Anthony (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
scramasax) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
savetheearth2013-10-21 09:59 pm
scramasax) wrote in savetheearth2013-10-21 09:59 pm
Entry tags:
- !open,
- #network,
- animorphs: aximili-esgarrouth-isthill,
- eternal darkness: anthony,
- homestuck: vriska serket,
- kamen rider blade: hajime aikawa,
- original: alexander varista,
- original: reilanin bainbridge,
- original: sandrath,
- parasol protectorate: randolph lyall,
- shadow of the colossus: wander,
- touhou project: marisa kirisame,
- yu-gi-oh!: bakura ryou
Thirteenth Message [Video | Sheet of Paper]
[This is Anthony appearing on the feed.
And this is Anthony looking worse than he's ever looked for anyone who last saw him before this evening. His skin's gone from gray to very dead off-white; his face is riddled with bloody holes, teeth exposed by a missing portion of lip and the corners of his mouth eaten away to something like a ragged, sloppy Glasgow grin; eyes are sunken and bruised brown, thickly-glazed over, and wide.
He's leaning slumped against the wall. His voice is still perfectly recognizable - and for its hush and its hoarseness is hysterical.]
-- I'm sorry... [Painfully, cringingly suppressed.] -- I'm sorry... it's - come off, my - arm's come off, my right arm -- [His right arm is in fact visible in the frame, and not only does it appear to be attached, it's working he's moving as if he doesn't expect he has a right arm and yet it isn't unresponsive. He's not only leaning his right shoulder against a wall, he'sbracing the arm against it.] -- I didn't think it - was actually - going - to come off -- I -- I don't know what -- I -- ...I need --
[Low, wavering voiced groan.] -- Someone -- please, someone help -- ...! Help -- help -- ...
[Breaks off suddenly - with another groan.
Thicker. Partly heaved through the nose - still pained, with a component of exasperation, or offense, or confusion. Not panicked. Something with more outright force or fight. Drops his forehead into - both hands, brought up to meet it.]
This isn't -- really happening -- ...!
[Drags off - again into a profoundly... mortified groan. It lasts between one and two seconds and thins to hoarse, shallow breaths to a stability. That too quiets down further - and Anthony cuts the connection. Takes enough care to keep it off him as he does so. Any replies he makes will come at least half an hour later.]
[Action]
[[another fidgety moment]] If I didn't chase after you, you would have shut me out. And you're not a jerkass like I am, you shouldn't have to.
[Action]
This only -- upsets - people -- Bakura. -- I don't -- want - ...to have to keep to myself... -- I really don't - but any time I try - not to, it -- causes worry. You -- ...shouldn't have - to worry about it still, it -- it isn't - like anything can be done. -- That isn't being done already. I just -
[Cuts off with a sort of push in his throat. It's a swallow to buy time - he doesn't know if this is a bit of an awkward thing to say - but it's a dry and uncomfortable-sounding one. A bit of voice forces in.]
-- I uhm. [Adjusts tone. As levelly, gently earnest as possible.] -- I don't - want to think... -- that you - keep -- ...investing this much time - in me - because you're - obliged - to.
[That might have come out wrong, that might have sounded rude or condescending or more uncharitable than he'd intended but let's see how it's taken first...]
[Action]
For the love of god, Anthony, how many times do I have to say things before they get into your thick skull? I don't do shit out of obligation, I do shit because you're my goddamned friend.
And fuck upsetting other people. There's shit all over the place that upsets people, and plenty of it comes from people on network just being assholes! If you don't want to keep to yourself, you don't have to! Stop making yourself miserable because of what you think other people don't want to deal with.
[Action]
There's -- [Stiff, restricted head-shake.] -- nothing we can do about this -- as long as I don't leave. -- And you're right - there's -- enough for people to - get concerned over. -- And some of it can -- actually - be "fixed". -- I don't want you thinking there's always something - else I need -- just by --
[He stops and takes a quick, wheezy breath - not because he needs to. It's filler to stall on saying something perhaps awkward again. He bites and gets it said quickly afterwards.]
-- Just by considering us friends you're -- doing as much as you can - ...
[Action]
[[It's still a bit of a reprimand, but it's softer.]]
People who care worry. Some more than others. Shit, I worry probably more than anyone I know. [[There's a bit of sheepishness to that]] So when one moment you're full on tripping out and then you try and tell me you're fine half hour later, I'm gonna worry. Because you don't go back to "fine" after a fit like that. You go back to not having a fit and feeling horrible that you've had a fit.
[[voice of expenerance. Voice of recent experience at that...]]
And it's okay to admit things like that. It's okay not to be fine.
[[Despite Bakura's protest that therapy was useless and a waste of his time, it would appear that some of what he's been told over the years did sink in....]]
[Action]
Thus he listens - keeps his eyes on Bakura's face, all the while, if somewhat in a corner, to show due attentiveness.
He'd still like to assert that he is fine. At least as much as he can be, and that's all he can seem to word - he's not going to say it now without proper way to pay respects to the rest of that in mind.
Leaves him letting out another breath instead - a thinner one. Eyes drift down - sheepishly, mostly. Takes a shuffle a tad closer, holding up one of his hands, on the side of Bakura's at-rest arm.
Requesting permission to acknowledge via bro-hug, in other words.]
[Action]
Utterly clueless, he raises his own hand in a questioning sort of "Are you looking for a high five? Huh?" sort of way.
Which befuddles him because that wasn't a high five moment at all...
What you doing, Anthony?]]
[Action]
Awkward flinch - not pained, simply awkward - and a grunting cough that would've been a throat-clear, shuffles back to the edge of arm's length.]
-- Uhhm. [Diagonally-cast downward look - awkward. Awkward, awkward, awkward...]
-- So you - don't think it's too -- ... [Eyes flick back up to Bakura.] ... -- off -- ...off-putting. ...For you - ...
[He is expecting a no. This is just another bit of bumbling filler, distract from that just then, stall time to get more that should be said in order.]
[Action]
[[Still confused as all hell. Especially at the shuffling back.]]
...what did I just miss the cue for?
[Action]
[Voice drops from its higher edge there to a more at-rest breathy point.] ... -- I - I don't have to be sorry that you're -- seeing - me like this... [Attempt at rephrasing the last question - he'd thought he was forming some other thought but was reeled back in there.]
[Action]
He shakes his head slightly]]
Don't apologize for stuff you have no control over. If this was you trying to get creative with body mod stuff, then you could be sorry. I'm not gonna start turning into a little girl going "EEEWW GROOOSS" or anything like that.
[[He might get a can of air freshener though. Because eesh. The worst kind of BO. Poor bastard]]
[Action]
[This is still detraction in lieu of coherent formation of meaningful thought, and meanwhile he'll try to keep guilt over the fact divulged out of this.]
[Action]
[Action]
[He actually says it almost casually, both in not wanting to turn it into another topic of discussion and his brain still working elsewhere.]
[Action]
[Action]
..I am -- appreciative that you care -- as much about - this -- as you do. -- I know everyone does... [Another clumsy trail-off. He actively combats the desire to follow it with another "but" - that'd defeat the purpose; he really does appreciate Bakura's prior reassurance, wants it clearly affirmed.]
[Action]