Dated to June 7th

[pheromonecoffee]

[Matt Abbot sits before you today in a spinny desk chair, illuminated by his laptop screen. If you thought Matt couldn’t get dumber, you were wrong. You were very wrong. He is making good on his threats of stupidity so over the top they’re impossible to believe. Today Matt is wearing a surprisingly well made masquerade-style eye mask, black with a diagonal cut of blue over his left eye. And he is also wearing a surprising well made collared cape, black with a blue lining. He is also just wearing generally nice clothing under it because you can totally dress like a supervillain and still be stylish.

He steeples his fingers, a sly(ish) smile on his face.]

Greetings, Numbered. As I have been recently freed from the mortal prison of mandatory education, I am now free to pursue any future I wish. … Until August because I have already paid my tuition deposit.

But until August, Locke City, you are being watched. I will be your worst nightmare. I will be a supervillain the likes of which none of you have ever seen before. Such dastardly deeds as speaking in a fake New Jersey accent, directing tourists to the wrong streets and ripping tags off mattresses will happen on the streets every day for as long as I remain in its borders. I will accomplish all my good deeds by questionable means, causing me to become a terrible menace who will puzzle philosophy majors because no one can tell if I'm actually being a bad person. [He leans back in his chair, doing his best to look mysterious and dangerous.]

My first dastardly deed will be a kidnapping. Next Monday, June 16th, I will be kidnapping one of your number, heroes, and taking him with me to Las Vegas. If you wish to guarantee his safety, there is room for two others to accompany us on our cross-country trip. If you wish to ensure his safe return to New Jersey, then you may contact me and we will discuss plans.

[And with that the video turns off. However, Matt is still going, typing. He’s posting a selfie, too, of him in graduation robes. He’s got the National Honor Society gold graduation stole and everything.]

Graduation’s next weekend, too. My parents and my aunt and uncle are the reason I can take the trip--the car’s a graduation thing. Being serious for a second, though, if you want to come, the car is big enough that it won’t be an awful trip. Leaving the 16th at 8AM. If you’re under 18, I need parental permission. I’ll text you my number.

Comments

voice

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

[ Oh. Well... okay. That puts things in perspective. At least, with what's going on here, anyway. ]

Resident dumbass, huh? Okay. That makes a bit more sense. So... you're kidnapping someone and dragging them over here to Vegas?

Re: voice

[pheromonecoffee]

Yeah, but I made sure I got permission first.

voice

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

[ Okay, now she's giggling. ]

Well, you're definitely the worst supervillain ever. I guess as long as you're all having fun and nothing serious is happening, it's not that bad.

Re: voice

[pheromonecoffee]

Fun is the name of the game. You don't want bored heroes on your hands, trust me.

voice

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Well, I'm going to have to take your word for it there. You know, since I'm new and I have no experience with heroes at all.

[pheromonecoffee]

I've seen these people eat entire cakes. [Matt you dared them to.]

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

... Because they were bored? That was the only reason?

[pheromonecoffee]

... Also because I invited them to and told them I'd do one free dare.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Okay. I guess that pretty much does translate into "because they were bored". Unless they managed to get you to do someone so stupid that it would be totally worth it, I guess.

[pheromonecoffee]

I had to dress up in a lobster suit and hit on women for an afternoon.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

[ That... what?

Linda's giggling at that. A lot. ]

Okay, no offense, but that TOTALLY sounds worth it.

[pheromonecoffee]

I looked good in a lobster suit. I did not get any takers, but that was because I was being a creep and hitting on women I don't know.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Yeah. That usually doesn't get you a date with a girl.

Though if you want me to agree with you on how you look in the lobster suit, you're going to have to put it on for me so I can see you in it.

[pheromonecoffee]

[... He pauses, holds up a finger signaling to wait a moment, and pulls out his phone.

And sends her the selfie of him in a lobster suit. He does not look bothered in the picture at all.]

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

[ Wait. Wait. Did he just seriously...

Oh god. He did.

Yeah, Linda's bursting out into a completely gigglefit now. Good job Matt, good job. ]

[pheromonecoffee]

I looked good in the suit.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

For a certain definition of "good", anyway.

[pheromonecoffee]

Don't deny it. It was as good as it gets in a lobster suit.
=

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Okay, okay. You were definitely the best looking guy in a lobster suit ever. I'll give you that much.

[pheromonecoffee]

Thank you. I appreciate being appreciated.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

[ She's not sure if it's really being appreciated, at least from her, but whatever. ]

So... umm... on another topic, what's your name?

[pheromonecoffee]

What kind of supervillain do you think I am?! [There is so much mock offense here.]

Matt Abbot, actually.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Going by that picture you just sent me? A lobster themed one.

[ Well, this sure went a bit unexpectedly, didn't it. ]

I'm Linda Hidaka. It's nice to meet you, Matt.

[pheromonecoffee]

You, too. It's not that easy for new people to adjust, so if you need any help, just let me kno.

[sunshinethatwarmsherup]

Thanks. I have a feeling I'm going to need the help.

... And speaking of help, maybe I can meet up with you and your friends when you get here. I mean, we're in this whole thing together, right?

[ Linda. You didn't even know him yet. This is the opposite of being careful like you should be doing. ]