[Video]

[italktofish]

[The video feed opens, and it's clearly underwater. There's a shot of a tunnel, one that looks like it's partially blocked by rock and sand, but then it quickly turns to face Arthur.]

Ahoy there! I'm sure you've seen on the news how Las Vegas FLOODED, and since I'VE been in Vegas, You know I had to check it out! And I found something OUTRAGEOUS!

[Arthur looks like he's about to burst with outrageous excitement. The video feed pans again, and that sure is a lobster. Or a crab. Some mix between the two. Whatever it is, it's on the ground there at the bottom of wherever the flooded area he's investigating is. It's also enormous, and it's about 300 meters long.]

I FOUND it! I FOUND THE OUTRAGEOUS SEA CREATURE THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT!

[Really, he's looking way more excited than any man should look while underwater next to a giant crustacean. He's close enough to touch it now, and he turns the camera back to face both him and the lobster-thing behind him, like he's takling a selfie, giving himself a chance to smile and wave. He then turns it back to face the creature.]

AHOY THERE! YOU MUST BE THE OUTRAGEOUS SEA CREATURE I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT! I'M AQUAMAN, BUT MY FRIENDS CALL ME ARTHUR! YOU CAN CALL ME ARTHUR!

[The creature actually stirs slightly at that yelling, though it does not wake. The camera feed shakes from the movement, as though the creature stirring is making the water a little choppy for Arthur. Anyone in Vegas in the vicinity of the flooded area may be aware that there was just a very slight tremor at that exact moment.

Someone should probably tell him not to do that again.]

Comments

video;

[alilyinthemoonslight]

[ CRAP ]

MR. CURRY!

[ crap crap crap crap CRAP ]

Please don't mess with that thing!

video;

[italktofish]

But if it wakes up, I'm sure I can TALK to it!

[At least he's not shouting loudly enough to make the lobstercrabthing start stirring again. Just talking.]

[peacefulwinter]

I have never been less happy to be right. Dammit, why now...!? Can we even fight something like that...?

And are you sure you should be talking to that thing?

[italktofish]

But if I can TALK to it, maybe we won't NEED to fight it!

[guitar_case_vagabond]

[Uuuuh.]

Uh.

[INTERNAL SCREAMING.]

Is... is that what I think it is?

[italktofish]

It's EXACTLY what you think it is!

Voice

[icy_heavens]

What the hell do you think you're doing? [Arthur, how did you survive to adulthood?]

Voice

[italktofish]

I think I'm SOLVING OUTRAGEOUS MYSTERIES!

[Voice]

[espigeonage]

Oh, hell, no. Arthur. Let that thing sleep!

[Voice]

[italktofish]

But I've been looking for it THIS WHOLE TIME I've been in Vegas!

[Voice]

[dominateartimus]

Arthur, don't engage it. [That's an order.] You don't know what it can do and taking it on by yourself would be foolish.

[Voice]

[italktofish]

I'm not TAKING IT ON! Or OFFERING IT AN ENGAGEMENT RING!

video;

[starlightheart]

[ ...head...tilt... ]

You can talk underwater?

[ Natalie, that's not what's important here. ]

video;

[italktofish]

Sure, I can talk underwater! I can BREATHE underwater--talking just comes NATURALLY!

[Video]

[belphe]

[Despite the fact she is nowhere near Las Vegas, just the sight of the massive lobster-thing gives her goosebumps]

Can it even understand you...? Maybe you shouldn't upset it.

[Video]

[italktofish]

Well, it's not awake, but I don't see WHY it wouldn't be able to understand me!

audio

[fridayisyellow]

Woah, that's amazing! Can I come see?

audio

[italktofish]

Sure, if you can SURVIVE UNDERWATER! Or have OUTRAGEOUS DIVING EQUIPMENT!

video

[abhero]

[HOLY SHIT IT'S REAL.]

WHAT'RE YOU DOING GET OUT OF THERE BEFORE IT SNAPS YOU IN HALF AND USES YOUR SPINE AS A TOOTHPICK

video

[italktofish]

Don't worry! I'm a PROFESSIONAL!

[sylvanguard]

[Boy is she glad she isn't in Las Vegas right now.]

Dude, I don't think that thing wan't to be bothered right now. It looks peaceful. [If some kind of crab-monster-hybrid thing could even look peaceful...]

Maybe instead of disturbing it you might... I don't know... evacuate everyone even remotely near it instead?

[italktofish]

But I think I can talk to it so it won't HURT anyone!

[Video]

[charcoalfeather]

[it's just like out of her Japanese animes.]

Stop! Don't do that!

[Who knows what anime powers it could possess!]

[Video]

[italktofish]

Relax! I'm just going to TALK to it!

[Voice]

[gobybessie]

[ --ah.

Holy crap that is a big sea creature. A seriously big sea creature. ]

I'm not sure that's a good idea.

[Voice]

[italktofish]

I'm just going to TALK to it! Not PICK SOME OUTRAGEOUS FIGHT! It'll be PERFECTLY FINE!

[He pauses.]

Even if he's not exactly a wee little lobster.

audio;

[drama8om8]

[ HOLY SHIT DOES THAT EVEN QUALIFY AS A CRAB.

LOBSTER.

CROBSTER. ]

Oh my god it looks like some kind of cave demon.

audio;

[italktofish]

But it's OUTRAGEOUS! Too OUTRAGEOUS to be a DEMON!

audio;

[wirsinddiejager]

Oh my god, don't wake it up. If you do, I... I don't think you'll be leaving that place alive.

audio;

[italktofish]

I'll just TALK to it! It's not like it's going to EAT me!

[Gee, network, when did you all get to be such worrywarts?]

[Audio]

[professorwolf]

[That is alarming. That is very alarming. So is what Arthur is doing.]

Arthur... please remember what happened when someone woke the creature here. Half the city was in shambles.

[Part of him thinks that if someone could have spoken with Wise Snake, maybe it might have gone differently... but he's also just been fired and is currently very unemployed, so he's a little less optimistic than usual.]

[Audio]

[italktofish]

But I can TALK to this one! I couldn't talk to THAT one! Lobsters are MUCH DIFFERENT from snakes!

[moreweaponsthanyou]

I'm going to join in all those who are TELLING YOU not to wake it up. Even if you only just want to talk to it.

Look, if someone very rudely yelled at your ear in the middle of the night to wake up, would you be in a good mood? I know I wouldn't.

[italktofish]

I'm not RUDELY YELLING! I'm just ASKING IT TO BE FRIENDS!

audio

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Oh. Look. The giant lobster is actually real. Just the last thing any of us need right now.

[ And now for the important thing. ] You better not wake that thing up! Vegas is already a mess as it is, we don't need that thing destroying everything too!

[ She barely has enough energy left in her to be terrified of this thing now. Not after everything else that had already happened or could possibly happen (like, say, a DRAGON). ]

audio

[italktofish]

But I can talk to it and keep it calm and have it NOT flip out!

[Look, he was just really excited over finding this thing, and now everyone's raining on his parade. Party poopers.]

[Audio]

[dead_black_eyes]

Arthur, you need to shut up.

[Audio]

[italktofish]

It's okay--I'M A PROFESSIONAL FISH-TALKER!

Video; Sorry late!

[buildyourworld]

[ What the hell?!

What the hell is that?!

Holy crap. ]

Shit! Arthur, no! Don't wake it up!

Video; no worries!

[italktofish]

But I FINALLY FOUND IT!

[Consequences? Consequences are for people who aren't insanely excited.]

[seed_of_memory]

... Hn.

Thank you for reporting this, Mr. Curry. But I hope you are taking everyone's advice and showing caution...

[italktofish]

[There's a petulant sigh.]

I'm NOT waking it up, if THAT'S what you mean!

video

[umbrael]

[so flustered he just mashed buttons on his phone and whoops now we're on facetime! Enjoy a lot of flailing and gawping expressions! For a moment he in fact looks like a fish out of water.]

fsuh fuwh fugbulea fucgod jeSUS SHIT hoLY FWUGUH FFUCKING DON'T TOUCH IT!!!!

video

[italktofish]

Easy there, chum! I haven't touched it! And even if I DID, I'm not STUPID ENOUGH TO PULL THE ANTENNAE!