savetheearth | 2nd ♒ Video+Text

[The feed turns on, and it certainly is the resident hipster in view. He's sitting at a desk of some sort, and behind him looks like a bedroom. Probably his. ~~Ignore the Harry Potter-like paraphernalia or whatever closest analogue to that it would be~~.]

So.

[Brilliant start. He rests his chin on the back of his hand, his elbow resting against the surface of the desk as he stares into the feed. There's a slight upward curl of his lips.]

In light a the grim news that seems to be happenin' recently on this network, I figured you lot needed a quick change a pace. Maybe, you need to find yourself at a do. Some right social gatherin' a sorts, you see the most important day a the year is upon us, which likely none of you knew about.

[He waves his other hand dismissively.]

Ain't no one gonna fault you for that though. Comin' the thirteenth it's my birthday, and I figure why not kill two birds with one bleedin' stone? I'm gonna be throwin' one hell of a soiree AND I would like to get myself acquainted further with my fellow numbers club members. Brill, ain't it?

You won't want to miss this shit, and I've even been so generous to celebrate it on the fifteenth for all you people who work weekday jobs or have school and suchlike. Those a your work work weekend jobs better ask off. I'm givin' you over a week to do so. Besides, the fourthteenth I'm sure we'll all be busy anyway. I know I will be.

[No he won't.]

ANY-FUCKIN'-WAY, check the text document attached below for more deets on the whole thing. As I said, you won't want to miss this, an' if you do, well you're be left regrettin' it for the rest a your miserable life. Honestly.

[A pause as he reaches to turn off the feed, his hands stopping.]

Oh, and don't forget to bring me somethin' nice.

[Aaaand with that, he cuts the feed, and attaches the text document below:]

~Ampora Birthday Soiree Deets~

WHO

YOU, unless you're on the uninvited list, see below

WHAT

A fucking amazing party, don't you dare miss it. Also don't forget any swimwear, we have a indoor pool

WHEN

February 15th 5pm-whenever

WHERE
[ENTER ADDRESS HERE]

WHY

My fucking birthday and a general means to get socialized with my fellow numbers club members.

HOW

By getting off your lazy asses and showing up. Also, I ain't expecting this to be no FORMAL event, but try not to look like trash. We won't be welcoming some dirty looking vagrants into our home.

UNINVITED

Octavia Serket, her slack-jawed knuckle dragging boyfriend, clowns

[Look at that, when he's trying to be informative, he can type with proper grammar. That private school he's going to isn't for nothing! Amazing.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You didn't deny owning a 8low-up doll.

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME
i dont own one of those either
fuck

So you own TWO?

i dont own ANY

Then you 8n't even lost your fakey-fake 8low-up plastic virginity?
I'm almost sorry for you right now. ::::C

oh my GOD i have lost my virginity SHUT UP

I demand a corro8or8ting witness.

im not about to tell you who
they dont need you harrassin them about shit that really AINT ANY A YOUR FUCKIN BUSINESS TO START WITH

[In otherwords, "they" don't exist.]

Virgin confirmed!!!!!!!!
Don't worry. I promise not to go 8la88ing to every8ody!
Intentionally. I mean I might accidentally let it slip, 8y accident. Like 8 times.

that doesnt confirm ANYTHIN
youll be spreadin nothin but lies but that seems to be a thing you DO anyway so WHATEVER

Rude! The num8er of lies I tell are negligi8le at the most.
8ut seriously! Don't sweat it. I will at least keep the inform8tion to myself until a super appropri8tely dramatic moment.
So your horri8ly em8arrassing secret will stay just that! For like at LEAST a few days.

its not a secret because THERE IS NO SECRET im not a flippin VIRGIN god
why the fuck do you care about whether ive gotten my dick wet before jesus christ
why does it ACTUALLY matter
spoiler: IT DOESNT

So it doesn't matter that you're a tiny 8a8y virgin, 8ut it DOES matter that I did the do with a dude and am now a filthy whoooooooore?
It is like we have moved from dou8le standards to like. OCTUPLE standards! So many magnitudes of 8ullshit.

it doesnt matter because IM NOT ONE
god its like you got the thickest skull EVER you dont listen or READ anythin
again aint believin youve done it ONLY with one dude

So I don't 8elieve you and you don't 8elieve me.
Aww. We match!
8ut my 8oyfriend 8elieves the truth! And pretty much every8ody around here would 8elieve me over you ANYWAY.
So I guess what you think doesn't matter, Captain Virgin! ::::)

eugh whatEVER
it will just serve as a weedin out process for me
if anyone is dumb enough to believe whatever verbal garbage that falls out of that filthy trap of yours then i am better off not associatin with them

Then you're going to 8e HELLS of lonely here, wow.
I am kind of a 8ig deal! Irons in every fire. Incredi8ly popular! You know the deal.
(Obviously it is 8ecause of my "toler8 talking to me for 8 minutes, get a free handjo8" policy. What with the whoring.)

[That phrase... kinda makes him remember something that leaves him a little ill. Something along the lines of him once being the 'hottest iron in her fire', and he really just... doesn't want to think about that. Gross.]

ok i think im done with this whole exchange
because i dont care and i really dont want to have you triggerin echos all damn day shits annoyin

You don't like echoes? ::::C
Man, that sucks. It sure would 8e awful if I triggered more 8y accideKARKAT TAVROS SOLLUX EQUIUS GAM FEFERI JOHN MEGIDO DEMON LORD ENGLISH!!!!!!!!

you missed my first name there
aradia megido

8ecause I didn't know it!
I mean it wasn't printed on your fists or anything.

(lol)

we seemed to have an odd aversion to using proper names in those chatlogs for some reason
so i am not surprised

(no subject)

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[YOU ARE SUCH A BIIIIIITCH. Yep, he definitely echoes back some shit about ALL OF THOSE NAMES. And he nearly doesn't respond... but then he'd look like a coward or like he was backing down and HE CANNOT HAVE THAT.]

congratulations you are the fuckin queen of all bitches for doin shit that is downright fuckin NEEDLESS
so do you just get some sick enjoyment outta causin echoes in people or what?

Wow. So suspicious of my pure and no8le motives!
Echoes are USEFUL. I am helping!
God for8id I leave poor little new8ies to flounder 8y themselves and just remain lamey-lame losers all their lives. You should thank me!

im skeptical at BEST that that was anythin for my own benefit
or that youd help me at all so im withholdin my thanks

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yerawizarderi - 2014-02-13 17:49 (UTC) - Expand

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