savetheearth | Thirteenth Message [Video

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Thirteenth Message [Video | Sheet of Paper]

[This is Anthony appearing on the feed.

And this is Anthony looking worse than he's ever looked for anyone who last saw him before this evening. His skin's gone from gray to very dead off-white; his face is riddled with bloody holes, teeth exposed by a missing portion of lip and the corners of his mouth eaten away to something like a ragged, sloppy Glasgow grin; eyes are sunken and bruised brown, thickly-glazed over, and wide.

He's leaning slumped against the wall. His voice is still perfectly recognizable - and for its hush and its hoarseness is hysterical.]

-- I'm sorry... [Painfully, cringingly suppressed.] -- I'm sorry... it's - come off, my - arm's come off, my right arm -- [His right arm is in fact visible in the frame, and not only does it appear to be attached, it's working he's moving as if he doesn't expect he has a right arm and yet it isn't unresponsive. He's not only leaning his right shoulder against a wall, he'sbracing the arm against it.] -- I didn't think it - was actually - going - to come off -- I -- I don't know what -- I -- ...I need --

[Low, wavering voiced groan.] -- Someone -- please, someone help -- ...! Help -- help -- ...

[Breaks off suddenly - with another groan.

Thicker. Partly heaved through the nose - still pained, with a component of exasperation, or offense, or confusion. Not panicked. Something with more outright force or fight. Drops his forehead into - both hands, brought up to meet it.]

This isn't -- really happening -- ...!

[Drags off - again into a profoundly... mortified groan. It lasts between one and two seconds and thins to hoarse, shallow breaths to a stability. That too quiets down further - and Anthony cuts the connection. Takes enough care to keep it off him as he does so. Any replies he makes will come at least half an hour later.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Don't -- don't... [Unless he, like Alex, already is at the time Anthony gives this response, rats...] -- It's finished - I'm fine... -- Sorry, Bakura...

[Apology hasted out with an all-the-more-sorry creak.]

Don't be sorry. Are you home? I'm almost there.

[[and indeed, there's the woosh of cars going by and wind. He's talking while biking.]]

Fine or not fine, I'm still coming over.

[[Because even if he's fine, he's not.]]

[Cars - he is torn between don't talk to me now and please, go on and turn around. What comes out - not even the answer to humor the question (which is yes, of course I am) - is:] - Why -- ?

[He cut it off because he was unsure on what he was asking for the "why" of, exactly, but he realizes in intent it was "Why would you want to", with a self-flustered touch.]

Because you're my friend.

And if I don't just show up at your door you're going to hide away in your room and say nothing but sorry for days.

[He would actually like to continue to argue something in that - on at least one thought. But if Bakura's bent on coming, he'll save it for in-person, not keep him talking as he's bicycling...] ...I am -- home...

Good. I'll see you in about 2 minutes.

[[and good to his word, a few minutes later he slows his bike to a stop in front of where Anthony is staying, pulling the bluetooth earpiece our and taking his number out of his phone before shoving them both in his pocket and locking his bike up.

Knock knock, Anthony.]]

[He doesn't want to get the door. He does not want to get the door. He does not want to enter frame of visibility through the doorway.

He's still frozen in place where he heard the knock. Isn't even looking up for a few seconds, as he feels very nice and out of anyone's sight exactly where he is, thank you very much - with a flash of chill and dizziness, however, he drags himself to the door - limping along, feeling around for support to get him there faster.

Leans a hand on the doorframe once he's there - is just about to unlock it, but no, to be absolutely sure - ]

... -- Who's this - ?

[Anxiously on the high, awkward side.]

[[The long pause gave him a bit of worry. More that Anthony was much worse off than he seemed than that he wouldn't answer.

..though that also had been a possibility.]]

It's me. Bakura.

-- Okay, er. [...He was going to say something, what was it -

...Bah, of course - fidgeting with the lock for a couple of seconds, bites the figurative bullet and works it undone.] -- E-xcuse me... - The door's unlocked, now -- I'm - going to stand back... -- just in case...

[Putting some distance between himself and the doorway as he says the last phrase, stops a bit to the side of center.]

Got it.

[[And Bakura opens the door slowly just incase, because the last thing he wants to do is smack Anthony in the face with the door.

Stepping inside, he pauses.

It was one thing to see Anthony's condition on video on his phone. It was quite another to see him in person.]]

...shit.

[[and he closes the door behind him]]

How are you feeling? Any different?

Mmh -- [Head down and shaking to carry that sound as a "no".

It isn't the most reassuring way to give the answer, he knows, even enough to make up for it not being an honest one; he hopes it comes as consciously-done, which it is, as opposed to weak, at least. He's worried he'd provide something else construable as cause for concern if he expressed it with more than that.]

[[a deep sigh]] At least there's that... [[shakes his head slightly]]

I almost wonder... if it might be better if you left town... [[there's a deep note of worry in his voice and he's trying so hard not to stare]] If this keeps happening...

[There's a jolt at the suggestion - it is one he's thought through in the past...]

I'd -- have - to come back... [He couldn't very well leave or arrange to leave alone, after all, and any reason he left would inevitably vanish clean out of memory along with the cause.] -- I - don't really want - this... -- coming back -- all at once... -- to - be honest... [He sounds as unsettled as he is by the thought - voice restricts and recoils thin.

There are other reasons he's appalled by the idea of needing to leave. He assumes however that they'd sound rather insane and feeble, under the circumstances.]

[[another sigh, smaller this time, and more defeated]] Can't blame you for that...

...it's a good thing you don't eat much any more, at least.

[[because he'd have a hell of a time of it now...]]

[Nngh, heavens, he really does not want to dwell on what's happened to his mouth!] - I mean it, Bakura, why did you - why did you think - you -- should actually come here...?

[Very much quicker than normal and muffled - in this particular case it's less actual inquiry on intent and more actively a diversion.]

[[there was a note of hesitation]] ...You were upset. So I was worried. [[He scuffs his sneaker on the floor as he admits this]] And you always say you're okay after everything even when it's pretty damned obvious you aren't...

[[another fidgety moment]] If I didn't chase after you, you would have shut me out. And you're not a jerkass like I am, you shouldn't have to.

[Raspy exhalation - he wishes he had something to say to that. Most prominently and acutely, it is only boosting his guilt over going and broadcasting that panic, visually with the shape he's in for all to plainly see, no less; he knows hardly anyone would believe that this's fine, though when he does say he is he means, at least, that it's as fine as it probably can be.]

This only -- upsets - people -- Bakura. -- I don't -- want - ...to have to keep to myself... -- I really don't - but any time I try - not to, it -- causes worry. You -- ...shouldn't have - to worry about it still, it -- it isn't - like anything can be done. -- That isn't being done already. I just -

[Cuts off with a sort of push in his throat. It's a swallow to buy time - he doesn't know if this is a bit of an awkward thing to say - but it's a dry and uncomfortable-sounding one. A bit of voice forces in.]

-- I uhm. [Adjusts tone. As levelly, gently earnest as possible.] -- I don't - want to think... -- that you - keep -- ...investing this much time - in me - because you're - obliged - to.

[That might have come out wrong, that might have sounded rude or condescending or more uncharitable than he'd intended but let's see how it's taken first...]

[[Bakura's hand went to his face. For someone who was so book smart, goddamn Anthony was an idiot sometimes...]]

For the love of god, Anthony, how many times do I have to say things before they get into your thick skull? I don't do shit out of obligation, I do shit because you're my goddamned friend.

And fuck upsetting other people. There's shit all over the place that upsets people, and plenty of it comes from people on network just being assholes! If you don't want to keep to yourself, you don't have to! Stop making yourself miserable because of what you think other people don't want to deal with.

I'm talking -- about worrying people - now... - including you.

There's -- [Stiff, restricted head-shake.] -- nothing we can do about this -- as long as I don't leave. -- And you're right - there's -- enough for people to - get concerned over. -- And some of it can -- actually - be "fixed". -- I don't want you thinking there's always something - else I need -- just by --

[He stops and takes a quick, wheezy breath - not because he needs to. It's filler to stall on saying something perhaps awkward again. He bites and gets it said quickly afterwards.]

-- Just by considering us friends you're -- doing as much as you can - ...

[[a deep sigh before Bakura puts a hand on Anthony's shoulder]] The more you try and duck away and hide and protest that everyone else's comfort is more important than anything else, the more worried I get, got it?

[[It's still a bit of a reprimand, but it's softer.]]

People who care worry. Some more than others. Shit, I worry probably more than anyone I know. [[There's a bit of sheepishness to that]] So when one moment you're full on tripping out and then you try and tell me you're fine half hour later, I'm gonna worry. Because you don't go back to "fine" after a fit like that. You go back to not having a fit and feeling horrible that you've had a fit.

[[voice of expenerance. Voice of recent experience at that...]]

And it's okay to admit things like that. It's okay not to be fine.

[[Despite Bakura's protest that therapy was useless and a waste of his time, it would appear that some of what he's been told over the years did sink in....]]

[Physical contact helps. It wasn't unexpected, but it still comes as a reassurance.

Thus he listens - keeps his eyes on Bakura's face, all the while, if somewhat in a corner, to show due attentiveness.

He'd still like to assert that he is fine. At least as much as he can be, and that's all he can seem to word - he's not going to say it now without proper way to pay respects to the rest of that in mind.

Leaves him letting out another breath instead - a thinner one. Eyes drift down - sheepishly, mostly. Takes a shuffle a tad closer, holding up one of his hands, on the side of Bakura's at-rest arm.

Requesting permission to acknowledge via bro-hug, in other words.]

[[blink. Blink blink. Glance from the hand to Anthony with an utterly puzzled expression.

Utterly clueless, he raises his own hand in a questioning sort of "Are you looking for a high five? Huh?" sort of way.

Which befuddles him because that wasn't a high five moment at all...

What you doing, Anthony?]]

[Likewise, pause and blinking. Look between Bakura's raised hand and his face.

Awkward flinch - not pained, simply awkward - and a grunting cough that would've been a throat-clear, shuffles back to the edge of arm's length.]

-- Uhhm. [Diagonally-cast downward look - awkward. Awkward, awkward, awkward...]

-- So you - don't think it's too -- ... [Eyes flick back up to Bakura.] ... -- off -- ...off-putting. ...For you - ...

[He is expecting a no. This is just another bit of bumbling filler, distract from that just then, stall time to get more that should be said in order.]

...for me to what?

[[Still confused as all hell. Especially at the shuffling back.]]

...what did I just miss the cue for?

-- N -- nothing - ! It's nothing -- [Backing-off-of-it failure - ] -- I'm only er -- ...

[Voice drops from its higher edge there to a more at-rest breathy point.] ... -- I - I don't have to be sorry that you're -- seeing - me like this... [Attempt at rephrasing the last question - he'd thought he was forming some other thought but was reeled back in there.]

Thirteenth Message [Video | Sheet of Paper]

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