savetheearth | ( one ) smartphone / video

[ Eriks doesn't know why he puts the number into his phone. It's been a constant presence at the back of his head for a good week now, sure, but he's made an art out of ignoring it. No, more accurately, he doesn't notice he's put the number into his phone until his thumb has already done it: having already scrolled through everything that needs reading in the morning (work emails, the news, Tumblr of course—), he's left with nothing to do but fidget. And fidget he does, right into a goldmine of information that his bosses would skin a man for.

He forgets all about the eggs cooking on the stove and deposits himself in a kitchen chair, skim reading like no one has ever skim read before. Watches a few videos, follows a few links, listens to a few audio posts, and gleans too much and too little all at once. He can already tell his nights will be occupied with plenty of reading material for many weeks to come. Sleep? Not anymore, bud.

Still... reading is one thing. Watching is another. But conversation is absolutely indispensable, and he needs to talk with these people. But he needs to approach it carefully. Delicately. And, from the looks of things, not mention that whole 'with the Feds' thing.

With this in mind, he flips his phone camera to video, puts on his best charming smile, and initiates First Contact with exactly as much seriousness as he should. ]

Ladies and gentlemen, hello! I admit my disappointment that this isn't the beautiful, mysterious barista's phone number I thought it was, since I was pretty sure I memorized it. I guess she gave me a fake number, after all...

But here's the good news: this eligible bachelor has just become available in your undercover supernatural neighborhood! I enjoy long walks on the beach and extended discourse on the virtues of life and love. Hours of illuminating conversation are 100% free of charge, and there's even a platonic package available for the less daring. Inquire within for further details.

[ A beat, as black smoke billows from the abandoned frying pan behind him. He doesn't turn, doesn't even shift, but there's a brief second of tragicomedy in his expression when the smell of eggs-cum-charcoal hits his nose. How long has he been... ah, hell.

Composure utterly unwavering, ]

—And whoever recommends the best diner will receive a limited edition free coffee! Act now while supplies last; you'd be a fool to pass this one up, folks!

I apologize for the (exciting) interruption and you may now return to your usual programming.

[ Gives a winning smile as the video goes off — and then topples the chair (and very nearly the table) in his scramble to deal with what was once his breakfast.

Quite the catch, ladies and gentlemen, don't miss out!! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Short-staffed, I see... The economy is pretty rough right now.

[ A DRAMATIC SIGH ]

Don't worry, kid, I can fill in the lavish praise and salutation with the unending power of imagination.

Edited (whoops) 2014-04-09 02:43 (UTC)

[... The hell does he even say to that? He's glad he's not using video, because there's a brief baffled look before me manages to puzzle that much out.]

Sure you could spare the time for that? I'd think being a fed is a pretty time-consuming job.

[ —GRK. So this must be one of the numbered kids they've been cross-examining. And here he thought he'd been stealthy. ]

These are some wild conclusions you're drawing here. "Eligible bachelor" and "fed" don't even sound alike at all!

Should I enunciate better?

[The chilly reception make a little more sense now, Eriks? Never underestimate the observational powers of a hypervigilant twelve-year-old.]

I heard you fine. My conclusion isn't based on that.

[ He can guess what the conclusion is based on at this point, and he'd rather it not be said aloud more than once. Or ever. ]

[ Feigning ignorance like a champ, ] Look, kid, I think you're mixing me up with some other devilishly suave and handsome gentleman.

Uh-huh. [Can you hear the sarcasm? Can you?]

[ Yes he can. Which is why he responds by pretending be completely oblivious to it. ]

Though... I'm not sure how I feel about having that kind of competition hanging around.

Do me a favor and kick him in the shin if you see him again, alright?

[ This request surely won't backfire at all. ]

[... Is this guy seriously that stupid? Is he? Aren't there intelligence tests or something for federal agents?]

[Flatly:] I might just do that.

[ Yes. Yes this was deFINITELY A GOOD IDEA ]

Good on you! That makes you my assistant in Anti-doppelganger Disaster Avoidance, or ADA.

This is important stuff, be sure to put it on your resume someday.

[... How is somebody this stupid even still alive, let alone working for the FBI? Those exams must be really easy.]

[This might be the sound of a facepalm. Just maybe.] Right, I'll make a note of that.

[There is seriously no way he isn't kicking this guy if they meet again. It has become a necessity because of the stupidity alone.]

[she recognizes the voice, since... the kid is pretty distinctive.]

I will give you ten bucks if you actually do it.

[... Whatever.]

I'd do it for free. [The guy is such an idiot that he needs to be kicked. It's a public service.]

[damn, she kind of likes this kid.]

I'm glad to hear it.

His stupidity kind of demands it at this point. I wasn't even trying to make him think I actually bought that story.

Yeah, I can only hope he's better at covering when he's actually working. [because this is sad.]

( one ) smartphone / video

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

Voice

text; private

voice; private

text; private

voice; private

voice; private