[text]

[synonymouswithdookie]

HEY so some of you probably don't remember me which is GREAT because I kind of ignore most of you assholes anyway. I don't know if this is like common knowledge yet since LIKE I SAID I basically try to ignore you for the most part and pretend that none of this shit EXISTS, but I guess the police have magic dogs that can pick us out from people who aren't walking freak shows? WHICH IS AWESOME, RIGHT? I bet it was all over the network at some point, but I'm 100% a giant moron and pretty much never look, so long story short A MAGIC DOG GOT ME and some shitty dickhead cop motherfucker with an ugly face and a big butt arrested me. Did I mention he's an asshole because he is absolutely the biggest asshole fuck him.

Good news is I'm not in jail anymore, hooray for me, right? "BUT RAY HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF JAIL WHEN THEY KNOW YOU'RE ONE OF US :( ?" you may be wondering. Or maybe you don't give a fuck. Well listen up motherfuckers because you're ABOUT to give SUCH a fuck.

I may or may not have completely agreed to act as an informant for the people that want us dead soooooooo that's a thing that's happening now. Detective Slenderman or whatever wants NAMES and I don't want to be DEAD so he's getting his goddamn names.

Now don't worry, I'm not a complete asshole. I'm not going to charge right up to the fucker and sell all of you out, but I can only give the guy fake names and bullshit for so long before he starts catching on and sends the murder patrol to my front door. SO HERE'S HOW THIS IS GOING TO WORK (it probably won't work but I like to pretend to be optimistic): I need volunteers. I need actual REAL LEGIT NAMES to give this dude. Yes that would make life harder for you and YES it would be a giant pain in the ass but maybe we can think of a way to make this work to our advantage somehow? OR you can all just tell me to fuck off and worst case scenario only I have to become dead because I'd rather do that than get anyone else killed. Still though I'd prefer to be ALIVE.

PS: As a general rule, if you're not old enough to drink you're not old enough to volunteer for something this goddamn stupid so you dumbass teenagers can just fuck right off. At the very least nobody's going to be able to accuse me of getting kids mixed up in this.

PPS: I KNOW, I'M A MORON, I GET IT, I'M SORRY, ETC. SHIT HAPPENS, DEAL WITH IT.

Comments

text;

[hollowleg]

i eat everything. i just need to find out where they keep them.

I WILL NOT CHILL OUT, YOU FUCKED UP BIG TIME AND I AM NOT GONNA DIE FOR YOUR FUCKUPS

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

well since it seems like i'm going to be making regular trips to the police station ANYWAY i can always keep my eye out for weird shit like that

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DIE SHUT THE FUCK UP

text;

[hollowleg]

good. make yourself useful and figure out where their kennels are. I can do the rest.

BUT WHAT IF I DO

[the bipolar nature of this conversation is astounding]

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

bitch don't tell me what to do i'll get to it when i get to it

WELL IF YOU DO IT WON'T BE MY FAULT BECAUSE I'M NOT TELLING THEM ANYTHING

[YEP pretty much]

text;

[hollowleg]

dumbass the sooner you get to it the sooner I can destroy those dogs and the safer everyone will be.

WELL GOOD!!!

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

point taken. I'll keep you updated.

YES IT'S WONDERFUL ISN'T IT

text;

[hollowleg]

that'll at least somewhat make up for your epic idiocy here

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

honestly though i want to make those fuckers regret not shooting me on the spot. let's hunt some dogs, motherfucker.

text;

[hollowleg]

and string them up by their entrails in front of the station.

lets send them a message

[SHIRO WHEN DID YOU GET SO GROSS]

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

...That's a little gross but I kind of like it.

[DAW JUST DAWWW]

text;

[hollowleg]

you know what else is gross

killing our people.

so fuck them.

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

that's super gross. and super fuck them.

SEE, THIS IS WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR, SOME KIND OF PLANNING. you're the best

text;

[hollowleg]

t's a shame cause the dogs are really innocent victims here too but... this is war. war isn't without casualties. mn maybe detective slenderman should be next on our list. capture and interrogate HIM.

tch. just don't actually turn anyone in ok?

text; tiny lil taviajack don't mind me

[drama8om8]

If you ever go after Sherman I get to 8e in on it even if I am only used as 88.

 

I mean used as BAIT.

text; whoops sorry more jacking

[wirsinddiejager]

you are not getting used as bait.

text;

[drama8om8]

You 8n't the 8oss of me no matter HOW anime your eyes are 8ro

text; y helo thar

[hollowleg]

you'd be great bait.

gr8 88.

text;

[drama8om8]

Gratuitous 8s! Yessssssss. <33333333
I KNEW you would see I am 8eing sensi8le here! Plus if you agree to GUARANTEE to use me as 88 (haha), when I get my loot pile 8ack I will give you HELLS OF GOLD. Magical disappearing gold that you will have to spend fast I guess! 8ut still GOLD.
(And I already have plans on how to get it 8ack! So many plans. All the plans. Too many plans to deal with! I have so many irons in the fire YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.)

text;

[wirsinddiejager]

NO SHE WOULDNT.

joins the jack party

[earnedmystripes]

tell me you guys arent actually going after sherman that is fucking crazy

he's not human and we don't even know what he's capable of and did I mention that's FUCKING CRAZY?????

fuck

[hollowleg]

neither am I

[drama8om8]

Lol. "Fucking crazy" is legitim8tely my middle name, dude.

(Ok it 8n't, 8ut it DOES 8egin with an F so I guess it half counts)

 

(You don't get to know what my middle name actually IS though)

 

 

(They're not 8roadcasting THAT on the news right oh my god fuck everything I h8 my stupid life)

[synonymouswithdookie]

yolo?

text;

[synonymouswithdookie]

Yeah, I know how war works.I'm certainly not opposed to dragging that asshole out.

I can't make any promises, though. I'm going to avoid it if I can.

text;

[hollowleg]

fair enough