL wouldn't have talked. 8adass.

[Text]

[doomedtheworld]

Just stop doing anything.

text;

[drama8om8]

*Octavia immedi8tely stops doing anything, including 8reathing*
*And then dies*

*Octavia's spirit rises from her corporeal 8ody to raise 8oth middle fingers at you in a dou8le deuce*

[Audio]

[hungryhunter]

...Well, I guess I don't have to ask you if you're okay.

audio;

[drama8om8]

Pfft! Like I could ever not be okay. Try and imagine a situation in which I could potentially be un-okay in any possible form! You will fail.

[ladyofluminosity]

I've heard stories of people just disappearing and never coming back. I know we haven't met, but I'm glad you two are okay.

[The last thing they needed was to lose more of their own. She hadn't experienced this herself, but after talking to Julien...

Although that last thing piqued her interest.]

A public declaration? Hmm. I don't know if that's a good idea, but... it's interesting. Very interesting.

[drama8om8]

You're damn right it's interesting, person-who-didn't-introduce-themselves-yet. I figure people know we exist and think we are bad guys! So it aaaaaaaabsolutely cannot get any worse. So maybe if we speak up and tell them what we really are then some of them will be on our side! And I am a safe way to do that.

Safe-ish.

Half-safe.

Kinda.

voice;

[schild]

I'm glad you're okay. Both of you.

[ Unlike Bertl, Ryan spends less time scolding and more time dad-ing. This is why they're together. ]

voice;

[drama8om8]

Heeeeeeeey, Bara Dad! Haha. Of course we're okay! I'm Jesus and Alan's a you-know-what. What could the bad guys even do.

[audio]

[gogoghostpowers]

Oh man, I'm just glad you guys are alright. [a shaky sigh--he might not have been held captive for days, but just the breakout alone was intense enough for him.] Even if they are plastering your photos all over the place to try and find you now.

...uh, please don't put out a message, though. They still don't know that much about us, I don't think, so, uh. I don't think it's a good idea to give them more.

[audio]

[drama8om8]

One more vote for the weenie course of action! Haha. But I dunno, bro. The detective guy knew there was a whole group of us. And that some of us ain't human! So. Yeah.

Audio

[glorifiedtrash]

Somehow I don't see anyone believing "our deal". Even when framed by your lovely voice ♥.

So did you find out anything useful while you were there?

Audio

[drama8om8]

Akfprglk. I mean. Uh. I could show my wings! Those are pretty fucking hard to fake. And then everybody would believe our deal, except a hardcore subset of assholes on like 4chan or something who would be too busy calling photoshop.

And uh. We didn't. Find out much at all. Like we saw that Thunder Corp are building something under the tower! But I guess the exploration guys probably saw that too. Iunno.

handwritten;

[waltharius]

I'm sure that what you two went through was enough of a wake-up call. And yes, everyone else is going to tell you what a terrible idea that was, so you won't be getting any more scolding from me.

Just please listen to reason in the future, okay?

text;

[drama8om8]

Weeeeeeeeniiiiiiiieeeeeeee! XXXXO
You realise you 8asically just scolded me without scolding, right? Like that is legitim8tely a thing you just did?

text;

[wirsinddiejager]

Dear Tavia

I, Alan, am shockingly attracted to you right now. What are you wearing, cutie. What you did was irresponsible / reckless / dangerous / actually pretty cool / worse than str8-up murdering a flock of 8a8ies and I can't 8elieve you would 8e so stupid / you didn't invite me / you are not dead / it's not 8utter. Wow, am I ever 8uttmad / asschafed / cheekstung / rearniggled right now. Damn.

To conclude, you are in possession of a really gr8 8utt.

We are friends any more. I hope you don't die,

love, Alan.

text;

[drama8om8]

8h m8 f8ck8ng g8d 8re y8u f8r re8l y8u d8rk <33333333

audio;

[somesayinfire]

No lectures from me. I'm just... really glad you're safe, Tavia. Alan, too. I'm not even mad at you.

If you two need a place to stay while you're technically fugitives, I can't offer a permanent place, but my door's open for a couple days at a time.

audio;

[drama8om8]

All the thanks, haha! We'll. Probably show up at some point when Gavin gets sick of us hogging all his blankets. That's probably going to be a thing.

[Video]

[scramasax]

[He is not actually in the frame - only the ceiling is.]

Er -- ...where are you - by the way? I'm -- I'm just - curious. -- You and Alan... [He'd imagine if their faces are indeed out there they could not just go home...]

[Video]

[drama8om8]

You know Gavin? We're at his place! We made a blanket fort. It's pretty sweet, haha.

audio;

[hawaiianheir]

If we ever have to plan a jailbreak for you dumb jerks ever again, I'm going to follow it up by suing you for emotional distress.

[HE CARES, REALLY.]

Regardless, glad to see everyone got out... mostly without harm.

[HE MAY HAVE SPENT THE LAST COUPLE DAYS IN A POST-"HOLY SHIT WE REALLY ACTUALLY DID THAT" STRESS COOLDOWN.]

You and Alan are gonna be alright, right?

audio;

[drama8om8]

I don't have no money to be sued for until I can get home, Mackalackin. I knew I should've left Karson more than a thousand bucks. Ugh! So mad.

But yeah! We're hells of fine. You get actual peaches that're less peachy than us! Yeah.

[handwritten. obviously.]

[pianistofraielin]

text;

[drama8om8]

Oh my god you huge fucking dork.

Me and Alan kind of may8e 8roke into Tuning Towers a little???????? Like we flew up there and trashed shit, and then the guards came running so we flew 8ack down to the 8ottom and looked at what they were guarding 8ut 8efore we could get a good look they were all like "FREEZE" and we were like "OH SHIT!" and there were too many to mind control or fight off so we got arrested and this one guy interrog8ted us and he was all like "do as I say or you will end up like Miss Rodriguez" (she died or got her 8rain scooped out idk) and we were like NO WAY ARE WE TALKING WOW. So then we got rescued and it was cool 8ut then the news was all like "8tw TERRORISTS!" and I was like "FUCK" 8ut THEN I was all "at least I 8n't got to go to school no more" and the end. ::::)

[ursoreckless]

We don't make public appearances. That makes it easier for the cops find you and makes it easier for the press to tear you apart because 'they are clearly brainwashed by the leaders' kind of posts. Haven't you watch any true crime stories?

But... glad that you got out of there okay.

[drama8om8]

What if it was a safe video, though! Like if we got hackers to do proxies or whatever they call it, and I filmed it in a featureless room. Or something. And they can't call me brainwashed or deluded if my wings are showing in the video, right? It proves I am legit!

And haha. Thanks. For helping and also for being glad! And shit.

voice

[tenaciousc]

[Sheesh. This kid thinks kind of highly of herself, doesn't she?]

How about we don't draw more attention to ourselves right now. What would you even say?

voice

[drama8om8]

I'd say like...

[ AHEM: ]

"Sup, Locke City! It is me. Octavia! You may recognise me from my appearance in the hit TV soap opera Days of our Goodbyes. Or my recent starring role on the news! Wow.

Just eff why eye, the police are talking shit! Me and my friends ain't terrorists. We are being attacked by Thunder Corp and. Stuff. Like all that shit with the water and the other weirdness? Then trying to get us. Because they want our cool powers or something. Check it out."

And then I would show my wings! And my weird eye. And I would be so charming and sweet and innocent and unterroristy that everybody would believe me!

audio;

[stagnantair]

[Gavin is out shopping, because having two hungry teenagers in his apartment mean his supply of snack food and frozen pizza are running dangerously low.]

I don't know if a public service announcement would be a good idea this soon, Tavia. I'm all for pulling a Jester, but you should wait a few weeks, until the general public doesn't care anymore and the only ones listening in are Thunder Corp and those conspiracy theorists online.

I'm sure we have the talent on the Network to run a proxy to scramble where the video signal is coming from though, especially if we taped it from some undisclosed place in the middle of nowhere.

Either way, what do you want for dinner?

[Have you noticed how tl;dr this guy gets yet.]

audio;

[drama8om8]

Well, uh, yeah. I wouldn't do it now! I mean I still need to get back my usual healthy attractive glow and shit as opposed to the half-starved rumpled ragamuffin chic thing I have doing on right now. Go on camera? Like this? Hells of no.

The proxy... thing sounds good, though. I guess. So doing it safely is theoretically possible? I'll have to like. Start making plans. Plans and plots and schemes. We can be in cahoots! Cahoots, I say.

And I don't care what we have for dinner but can you get me some chocolate or something because seriously I could eat eight whole bars right now holy fuck.

[toobig]

I already told Alan the same thing, but I can't believe you'd be this stupid. Be a little smarter next time, please. It's ridiculous what you put so many people through during all of this. There's no way you can do something like this again, I don't care if it's a video stunt... not everything is a movie! Don't put yourselves into more danger... Please, I'm serious.







Also, 'we are friends anymore' makes no sense when using the first option. It's really bothering me.

[drama8om8]

Oh my god you are the mommest mom who ever mommed, MOM. ::::I
My plan WAS smart, just FYI! It totally worked. I should havejust 8een more ruthless with how I got rid of the guards!
8ut ok. No danger! Even though the video thing wouldn't 8e dangerous jsyk.

(I swear to god if you keep editor-nitpicking my shit I will punch a 8a8y.)

text

[wasthatmymom]

I was gonna send u the lyrics to all-star by smash mouth but this doesnt seem like the time

text

[drama8om8]

Idk, I think it is ALWAYS the time for Smash Mouth.
Especially after such a harrowing shreksperience! MAN am I glad that shit is ogre. >::::)

Text ; handwritten

[nevergivesup]

I can't believe that rescue thing actually succeeded without a hitch. Everyone involved was really damn lucky. ...You're somewhere you can stay safe for a while, right?

Oh, and I don't think any kind of public declaration would be a good idea. Even if they're calling us you us a terrorist organization, they don't really know anything about us. Like how many there are. We could just be a really dedicated gang of punks. Making a video would... kind of make us seem more official and large scale.

And if it got on the news, that might be enough of a push for the police and stuff to be more obvious about their activities. Last thing we need is a task force dedicated to finding us and public support.

text;

[drama8om8]

We weren't just lucky! We were 8ADASS. And stuff. 8ut yeah, we're in a safe place! Gavin's letting us crash at his for a while.

And like. I guess you have a point there or whatever.
A kind of wussy point that 8rings us right 8ack to hiding away and cowering from the enemy! 8ut still a valid one.
It just feels kind of dum8 to finally win something and then go right 8ack to hiding like wimpy little rats! 8luh.

text;

[eras]

i don't know if the youtube thing is a super great idea
but its good to hear that youre both okay
do you want a care package or something

text;

[drama8om8]

All I want is for you to ST8P P8ST-LIFE SNITCHING 8N ME TO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

 

 

Meaning I don't need nothing, ask Alan. 8ut thanks. For rescuing and for offering and 8luh 8luh etc.

[von_uberwolf]

[She's since caught up on what was causing that crazy day at the office.]

Do it, if you can in a way that doesn't make you sound crazy. Show the world. Justice has to happen in the light.

[drama8om8]

...That is about the cheesiest fucking thing I ever heard somebody say. And it only counts as justice when that one Sherman guy gets smashed in the face with something pointy and heavy! Eight times.

I mean your vote has been noted. Uh.

Voice. Cellphone.

[flamberge]

[To lecture or not to lecture? Maybe a bit of both.]

It's good that you're all right, however take care to not have this happen again.

[PLEASE. Save him the trouble of hearing his boss bitch about 'goddamn fucking high school kids'.]

As for the message, the idea is not a bad one, however it needs to be executed properly in order for it to be effective.

voice;

[drama8om8]

Waity-wait, don't let this happen again? But i was already halfway through the window to go right back to the station, bro! I am getting so many mixed messages here. All the mixed messages.

[ TEEHEE~ ]

But okay. What would you consider effective? The "crying innocent girl" approach? The "boring and factual newsreader" type, maybe? The "street tough maverick with nothing to lose?"