savetheearth | text/audio;

[ The post opens with a handy little form letter custom-designed by Octavia for people to fill out. Enjoy. ]

Dear Tavia / Alan / Tavia and Alan / President O8ama,

I, (YOUR NAME HERE), am pissed at / super pissed at / really super pissed at / shockingly attracted to you right now. What were you thinking / are you wearing, cutie(s). What you did was irresponsible / reckless / dangerous / actually pretty cool / worse than str8-up murdering a flock of 8a8ies and I can't 8elieve you would 8e so stupid / you didn't invite me / you are not dead / it's not 8utter. Wow, am I ever 8uttmad / asschafed / cheekstung / rearniggled right now. Damn.

To conclude, you are dum8 / 8rave / lucky to 8e alive / actually already punished enough for this / going to get punched in the face / a 8itch / in possession of a really gr8 8utt.

We are / are not friends any more. I hope you die / don't die,

love / no love from YOUR NAME HERE.

[ That done with, she switches to audio. ]

Just thought I'd cut down on the lecture time for everybody. Because while I am sure all of you are oh-so-fucking ready to sate your massive told-you-so boners, I actually have stuff to say! Like "thanks for being super cool badasses and saving us, rescue teams." And "wow those photos being shown on the news are unflattering as fuck." And "please remember we just spent days in solitary confinement thinking we were going to have our brains scooped out." Which means yes! Alan and I are entirely aware of how quote-dumb-unquote my plan was and all the implications of it and blah blah blah don't waste your fucking time fussing at us.

I also want to point out that like. Somebody would have got caught at some point anyway, right? Like this whole deal was only ever going to last so long. And if it had to be somebody it was good that the captives were us! People who didn't fucking talk even a little, no matter what they threatened us with. People who were brave and cool at all times! People who could contact the outside without writing a number in blood or snot or whatever and blowing this whole shitfest operation. You are welcome.

[ There's a half-uttered syllable, then a soft mmgh as she apparently rethinks what she was going to say. Then, in a falsely lighthearted tone: ]

And, uh. Since like. My face is out there anyway I don't really have shit to lose as far as that is concerned! So what if we had me record a message saying that we ain't terrorists. Maybe explain our deal a little or something? And then put it on Youtube or send it to the press or whatever. Like, if there is a way to do that safely and securely and not get caught. And if people think that's a good idea and not me being fucktarded, haha! And stuff.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's probably for the best.

I'm glad you're not that stupid, at least, but please don't treat this like it's some movie.

(Don't do it again!)

You know it's going to 8E a movie one day, right?
Mac's 8etting on an entire trilogy. With the 8r8kout 8eing the climax of the first act!
You should start getting more involved in the action scenes, dude. Su8tly!
So for the entire first movie you will 8e the one guy no8ody notices, sweating away in the 8ackground next to Ryan and not getting any lines, then movie 2 comes around and 8AM.
You were important all along! People will FLIP.

[ How meta ]

[Why does that feel really really familiar. Bertholdt has to pause a moment.]

Uh... well, there's not much I can do that would be important, so that doesn't really matter. I'd rather not be remembered anyway.

Wow, 8ro, don't 8e such a fucking weenie.
8eing remem8ered is gr8! No8ody gives a SHIT a8out side characters. You gotta reach out and gra8 the fucking spotlight. Or what is the point of ANYTHING? ::::\

But... I don't really like the idea of being noticed.

I never have.

A8solutely the weakiest lameshit I ever heard!
You have to get over that, dude. Or like. 8ecome good at stealthy shit, I guess? You could pro8a8ly pull off the "tall dark mysterious character" thing.
Can you look at people in a smouldering and 8roody manner? 8ecause that might 8e a gr8 start!

I'm too tall to be sneaky.

[OCTAVIA ITS A COMPLEX BE MORE SENSITIVE]

I don't... know if I could?

Too tall my ass!!!!!!!! 8ara Ryan is turning into one of the same things Alan is, right?
Imagine how tall HE will 8e! WOW.
Then next to him you will 8e super tiny! And you can ride on his shoulders and it'll 8e HELLS of awesome.
(Alan already promised to let me do that! Ride on his titan shoulders, I mean. Doesn't that sound cooooooool? May8e worth getting noticed for? >:::;D)

Past me could turn into one too, though.

The... biggest one... Probably uh, big enough to put Ryan and Alan's Titans on my own shoulders, with you on Alan's shoulder.

Like an ant...

H8ly f8ck wh8t.
You too? And THAT 8IG? FOR SERIOUS????????

Wow you really can't catch a 8r8k with the unnotica8le thing, huh.

Right... Ellie said I was that big too. The walls... that we lived in were huge and I could look over them.

[SIGHS]

No. I can't...

Holy shit, haha.
8ut look on the 8right side! If you are THAT 8ig you 8n't never going to get hurt, right?
So when you can do your giant transformy shit, 8AM! The good guys win. 8ecause you can just stamp on every8ody in Thunder Corp and the police for us!
Like a living nuke. No survivors! Only CRUSHING DUDES! 8OOM!!!!!!!!

I really don't want to talk about doing anything like that.

Don't wuss out on me NOW, 8ro! You could win this entire thing for us and save every8ody from dying!
You don't want people to get killed, riiiiiiiight? So o8viously you have to start getting ALL THE ECHOES. All of them. Every single one until you are suddenly a huge fucking giant!
Start thinking a8out idk. Huge things. Giant dudes doing whatever giant dudes do.
May8e 8urn some meat or something! That's what Alan's titan fumes smell like. STAND IN A SAUNA AND GRILL SOME 8URGERS RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

Of course I don't want people to get killed...! I just don't think I'm cut out for this type of thing at all. Even if I was able to... uh, transform like that again, how could I be sure I wouldn't hurt anyone?

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LOUISE...........

TEEHEE~

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/LOUISE/

sobs into eternity

i cant believe this