Video, backdated to September 27

[italktofish]

I just want you all to know that the thing with THE GIGANTIC LOBSTERCRAB was NOT MY FAULT!

[Honestly! Really! Would this face lie to you?]

I DIDN'T WAKE IT UP! I SWEAR!

[So maybe everyone else had the right idea in getting him to leave it alone when he found it. Imagine that.]

And when it DID wake up, I COULDN'T TALK TO IT! I TRIED to see what it wanted and to see if I could get it to CALM DOWN, but I had ABSOLUTELY NO LUCK!

[He's pretty saddened by that, actually.]

I mean, I KIND OF got through, but all I got was that it was REALLY SCARED and it was like A BUNCH OF LITTLE VOICES going ON AND ON AND ON and I couldn't really make much SENSE of it all, except that maybe it just wanted to SURVIVE but it was like I was TALKING TO A WALL or maybe a REALLY DENSE SEA CUCUMBER THAT HAD BEEN OUT DRINKING ALL NIGHT ONLY NOT JUST ONE CUCUMBER BUT A BUNCH OF THEM!

[There's a sad sigh.]

And there was a LOT of other destruction, no doubt about that...EVERYONE was running scared at some point...so with all THAT in mind, I thought I'd SHARE something with you all!

[He takes a deep breath.]

I call it...THE SAD SONG OF THE SEA!

[And he starts making whale noises. Sad whale noises. These whale noises are very loud and full of SORROW...even if they're still just loud whale noises and the "sorrow" part of the equation is likely to be lost on most of the listeners.]

Comments

[hustru]

Could have been there and died out before we started.

[italktofish]

Now THERE'S an OUTRAGEOUSLY STRANGE thought!

[hustru]

More likely than us being singular.

[italktofish]

I wonder how many times it could have HAPPENED in the past?!

[Long pause.]

DO YOU THINK THAT'S WHAT'S BEHIND ROSWELL AND AREA 51 OR BIGFOOT OR THE LOCH NESS MONSTER OR THE ALIENS BUILDING THE PYRAMIDS?!

[hustru]

[...Are you even for real

She just stares for a long time.]

The pyramids weren't build by aliens.

[italktofish]

Then WHERE DID THEY COME FROM?

[hustru]

They were build by humans.

Ancient Egyptians.

[italktofish]

That's what they WANT you to think!

[hustru]

There's records and evidence.

None however for aliens.

[italktofish]

Maybe they were just REALLY STEALTHY ALIENS!

[hustru]

And why?

[italktofish]

Why NOT?

[hustru]

Because it's illogical.

[italktofish]

But logic isn't FUN!

[hustru]

But sane and reasonable.

[Mind you, her own logic can be all over the place or take large leaps... not that she is quite aware of that.]

i'm sorry, i didn't ask for this great conspiracy burden

[gogoghostpowers]

[HEAVY SIGH]

Okay, in order:

Area 51 is just a cover-up to divert attention away from the real alien research center in the abandoned Tonopah Air Base, which just so happens to be conveniently located about 70 miles out of Las Vegas.

Bigfoot is the Loch Ness Monster.

The pyramids weren't built, they were carved out of mountains when aliens began to terraform the planet before they were chased off by hordes of people. Same thing with Machu Picchu.

Roswell's just a lame tourist trap taking advantage of gullible people. [Does he sound bitter mentioning that last one? Oh no, surely not, you must have misheard. No you didn't. He's very bitter.]

beautiful

[italktofish]

OUTRAGEOUS!

[And, after a very long pause...]

BUT HOW COULD BIGFOOT BE THE LOCH NESS MONSTER THEY BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT SHAPES AND I ALWAYS THOUGHT I COULD TALK TO THE LOCH NESS MONSTER BUT NOT BIGFOOT!

[gogoghostpowers]

Loch Ness Bigfoot just wants you to think they're different shapes. That's part of how they've kept their cover for so long.

Like how no one still knows Cure Phantom is Danny Fenton!

[italktofish]

But is it ACTUALLY a SEA CREATURE? I want to TALK TO IT SOMEDAY!

[And he laughs.]

Ah, yes! SECRET IDENTITIES! I know all ABOUT those!

[Even if he hasn't really been able to keep one of his own to save his life.]

[gogoghostpowers]

...

I don't actually know. I guess it has to be, or else it wouldn't be in the water so much, would it? Maybe it's like a frog--it can be in the water and on land. Amphibious! That's the word for it.

[italktofish]

But you can't TRUST an AMPHIBIAN!

[There's a little fist-shaking.]

LAND OR WATER! THEY GOTTA PICK A SIDE!

[So someone got an Echo that makes him a little weird in conversations like this...]

[gogoghostpowers]

What's wrong with being both?

[italktofish]

But you just can't TRUST that LACK OF COMMITMENT!

[gogoghostpowers]

Oh yeah? What about me, then? Does that mean you don't trust me because I can't commit to being alive or dead?

dying at that other comment I'll have you know

[italktofish]

No, no, NO! It's not like THAT! THESE guys just say one thing and DO ANOTHER and can't COMMIT to anything!