savetheearth | text/audio;

[ The post opens with a handy little form letter custom-designed by Octavia for people to fill out. Enjoy. ]

Dear Tavia / Alan / Tavia and Alan / President O8ama,

I, (YOUR NAME HERE), am pissed at / super pissed at / really super pissed at / shockingly attracted to you right now. What were you thinking / are you wearing, cutie(s). What you did was irresponsible / reckless / dangerous / actually pretty cool / worse than str8-up murdering a flock of 8a8ies and I can't 8elieve you would 8e so stupid / you didn't invite me / you are not dead / it's not 8utter. Wow, am I ever 8uttmad / asschafed / cheekstung / rearniggled right now. Damn.

To conclude, you are dum8 / 8rave / lucky to 8e alive / actually already punished enough for this / going to get punched in the face / a 8itch / in possession of a really gr8 8utt.

We are / are not friends any more. I hope you die / don't die,

love / no love from YOUR NAME HERE.

[ That done with, she switches to audio. ]

Just thought I'd cut down on the lecture time for everybody. Because while I am sure all of you are oh-so-fucking ready to sate your massive told-you-so boners, I actually have stuff to say! Like "thanks for being super cool badasses and saving us, rescue teams." And "wow those photos being shown on the news are unflattering as fuck." And "please remember we just spent days in solitary confinement thinking we were going to have our brains scooped out." Which means yes! Alan and I are entirely aware of how quote-dumb-unquote my plan was and all the implications of it and blah blah blah don't waste your fucking time fussing at us.

I also want to point out that like. Somebody would have got caught at some point anyway, right? Like this whole deal was only ever going to last so long. And if it had to be somebody it was good that the captives were us! People who didn't fucking talk even a little, no matter what they threatened us with. People who were brave and cool at all times! People who could contact the outside without writing a number in blood or snot or whatever and blowing this whole shitfest operation. You are welcome.

[ There's a half-uttered syllable, then a soft mmgh as she apparently rethinks what she was going to say. Then, in a falsely lighthearted tone: ]

And, uh. Since like. My face is out there anyway I don't really have shit to lose as far as that is concerned! So what if we had me record a message saying that we ain't terrorists. Maybe explain our deal a little or something? And then put it on Youtube or send it to the press or whatever. Like, if there is a way to do that safely and securely and not get caught. And if people think that's a good idea and not me being fucktarded, haha! And stuff.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

youre a complete iidiot ii hope you know that

[are you kidding him right now. But he doesn't sound angry. Just exasperated]

... At the risk of sounding like a goddamned preschool teacher, did you actually learn anything from this? Or are you just going to play it off like a game.

But whatever you do, do not "explain our deal" or whatever. Well intentioned or not, you'll just mess things up. More.

not seeing an apology for ur horrible singing rectify this @ once

Did they hurt you?

And here I was a8out to offer to officially stop calling you "piss8a8y" if it seriously genuinely did 8ug you! Would THAT 8e idiotic? I just don't know any more! 8r8 re-evalu8ting all of my life choices. :::;)

I learned that if I do this again, I have all the guards throw themselves off the top of the tower while I'm controlling them instead of leaving them alive so they can come down and bust us. Duh.

And fine. One vote for no press release! Check out me being all democracy...ing. And junk.

no see even if you did that you would still be an idiot but youd be an idiot that maybe ii would 2till talk two after you know actually going out of my way two help break you out for some stupid rea2on.

My singing was gr8 and lured you weenies to me and therefore did its jo8! I am like a siren.
May8e I WAS a siren! Siren pir8 fairy Jesus. Not 8ad.

Just stop doing anything.

...Well, I guess I don't have to ask you if you're okay.

I've heard stories of people just disappearing and never coming back. I know we haven't met, but I'm glad you two are okay.

[The last thing they needed was to lose more of their own. She hadn't experienced this herself, but after talking to Julien...

Although that last thing piqued her interest.]

A public declaration? Hmm. I don't know if that's a good idea, but... it's interesting. Very interesting.

you r not nearly attractive enough 2 be a siren

im sry but its true

(legit tho u realize this is gonna stop like no one)

Pshhhhhhhh, nah.
Not even a little! I mean we had 8arely any food or sleep or human contact that wasn't super threatening and shit. 8ut no hurting!
Not that it'd have mattered anyway 8ecause I STILL wouldn't have talked. 8adass.

*Octavia immedi8tely stops doing anything, including 8reathing*
*And then dies*

*Octavia's spirit rises from her corporeal 8ody to raise 8oth middle fingers at you in a dou8le deuce*

I'm glad you're okay. Both of you.

[ Unlike Bertl, Ryan spends less time scolding and more time dad-ing. This is why they're together. ]

Pfft! Like I could ever not be okay. Try and imagine a situation in which I could potentially be un-okay in any possible form! You will fail.

You're damn right it's interesting, person-who-didn't-introduce-themselves-yet. I figure people know we exist and think we are bad guys! So it aaaaaaaabsolutely cannot get any worse. So maybe if we speak up and tell them what we really are then some of them will be on our side! And I am a safe way to do that.

Safe-ish.

Half-safe.

Kinda.

I dunno, after one of my friends probably died I think I can.

But I guess I would've already heard if you weren't.

Oh man, I'm just glad you guys are alright. [a shaky sigh--he might not have been held captive for days, but just the breakout alone was intense enough for him.] Even if they are plastering your photos all over the place to try and find you now.

...uh, please don't put out a message, though. They still don't know that much about us, I don't think, so, uh. I don't think it's a good idea to give them more.

[WOW SUPER REASSURING. there's a bit of a pause before Elian writes again.]

Everyone has their breaking point. But I am glad yours was not found, even with such treatment.

What did they ask you?

Heeeeeeeey, Bara Dad! Haha. Of course we're okay! I'm Jesus and Alan's a you-know-what. What could the bad guys even do.

Somehow I don't see anyone believing "our deal". Even when framed by your lovely voice ♥.

So did you find out anything useful while you were there?

Edited 2013-11-17 21:04 (UTC)

One more vote for the weenie course of action! Haha. But I dunno, bro. The detective guy knew there was a whole group of us. And that some of us ain't human! So. Yeah.

Luci. You?

But I'm not sure if just one person from a crowd would be enough. And even still, would you be willing to put yourself in danger again? Who's to say they even went hard on you two this time?

[well that's... somewhat better than what he was expecting. And he might actually sound a little CONCERNED???] Nnnnnooo. Close! ... and not a bad idea. BUT. The moral of this little story is to not do things like this without backup. That's why the break out worked so well. At least maybe now you've got an idea of how dangerous this all really is!

Also... sorry about... saying I didn't care if you died. That was a big fat lie cause I obviously do. We're all in this together, so you can't run off to play superhero all by yourselves. We can't lose any more people.

Edited 2013-11-17 21:06 (UTC)

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voice; sorry for all the serious in your post