savetheearth | one; text

hey, hey you worthless piece of garbage. i swear to god, if this is the result of Obamacare implanting numbers in my mind, i'm going to backflip straight into the sun propelled solely by my fists and the screams you'll unleash as i pummel you to death.
if it's not Obamacare, it's basically me being a genius and hacking into your super secret baby playhouse for government adults who think they own the world.
guess what, kids? i'm gonna fuck your shit up.
and you'll never catch me.
no matter how hard you try, no matter how many drones strikes you send my way!
i'm 15 million steps ahead of your pathetic attempts at being intellectual, because i already thought of that.
so keep fondling your collective, but *singular* brain cell you call the CIA, and pray to god for a single iota of my brilliance.
i've got to be still for about 8 seconds so you can triangulate my position, right?
well, outsmarted you there!! i'm tEXTING WHILE DRIVING, YOU'LL NEVER FIGURE OUT MY LOCATION, JUST FUCKING TRY IT!
MAKE MY DAY!!
*I DARE YOU.*
THE PATRIOT ACT IS SHIT!
OBAMA, YOU ARE THE CANCER THAT HAS TAKEN AMERICA BACK BEHIND THE SHED AND PUT IT DOWN OL' YELLER STYLE!!!
RON PAUL 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if this
isn't
a secret government network meant to monitor the disruptive (read: right) members of society...
then

fuck.
i dont know what to say.
uh.
hey.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Good evening, you have reached the Social Security Administration. We have the most up-to-date, state-of-the-art technology, and there are currently three heat-seeking missiles keyed to your social security number tracking your location. If you have any family, pets, or other loved ones, say your farewells now.

I repeat, this is the Social Security Administration. We are your worst nightmare. And we know where you live.

Have a nice day. :)

Edited 2013-06-16 02:24 (UTC)

Probably going to be Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush in 2016. Also, shouldn't be texting while driving. Will probably die. Pull over.

[Yes, Mordin, please continue to antagonize the already angry young man. There is no way this can possibly go wrong.]

Roger that, SSA, this is the Air Force. In addition to the heat-seeking missiles we also have seventeen precision search-and-destroy drones keyed in to this location in case subject escapes.

PS SSA, you're brilliant A+ would read again

You do realize that Obamacare is a policy and not a secret organization created to mind control the populace, yes?

[no, Emmanuel, logic doesn't belong here. You're doing it wrong.]

Please pull over if you decide to reply.

[Oooh, a new player appears. Awesome!]

Acknowledged, Air Force. Deploy drones and proceed with mission. Subject must not escape. Repeat: Subject MUST NOT escape.

guess what im doing right the fuck now, you egregious MORONIC PLAGUE?
here, look, i'll give you a minute or so to guess.
i'm that nice of a motherfucker.
alright, here comes your minute. are you ready? are you fucking prepared to get your guess on?
yes?
no?
doesn't matter-- GO.

I'M TEXTING WHILE DRIVING AND EXPLI

[ wait shit veering off the road okay give him two seconds ]

Edited 2013-06-16 03:02 (UTC)

I AM EXPLICITLY NOT PULLING OVER JUST TO SPITE YOU.
IF I DIE, THE RESPONSIBILITY IS NOW ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
you pushed me to this point.
you've pushed me this far, obama.
or cia.
whoever the fuck you are.

My, you're excitable.

you're texting me to correct me about dumbshit politics that AREN'T EVEN THE SLIGHTEST BIT FACTUAL while knowing that i will respond, regardless of road situation.
in some states, that shit's considered murder.
i've got ur number, obamarama.
i've figured out all your shitty little speech loopholes, trying to avoid any responsibility for drone strikes and syria.
can't get SHIT PASt me, assstorm.

[Oh, God. He thought he'd check the Network while tweaking his sermon for tomorrow and...yeah, this was a terrible idea. But it's like a trainwreck. Can't look away.]

[surely no one's that reckless, he must be lying about the driving thing, right??]

Neither. I'm a private citizen. All of us are. If you're interested in conspiracy theories I can assure you the truth is weirder. Why would you die to prove a point if you wouldn't be around to see it made? That's pointless.

[pun unintentional! Though he notices it after he sends the message and can't decide whether it's inappropriate to laugh to himself or not.]

i'll become a martyr, *MR* obama.
because plot twist: the people are on to your game!
ron paul's financial support and sheer numbers of electors is proof enough of that!
so try to get me with your fucking HEAT SEEKING MISSILES IN THE MIDDLE OF A CITY AIMED AT A MOVING TARGET (wow thats dumb, have i clarified how dumb that is?? it's really dumb).
because you'll NEVER silence the people, no matter how fucking hard you try!!
the people found out about the drone strikes on the border of pakistan, and they'll find out about this too.

if you can even CATCH ME.
which, here's my motherfucking challenge of the ages, you shitgathering pseudointellectual organization for pussies--

YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME.
ALIVE, DEAD, ZOMBIFIED ON THE STREETS OF SOME BACKWATER CHINESE PROVINCE.
I AM UNSTOPPABLE [ --wait hold on, having to make a turn, he needs both hands for this. ]

[ wow that was a good rant, good job karson, you are on a role. now, come on, let's add some evidence to nail the us govt's coffin shut. ]

i mean, come on, i already hacked your super secret network.
even if there isn't much secret on here.
its really just a bunch of inane gossip and confused conversations, now that i look at it.
huh.

whatever.
this day, i ascend to INFAMY.

YOU DON'T KNOW THE HALF OF IT, *MR* OBAMA.

i will punch your drones straight out of the sky, motherfucker.

We have proofed them against punching by coating them with infectious nanites which will invade your brain and indoctrinate you into the liberal agenda if you touch them.

You do realize that Ron Paul retired, don't you?

I just thought I'd ask.

i have faith in him.
he'll return.
he knows we're waiting.

you seriously took me seriously?!
it was meTAPHORICAL, JESUS H CHRIST
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PREPARED FOR PEOPLE PUNCHING PLANES?!
THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE????
HOW FUHHUjk

[ wait dropped the phone, sorry dog. you aren't getting a response until he can fish it out from under the car pedals. ]

Plane punching is a serious problem for the United States Air Force, dating back to the Soviet Rocket Jump Incident back in 1979.

This is NOT--I repeat, NOT the White House. You have reached the SSA. We are above the White House. We are above the Law. We are above EVERYTHING. And we OWN you.

The files you "hacked" into are encoded to look like idle gossip. Do you really think you are a match for US? You will NOT achieve INFAMY. You will NOT pass GO. You will NOT collect $200. You will only DISAPPEAR, as do all who dare to cross us.

You may now kiss your ass goodbye.

god bless him.
god bless america.

I feel as if I should post a picture of a crying eagle or something.

Edited 2013-06-16 03:40 (UTC)

ha ha ha. nice pun there, assfiend.
i'm laughing my goddamn life away all up in here.
(i'm not actually laughing. there is no one laughing. just stop)

but if you're going to offer me conspiracy theories, you'd better pony up, punk.
so spill it.
i'm listening.

The United States Airforce is here to serve

Page 1 of 11

one; text

Text

no subject

Text; /threadjack

[text]

Text; /threadjack

[text] 1/2

[text]

text

no subject

[text]

Text 1/2

text;

text

text;

text;

text

text

text;

text;

text; iPhone

Re: text;

text; iPhone

Re: text; iPhone

[text]

text; /threadjacking again...