[video] forward-dated to the 24th

[grannyfucker]

[Jovan's face is lit only by the light from his phone. The background is mostly pitch black, but it's clear that he's sitting in a pile of something shiny.]

Alright, not being funny here, I need a rescue mission right the fuck now before a dragon comes out of here somewhere and eats me! SOS, SOS, send down those rescuers who got the Chilean miners out! I'm inside that new mountain that popped up in Vegas!

[He swings the phone around to give the network a view of his surroundings. Not much is visible, but Jovan clicks on his flashlight and illuminates at least a small portion of the area--he is sitting on a giant pile of golden coins, trinkets, jewels, and the like. The full scale is not really visible from the flashlight's view, but one thing is clear: it's BIG.]

Send your best cave dwellers before I die down here!

Comments

[Video]

[italktofish]

But you've NEVER BEEN CURIOUS ABOUT THE TRADITIONAL HOLIDAY FOODS OF OTHER CULTURES?!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

What? My holiday food is from another culture already! Eggnog's the foreign shit to me--everyone keeps talking about it but I have no idea what it is!

[Video]

[italktofish]

It's OUTRAGEOUSLY MAGICAL HOLIDAY CHEER IN A CUP, that's what it is!

[And booze.]

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

Jesus, you must really like eggnog.

[Video]

[italktofish]

I DO! It's an ESSENTIAL PART OF THE HOLIDAY TRADITION! And I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

Alright, alright, I'll--I'll drink your eggnog and all your holiday traditions, just as soon as you get me out!

[Video]

[italktofish]

Not to worry, the silverfish are ON THEIR WAY!

...unless there's an underwater stream I COULD TAKE PERSONALLY!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

I don't care, whichever one gets here faster!

[Video]

[italktofish]

But I don't know if there IS a stream for me to take!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

Make one if you have to!

[Video]

[italktofish]

I don't know if my POWER TO CONTROL WATER is STRONG ENOUGH to DIVERT THE ELEMENTS THEMSELVES TO CREATE A STREAM OUT OF NOTHING!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

How can it not be powerful enough?! What's the point of being Aquaman if you can't control water?!

[Video]

[italktofish]

BUT I CAN TALK TO SEA LIFE! THERE'S THAT!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

THEN TELL A DOLPHIN TO RIDE ME OUT OF HERE!

Re: [Video]

[italktofish]

ONCE I FIND IT A WAY IN!

AND FIND ONE IN LAS VEGAS!

IF I WENT TO GO GET FLUKE FROM LOCKE, IT WOULD TAKE ME FOUR HOURS TO GET BACK!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

Four--can't you just fly him through the teleporters back here?!

[Video]

[italktofish]

But once I go through the teleporter, I'D HAVE TO WAIT FOUR MORE HOURS TO COME BACK!

THERE'S A COOLDOWN, MAN!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

Oh shit.

[He totally forgot about the cooldown.]

What good are you, then? Can't you find another dolphin here in Vegas?!

[Video]

[italktofish]

THE AQUARIUM WON'T LET ME BORROW ANY!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

SO JUST STEAL ONE!

[Video]

[italktofish]

I CAN'T DO THAT! STEALING IS WRONG!

BESIDES, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET THE DOLPHIN TO YOU IN THE MOUNTAIN ANYWAY UNLESS THERE'S AN UNDERWATER STREAM!

Re: [Video]

[grannyfucker]

WELL THEN, YOU'RE JUST USELESS, AREN'T YOU?

[Video]

[italktofish]

Well, I'M NOT THE ONE WHO GOT HIMSELF STUCK IN A MOUNTAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE!

[Video]

[grannyfucker]

[He opens his mouth to make a rebuttal but realizes he doesn't even know how he got here.]

Well, it's not my fault!

[Video]

[italktofish]

So sometimes ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!

That doesn't mean you should TAKE IT OUT ON SOMEONE TRYING TO HELP!