one; text

[enrages]

hey, hey you worthless piece of garbage. i swear to god, if this is the result of Obamacare implanting numbers in my mind, i'm going to backflip straight into the sun propelled solely by my fists and the screams you'll unleash as i pummel you to death.
if it's not Obamacare, it's basically me being a genius and hacking into your super secret baby playhouse for government adults who think they own the world.
guess what, kids? i'm gonna fuck your shit up.
and you'll never catch me.
no matter how hard you try, no matter how many drones strikes you send my way!
i'm 15 million steps ahead of your pathetic attempts at being intellectual, because i already thought of that.
so keep fondling your collective, but *singular* brain cell you call the CIA, and pray to god for a single iota of my brilliance.
i've got to be still for about 8 seconds so you can triangulate my position, right?
well, outsmarted you there!! i'm tEXTING WHILE DRIVING, YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT MY LOCATION, JUST FUCKING TRY IT!
MAKE MY DAY!!
*I DARE YOU.*
THE PATRIOT ACT IS SHIT!
OBAMA, YOU ARE THE CANCER THAT HAS TAKEN AMERICA BACK BEHIND THE SHED AND PUT IT DOWN OL' YELLER STYLE!!!
RON PAUL 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



if this
isn't
a secret government network meant to monitor the disruptive (read: right) members of society...
then




fuck.
i dont know what to say.
uh.
hey.

Comments

action????

[reapsthewind]

[hey karkat you just got another text message from a different number, but this one is a link to a news site that says RONPAUL 2015: THE RETURN OF RON PAUL!

do you click y/n ]

action;

[enrages]

[ are you kidding me yes times 9k ]

action;

[reapsthewind]

[nothing seems to happen though now your phone is loading pages really oddly

which actually means that chris just backdoored your phone with a virus and seriously how gullible ARE you

a few minutes later three she is remote controlling her three prototype drones which are now zeroing in on your car

they are all playing Ride of the Valkyries

the vuvuzela cover ]

action;

[enrages]

[ wow, this shit sucks. worst website ever. there is nothing of value on here, jeez louise. but he is still driving, checking his messages and snugging his dog, so it takes a while for him to notice the motherfucking DRONES FOLLOWING HIS GODDAMN CAR.

it's only when they stop at a red light that he notices. and he only notices because crab starts whining.

when he notices, HE RUNS THAT FUCKING REDLIGHT HAVE FUN FOLLOWING THIS KID WE ARE NOW GOING WAY OVER THE SPEED LIMIT AND DRIVING WORSE THAN USUAL, WHICH IS EXCEPTIONAL AND POTENTIALLY RECORD BREAKING. ]

action;

[reapsthewind]

[... and in fashion that truly mirrors her pre-incarnation as Starscream, Chris slowly starts to realize that perhaps that was a poor idea

Unlike Starscream it's because she honestly would rather not kill a kid]

[fuck how to fix this um]

CITIZEN PULL OVER AND YOU WILL NOT BE HARMED

[Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu--]

action;/text;

[enrages]

[ STILL DRIVING TERRIBLY THERE ARE LOTS OF SCREEEECHES

he figures its YOU THO so here have a text message ]

stop scarnign my dog leaev him LSALMNONE HE DIDNT DO THIGNTHING CRAB DIDNT DO ANYTHIG LEVAE HIM ALONE

audio;

[reapsthewind]

[warning: christobel starsky has the most annoying voice in the universe. she is screechy and high pitched and sounds remarkably like a small housecat being dragged forcibly across a giant chalkboard by the tail

thus it's probably kind of disturbing when all three drones and your cell phone talk like her]

STOP TEXTING YOU MORON AND PULL OVER JESUS CHRIST WHAT KIND OF RETARDED TEENAGE DICKHOLE ARE YOU?

text; -> audio;

[enrages]

LKDHOGIFYGOIU FYHLGKJDFHSLJKGDFHSKJGHSFLY GFO8DSYOGIFUHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[ there goes the phone again, lost to the darkness of car. ]

SIRI, SIRI, GO AUDIO, DO THE TALKING THING. I'LL PULL OVER WHEN YOU STOP FUCKING FOLLOWING ME, YOU RIDICULOUS BITCH. [ there is a small dog yapping in the background. ]

audio;

[reapsthewind]

OKAY FINE BUT YOU'RE THE PARANOID ONE

PS: NOT THE AIRFORCE

MUCH SCARIER

[FINE

she calls 'em off and sets 'em on autopilot to come home WHATEVER man

though now she's looking through all your recent calls and texts ]

audio;

[enrages]

LEAAAAAVE US ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEE!!!

[ wow enjoy a little kid wailing and a dog yowling in tandem ]

audio;

[reapsthewind]

FINE

/HANGS UP >|