Video, backdated to September 27

[italktofish]

I just want you all to know that the thing with THE GIGANTIC LOBSTERCRAB was NOT MY FAULT!

[Honestly! Really! Would this face lie to you?]

I DIDN'T WAKE IT UP! I SWEAR!

[So maybe everyone else had the right idea in getting him to leave it alone when he found it. Imagine that.]

And when it DID wake up, I COULDN'T TALK TO IT! I TRIED to see what it wanted and to see if I could get it to CALM DOWN, but I had ABSOLUTELY NO LUCK!

[He's pretty saddened by that, actually.]

I mean, I KIND OF got through, but all I got was that it was REALLY SCARED and it was like A BUNCH OF LITTLE VOICES going ON AND ON AND ON and I couldn't really make much SENSE of it all, except that maybe it just wanted to SURVIVE but it was like I was TALKING TO A WALL or maybe a REALLY DENSE SEA CUCUMBER THAT HAD BEEN OUT DRINKING ALL NIGHT ONLY NOT JUST ONE CUCUMBER BUT A BUNCH OF THEM!

[There's a sad sigh.]

And there was a LOT of other destruction, no doubt about that...EVERYONE was running scared at some point...so with all THAT in mind, I thought I'd SHARE something with you all!

[He takes a deep breath.]

I call it...THE SAD SONG OF THE SEA!

[And he starts making whale noises. Sad whale noises. These whale noises are very loud and full of SORROW...even if they're still just loud whale noises and the "sorrow" part of the equation is likely to be lost on most of the listeners.]

Comments

[hustru]

But sane and reasonable.

[Mind you, her own logic can be all over the place or take large leaps... not that she is quite aware of that.]

[italktofish]

But REASONABLE isn't FUN!

[Waaaaah, raining on his fun parade.]

[hustru]

It keeps people alive.

[Being locked up in the apartment might not be fun for Floweregg; hiding what she is becoming might not be fun for herself; but it is the only way to make sure that they'll stay healthy and well.]

[italktofish]

But would you rather a SHORT LIFE full of EXCITEMENT or a LONG, BORING ONE filled with...NOT EXCITEMENT?

[hustru]

A long life.

[Sorry it's just that easy. A long life with her puppy and baking and knitting and long, quiet hikes in the outdoors (and a cute wife at her side, but she knows that that will remain a dream and she'll settle for the next best thing). That sounds good.]

[italktofish]

Well, EVERYONE does, I GUESS, but I still want mine to be EXCITING!

[hustru]

Boring is safer.

[For herself, and her loved ones, and everyone.]

[italktofish]

[There is a long, pained sigh.]

You're no fun.

[hustru]

I have a puppy.

[She needs to be responsible.]

[italktofish]

And I have GOLDFISH!

[hustru]

[Yes, but should he really have taken on this much responsibility? ...For a moment, that is a question that she ponders.]

Sing to them.

[italktofish]

What, now?

[He grins.]

I sing to them ALL THE TIME! And they'll DANCE, TOO!

[hustru]

How do goldfish dance?

[italktofish]

One moment!

[The video feed jerks around as he darts off, and when it's back in focus, he's showing off a large tank full of goldfish. He puts on some music and calls out to the fish.]

Alright, HIT IT!

[The fish are sort of swimming upright and wriggling. It's about as close to an approximation to a tapdance as a goldfish could possibly manage.]

[hustru]

[Just

frozen

what. Arthur, what.

Also kind of impressed but ???]

[italktofish]

Pretty OUTRAGEOUS, right?

[He is grinning so broadly now. He knows when he's stunned an audience into impressed silence. At least, he thinks it's impressed silence.]

[hustru]

Unusual.

[That really... seems like the best description here????]

[italktofish]

Yeah, they don't do that a lot! I had to TEACH THEM ALL!

[hustru]

Why did you?

[italktofish]

Why WOULDN'T I?

[hustru]

[...Okay, she'll cede that point.]

Any other tricks you taught them?

[italktofish]

GET JIGGY WITH IT, BOYS!

[That sure is some fish starting to breakdance. One of them even pulls out a little laminated sheet of cardboard to spin around on.]

[hustru]

[Stunned into silence.

There's also a dog's head pushing into the frame of the video at this point, looking on with interest.]

[italktofish]

AHOY THERE!

[Arthur loves dogs! Hi, dog!]

You wanna see the fish try another dance? Do you? Do you?

[notbloody]

[Hi Arthur!]

What other dances can they do?