savetheearth | handwritten text;

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[Alan's previous text posts have always been from his sketchbook and thus surrounded with drawings and doodles. This one has been written on a blank page and looks weirdly empty in comparison, especially since the post itself is so short.]

during the snake thing if you saw a titan running around randomly breaking shit that was me. I lost control and didnt know what I was doing. sorry if I got any of you guys hurt.

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Nuh-uh! If I was carrying like. A tray with a bunch of steak knives on it and I tripped over accidentally and one went through your foot, even though I was trying to be super careful, would it be my fault? No! It would be an accident. Learn the blame rules, Alan. Or people will take advantage!

Wouldn't it be pretty dumb to carry around a traful of steak knives in the first place, though?

[ SIGH... ]

Imagine I echoed them back. I echoed back a giant fucking tray of steak knives. I was fairy pirate steak-cutting Jesus.

That's still kind of a terrible metaphor.

I DON'T CARE ALAN THE POINT IS THAT IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT YOU COULDN'T HAVE KNOWN WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AND MY METAPHORS ARE AMAZING.

Wanna go break stuff?

Yes.

Then you are going to fucking love one of the echoes I got from the dumb alien shit. But I guess Ukemom will get mad if we break stuff here, so...

[ WELP. Opening a window. LOVELY WEATHER FOR FLYING, ISN'T IT ]

Business district? I can show you where me and Wally got stuck.

[He hesitates a little. It's so weird not having to hide anymore. But...]

Sounds good. I mean. Not the stuck part but. You know.

[ Hesitation noted. She hops onto the windowsill, topples outside and the rises back up to the window with her arms outstretched. ]

I'll fly high up, okay. And if anybody shady spots us I will fly away instead of being badass and brave and stupid. I promise! Fairy's honour.

Awesome.

[Stepping out into her arms then! So romantic.]

The flying thing's still really cool too, by the way.

I know, right? Cool and super convenient. Here goes!

[ PCHOOOOOOOO! She soars through the air towards their destination with all the grace and majesty of eight eagles stuck together with glitter glue. While singing this. Badly.

Unless Alan is feeling particularly schmoopy and/or deaf, it's probably a relief when they touch down by the ruined building. Octavia instantly starts picking her way through the rubble by the door to make her way inside. ]

[Omg Octavia you are the schmoopiest. Even Alan isn't feeling quite that schmoopy so yes, it is a relief when she stops. Alan follows her a little more slowly. He got a good look at the district up from the air, and wow it looks even worse than he remembered.]

C'mon! Hurry your cutie ass up!

[ She's calling from the top of the basement stairs, indicating a partially-smashed wall as she does so. ]

Down here. See the broken bit? The rubble blocked the door after Wally took me down here so we couldn't get out. But, uh, I'm pretty sure the snake did that! Not you.

[He follows her down, still a little uneasy.]

That's something at least. How long were you guys stuck down there?

Iunno. A few hours? We missed the whole fight. It's hard to tell time when your phone's kind of crushed! Haha.

[ GET IT, IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE ALAN DID IT!!!!!!!!

She starts ejecting fucking everything from her sylladex. She's been captchaloguing a lot of useless shit in preparation for this. Some of the eight balls that're spilling out of hammerspace? CONTAIN NOTHING BUT DUST MOTES.

There's a fuckhuge pile of them on the floor by the time she's done. She surveys it fondly - that would be so comfy to sleep on - for a second before another two eight-balls appear in her hands. One of them is carefully tossed towards Alan. ]

Catch!

[HOLY SHIT WHAT EIGHT BALLS OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE????

SO MUCH BOGGLING but at least he manages to catch the one she throws him.]

...Where were you keeping those?

Wherever you're thinking? Not there. I got back Vriska's videogame inventory bullshit! Don't ask me how it works because I don't even know.

[ She smashes the eight-ball in her hand by throwing it on the ground. VOILA: a baseball bat. ]

Break yours! I brought you one too. For smashing with. I am all about the smash-efficiency.

Weird.

[But awesome. Throwing his ball to the floor too. SMASH!!!]

Weird, or the coolest echo I ever got? We get to break stuff! Lots of stuff! Without pissing anybody off or -

[ she picks up her baseball bat, tosses an eight-ball into the air and smashes it satisfyingly against the basement wall. ]

- hurting anybody. Because that's bad and junk.

I'd say it's weird and cool.

[just going to grab an eight ball and step on it. multiple times.]

Like us, r--

[ EXCUSE HER A SECOND. ECHO. An echo that. Seems to do nothing? Fuck those, man. ]

...right?

[ She pats herself down in case of new appendages. NOTHING. ]

Uh. Echo. Check my other eye didn't split for me?

Uh. Yeah.

[Watching her while casually still stepping on the pieces of that last ball.

And then coming a little closer to check her eye?]

Doesn't look any different.

[ FURTHER INSPECTION NECESSARY. Just give her a minute to run her tongue across her teeth to check for fangs, pick at the cut on her lip to see if her blood is blue, and peer down her shirt just in case.

Nope. Nothing. She shrugs lightly. ]

Whatever. Guess I'll have to wait and see what it did! Like when I became immortal.

[ Another eight-ball gets shattered against the floor. ]

Kind of immortal.

...What do you mean, kind of?

When you--

[ Nope ]

-- couldn't control your titan and I died, I remembered that it happened before. Somebody important being the one who, uh. Did the whole. Thingy. And that time I didn't come back. Which is why Vriska ain't still alive and I get to be here, I guess!

[ The next eight-ball just gets tossed in the air and caught again. WOW LOOKING AT IT SURE IS INTERESTING. ]

So basically if I die heroically, or as a villain? Poof! Gone for good. Super dead. Hella dead. No backsies.

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