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[You know how sometimes when you panic everything you know about what you're panicking about flies right out the window into the great open skies of What The Actual Fuck?

This is a thing that's happening to Kanti now.]

IT TURNS INTO A CHAINSAW
IT WAS HEAVY BECAUSE IT TURNS INTO A CHAINSAW
I HAVE CHAINSAW LIPSTICK
AND I AM BLEEDING CHLOROPHYLL EVERYWHERE
THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED MY WEEK TO GO

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?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!@1!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?1!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?@?@?@@?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?@?@?@@?!?!!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?1!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?1!?!FWHAT!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?1!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11\!?!!!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?@?@?@@??!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?13@#!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?11!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!?#@32uno!?!!?!

I WOULD OFFER TO COME OVER, BUT I'M SCARED.
FOR YOU.
AND ME.
FOR BOTH OF US WHAT THE FUCK CHAINSAWS WHY IS THIS EVIL DEAD?!?!

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wait what bleediing chlorophyll wtf??

IT'S GREEN

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uhhhhhhhhhhhh
maybe one of the doctors here should come help you
i think that chlorophyll is supposed to stay in your body

I need to get out of the house
And to the clinic

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Bleeding chlorophyll?

[Sorry, Kanti, you're probably going to get that question from everyone.]

Edited (additional amusing aside (and alliteration)) 2013-11-12 22:57 (UTC)

It's GREEN
If you have any better suggestions I am all ears

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THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ME USE LIPSTICK

This is awful
I would really like to talk to you about lipstick
But this is really just terrible and I am trying to make it stop being a thing

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um. are you okay?

I

Probably not

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Do you need any help? Green blood doesn't bother me and I've got a motorcycle so I could get you to the clinic pretty quickly.

[And then he wonders about the state of his life, in which green blood has become a perfectly normal thing.]

Oh thank god
Wait what

[PRIORITIES]

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There are so many things wrong with that.

Yes

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[THERE IS SO MUCH TO SAY TO THIS. Thankfully, Richard's practical enough to start from the most important and work his way to the lipstick chainsaw.]

Do you require a lift to the clinic?

[Oh wow this is way easier than hoping Google Voice-to-Text actually works like it's supposed to]

I have a few people offering rides and I'm not sure how well my parents would react to eight different people parking cars outside the house.

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WAIT WHAT

ARE YOU OKAY

IS THE CHAINSAW A SAFE DISTANCE AWAY FROM YOUR CHLOROPHYLL

It's in the sink. I figured out how to not make it a chainsaw anymore but I don't want to touch it.

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[Whoa holy shit what.]

How bad is it? Do you need any help?

[He doesn't know this person, but chainsaw+bleeding seems like a reasonable cause for worry]

Edited 2013-11-13 02:55 (UTC)

[You and her both buddy]

It's bleeding and I'm a little too freaked out to look at it right now. It's probably bad. I'm going to have to burn this towel.

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Where and how large is the injury?

[She's already been offered a lift to the clinic; he can at least be ready when she gets there.]

Forearm. from below the wrist to-

[A few gross noises like cloth coming away from a wound. You know how it is.] Elbow...

It's really green... [Never gonna get over it.]

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WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE WEIRD BLOOD?!

[Everything is hushed voices and harsh whispers now.]

As if I would know! Would you keep it down please! My parents are in the next room over and I don't want them to know that their daughter is a mutant!

Also, it's nice to know you're okay. [Harshly whispering in her gladness. Kanti Singh everybody. She'll be here all week.]

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[He assumes looking over at all the other responses to this that he's late, and that it was as bad a wound as one from a chainsaw likely would be, and that she'd have already gone to get it taken care of at the LSR Clinic - he should still say something, and as he can't contrive anything even plausibly constructive at this point this is as good as any.]

Excuse me, please... Are you safe?

[At this point he can assume that he is assuming correctly and that everything is under some semblance of control. Or at least as much of one as a bunch of teenagers and probably some adults can manage.]

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to die.

[ YOUR LIFE ]

KANTI

Tell me you're not in the process of dying and we can go from there!!!

[SHE'S SO SORRY BANAGHER SHE DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THE THING]

I refuse to be dying. This is too stupid for me to be dying from it.

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[ What what what. ]

I think you might want to have that looked at.

We're getting there as fast as we possibly can.

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oh my god
do you need someone to come over
with like
bandages or
something
are you okay?????????????
why would it turn into a chainsaw

I have a towel and bandages but mostly the towel
and I don't know
I just don't know

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How big was your tube of lipstick to start with?

The size you would expect a tube of lipstick to be
It was heavy

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