savetheearth | 2nd ♒ Video+Text

[The feed turns on, and it certainly is the resident hipster in view. He's sitting at a desk of some sort, and behind him looks like a bedroom. Probably his. ~~Ignore the Harry Potter-like paraphernalia or whatever closest analogue to that it would be~~.]

So.

[Brilliant start. He rests his chin on the back of his hand, his elbow resting against the surface of the desk as he stares into the feed. There's a slight upward curl of his lips.]

In light a the grim news that seems to be happenin' recently on this network, I figured you lot needed a quick change a pace. Maybe, you need to find yourself at a do. Some right social gatherin' a sorts, you see the most important day a the year is upon us, which likely none of you knew about.

[He waves his other hand dismissively.]

Ain't no one gonna fault you for that though. Comin' the thirteenth it's my birthday, and I figure why not kill two birds with one bleedin' stone? I'm gonna be throwin' one hell of a soiree AND I would like to get myself acquainted further with my fellow numbers club members. Brill, ain't it?

You won't want to miss this shit, and I've even been so generous to celebrate it on the fifteenth for all you people who work weekday jobs or have school and suchlike. Those a your work work weekend jobs better ask off. I'm givin' you over a week to do so. Besides, the fourthteenth I'm sure we'll all be busy anyway. I know I will be.

[No he won't.]

ANY-FUCKIN'-WAY, check the text document attached below for more deets on the whole thing. As I said, you won't want to miss this, an' if you do, well you're be left regrettin' it for the rest a your miserable life. Honestly.

[A pause as he reaches to turn off the feed, his hands stopping.]

Oh, and don't forget to bring me somethin' nice.

[Aaaand with that, he cuts the feed, and attaches the text document below:]

~Ampora Birthday Soiree Deets~

WHO

YOU, unless you're on the uninvited list, see below

WHAT

A fucking amazing party, don't you dare miss it. Also don't forget any swimwear, we have a indoor pool

WHEN

February 15th 5pm-whenever

WHERE
[ENTER ADDRESS HERE]

WHY

My fucking birthday and a general means to get socialized with my fellow numbers club members.

HOW

By getting off your lazy asses and showing up. Also, I ain't expecting this to be no FORMAL event, but try not to look like trash. We won't be welcoming some dirty looking vagrants into our home.

UNINVITED

Octavia Serket, her slack-jawed knuckle dragging boyfriend, clowns

[Look at that, when he's trying to be informative, he can type with proper grammar. That private school he's going to isn't for nothing! Amazing.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

its an expression stupid but i guess someone who cant afford a proper education cant be blamed for their stupidity
its not somethin i contemplate its just somethin that coincides with bein a whore
its like fish and water they just go together naturally and without you havin to think about it because its a natural constant
like your massive "girl place" and bein a dirty tramp
its common sense

Siiiiiiiigh. You and your virgin logic!
So innocent. SO misguided.
8oinking one person ever =/= 8eing a dirty tramp!
8ut I guess me doing one guy must seem like a WORLD of experience when compared to you. So I will forgive you! Aww. ::::)

yeah because im sure its been one guy EVER
bullshit i know your type
you probably got like five dudes on the side dont even lie

My type?
You know a LOT of fairy Jesus girls????????
I would have to 8e HELLS of sneaky to have any8ody on the side just fyi since me and Alan are in hiding together and 8asically around each other almost all the time.

no
loudmouth skanks who think theyre hotter shit than they are
how hard could it HONESTLY be to trick a retard
honestly you could probably fuck a dude on his back and hed be none the wiser with his stellar intellect

HE IS SM8RT OK8Y. And I don't WANT to trick Alan or 8ang other dudes! Duh.
He keeps me happy all 8y himself! Or w8. Is that what you were fishing for here?
You want the deets? To compens8 for your own deplora8le lack of 8oinkage in your life?
Get your fap material ELSEWHERE. WOW.

wow you really want me to think of you as sexually appealin dont you
kinda fuckin sad tbh
look i have NO interest in gettin details about how a whore and retard get down like theyre growin an extra chromosome ok
though im sure alan has enough extra chromosomes for everyone on the network

Yes. Yes I do. I am DESPER8 for you to 8e all up in my metaphorical grill.
8ecause I want you SO 8AD, oh virginliest of virgins! Unf. Who could possi8ly resist you????????
8ut alas. I am just a whore! An ugly whore, I guess? Which kind of 8egs questions a8out how the fuck I allagedly get so much 8usiness when I am so hideous, 8ut what can I say.
It is a mystery! A mystery that only Lord Virgin can uncover.