savetheearth | [video]

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[When the video feed opens, the first thing to note about Alan's appearance is that he is covered in glitter. The second is that he's dressed to clean. The third is that he looks very, very worried.]

Does anyone here know how to get fairy dust off things? Octavia was practicing her flying and...

[He moves aside to show that the glitter is not just on him, the room he's in is also full of it. As he does, he turns his back on the camera, revealing a sparkly handprint on his butt.]

I need to get rid of this before my mom comes back, but it's taking forever. This stuff really sticks to everything. And I never realised how much dust there is everywhere, I'm never gonna get the place clean enough...

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whatever I havent been doing any of those things. JUST LIKE I HAVENT BEEN DOING DRUGS.

Definitely a child, then.
And does that mean you've been spiked with the drugs? You took them unknowingly?

no it means Im not on drugs what is your problem.

You. Being on drugs.

ok fine since you insist

Ellie theres something I need to tell you. something really super important.

All I need is the name.

are you sure youre ready to hear this Ellie. like absolutely 100% certain.

Alan. >:ヘ(

ok ok here it comes.

are you ready

I
AM
NOT
ON
DRUGS

Oh. Why didn't you say so?

idk maybe I thought I wouldnt be listened to.

Why would you get that impression?

who knows it is a mystery.

Let this be a lesson to you.
A lesson to never start doing drugs, or this will happen. :ヘ)

yes this is a lesson I desperately needed because doing drugs is totally a thing that I have considered so many times.

Sarcasm?
I'm shocked. I never took you for the goody-goody type.

youre kidding right. my mom would kill me if I even thought about it.

Your mom sounds like a sensible lady with a healthy interest in keeping you fearful of her wrath, then. I approve. :ヘp

shes a middle school teacher. Im pretty sure making kids fearful of your wrath is the first thing they get taught.

[ butthurt at not being able to become a teacher intensifies ]

But is she scarier than me? Think carefully before answering.

yes. shes bigger than you and i cant kick her ass unlike yours.

About that. I've been meaning to tell you.
I'm actually a titan.

wait what

That was a joke.

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