savetheearth | nine sick, disgusting thoughts

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nine sick, disgusting thoughts | text

Holy crap, this month has been busy. I don't even have any poorly tasting mortician jokes to throw at you, numbers club. That's how you know it's been rough.

I guess we're not so secret anymore? I don't even know. I'm trying to keep my status as a member of this thing secret since I still work for the city and all. Not like it's been easy with all these FBI agents swarming around. I'm lucky nobody's tried running me through one of those full-body scans, huh? That'd be a huge red light.

Speaking of huge lights, if you're new to the numbers club, hi! My name's Brooke. I'm a mortician. Most of my work is on the up-and-up, but if past you was undead or anything like that, I can definitely try to help. Things keep going this way and it might be all I do. Anyway, look, sorry I've been gone for so long and sorry I couldn't help much in that big fight. I'm just... glad that I didn't recognize any of the decedents.

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You, out of jokes? Wow, things have changed around here while I was gone.

Hey, I can't be on all the time. How have you been, Luce?

But that's one of the Network's constants! Magic powers, snakes and Brooke's flawless sense of humor!

[She chuckles a little.]

I'm all right. It feels good to be back, and I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. There's a lot to catch up on.

Jeez, are those FBI agents really doing stuff like that to everyone?

I know it's for safety reasons but...that's just...starting to get really creepy!

Flawless? Man. You're giving me too much credit! But I'm glad I'm one of the constants around here, at least in one person's eyes.

You're telling me. I was only gone for a month and I still feel like I missed the end of the world. Metaphorically. Probably.

No idea if that's something they're actually doing, but I work for the city morgue, so I've seen a lot of them around lately. I think they tend to think I'm too creepy to bother me much.

Wait, are they doing that? Did it happen to you?

Well, from what the news was saying, it almost was.

With the aftermath I'm dealing with, I'm not surprised. Good work, team. Or... something.

Never really thought "snake-based apocalypse" was on the table when I started posting to this thing.

...That bad? [She had been trying to not pay too much attention to the death count, but one could imagine.]

Yeah, I don't think there's really anything that can prepare you for something like that.

8oy howdy did you ever miss a lot.
A
lot.

A lot.

SO much.

It's not great, no. [sigh] Like I said, I'm just glad I don't recognize any of the people I'm working on. It's easy enough to ignore until I actually get to the office.

Sorry. This got really dark all of a sudden.

What? No! Of course not, I was wondering if they are actually just checking everyone out to see who is on the network or not!

I thought they were doing that! ...They really aren't are they?

Less than you'd think, probably. Care to fill me in, Tav?

Nah, Tav doesn't work.

[is that the smoke alarm

that's the smoke alarm.

Damn it, she thought she was past that. SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO COOK PASTA.

She's just gonna...move that mess of burnt sauce and noodles off of the stove and turn on the kitchen fan. Pop a window.

JUST KEEP DOING WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, BROOKE

SHE'S GOT THIS IN THE BAG.]

Are the undead all that common around here?

Tav is 8ANNED. As is Tavv.
8ut if Tavia is losing its shine you can TOTALLY just call me Mrs. Serket-Hunter!

(Really. For real.)

(You missed a LOTTTTTTTT.)

I don't know, but I don't really want to take that risk. Not getting caught by the FBI is a rule that I try to generally live my life by. It wouldn't surprise me, is all I'm saying. The authorities probably don't think we're too cool, no matter what the rest of the internet might think.

You and Alan got married?

And you didn't invite me? Tavia, that wounds me. That wounds me right in my heart.

It's okay, if you need to talk about it, I'm your girl.

Well, one of them.

That reminds me, how are things going between you and Rachel?

More common than you'd think. At least, they were a month or so ago. I don't know if that thing specifically has changed lately.

We were kind of may8e a tiny 8it intoxic8ted at the time.
Vegas is HELL, 8rooke. It lures you in with its twinkly lights and high-stakes games and hideously expensive 8ut super delicious pina coladas and the next thing you know you have ~*THE WINGS OF FREEDOM*~ tattooed on the 8ack of your neck and a marriage certific8.
And a pile of Elvis jumpsuits. I will 8ring one 8ack just for you! As a souvenir.

[oh god that's the smoke alarm, is the house on fire, she has had too many close ca—oh. oh, it's just Rachel. nice way to be greeted when you're running down the stairs in a hurry.]

You okay, Rach?

Pretty well! We're still together, living together, all that fun stuff. It's nice to have that kind of constant in my life. Hah, there go the constants again.

Of course, I'm glad to have you back around here, too. Wouldn't be quite the same without you here. Why did you end up leaving, anyway? I don't think I ever asked.

Wait, wait, you're in VEGAS? But you're not even old enough to drink ye--

oh, right. The mind control. Well, congratulations, Mrs. Serket-Hunter. Kind of surprised you kept your name, though. This way it makes it sound like you're hunting yourself down.

[She blinks, looking up and nodding. This is more than a little embarrassing.]

I'm fine, Brooke. Dinner... not so much. I'm better than I used to be, but... [she sighs in annoyance, scratching the back of her head and looking back at what had been, at some point, edible tortellini.]

Well. [she turns her head back to give Brooke a look, smiling wryly.]

You want to break out the Chinese menus, or do you have a different idea?

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