savetheearth | Thirteenth Message [Video

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Thirteenth Message [Video | Sheet of Paper]

[This is Anthony appearing on the feed.

And this is Anthony looking worse than he's ever looked for anyone who last saw him before this evening. His skin's gone from gray to very dead off-white; his face is riddled with bloody holes, teeth exposed by a missing portion of lip and the corners of his mouth eaten away to something like a ragged, sloppy Glasgow grin; eyes are sunken and bruised brown, thickly-glazed over, and wide.

He's leaning slumped against the wall. His voice is still perfectly recognizable - and for its hush and its hoarseness is hysterical.]

-- I'm sorry... [Painfully, cringingly suppressed.] -- I'm sorry... it's - come off, my - arm's come off, my right arm -- [His right arm is in fact visible in the frame, and not only does it appear to be attached, it's working he's moving as if he doesn't expect he has a right arm and yet it isn't unresponsive. He's not only leaning his right shoulder against a wall, he'sbracing the arm against it.] -- I didn't think it - was actually - going - to come off -- I -- I don't know what -- I -- ...I need --

[Low, wavering voiced groan.] -- Someone -- please, someone help -- ...! Help -- help -- ...

[Breaks off suddenly - with another groan.

Thicker. Partly heaved through the nose - still pained, with a component of exasperation, or offense, or confusion. Not panicked. Something with more outright force or fight. Drops his forehead into - both hands, brought up to meet it.]

This isn't -- really happening -- ...!

[Drags off - again into a profoundly... mortified groan. It lasts between one and two seconds and thins to hoarse, shallow breaths to a stability. That too quiets down further - and Anthony cuts the connection. Takes enough care to keep it off him as he does so. Any replies he makes will come at least half an hour later.]

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[Even though the video is quite startling, Xander was unaffected by the morbid display he was seeing. Instead, he was quite concerned for Anthony and it comes through his voice.]

Where are you Anthony?

[After that panic-induced indiscreet display - and all, for the second time, for nothing, nothing to deserve it, nothing needed from it, nothing to excuse it - Anthony had practically been hiding from his own message for awhile.

It is about twenty minutes later that he hears that Xander responded. The concern comes through indeed - and Anthony's pulled back down from trembling high on mortification one way to trailing low on it in another. He's sorry he's not given a response sooner, after making a scene like that, whenever exactly Xander's response came in, and that he needed to see that; if he recalls Xander hadn't even been on the network the first time he'd apparently cried wolf in August, couldn't have as easily suspected that it may be something like what had seemed to've happened then.

He's gathered enough by now to establish a connection through something that hadn't already been ready as the paper had at the time of the initial post. He dials his number into his cell phone, slowly, and talks. Keeps his voice at an unnaturally low monotone - to emphasize he's gotten his control in place. A little shake in there holding back an apology - he wants badly to apologize, but for heaven's sake it'd not do to make it sound as if he's worried as well!]

-- Xander -- was that -- ...Did you. -- Say something...? I'm - erm. -- I'm here...

[The twenty minute wait was a bit painful to endure. Xander was pacing inside of his apartment, wondering if more horrible things had befallen Anthony after he ended his post. He resists the temptation of venturing out to find him, reminding himself that he had nothing for a destination. So, he waited.

When the response comes through, a bit of relief surges through him. Anthony sounded better and that was a good thing.]

I did. I asked where I could find you, since I thought you were somewhere public and needed assistance.

[ wowwwwwww, alex has seen some gruesome shit, but anthony's latest development might take the cake. ]

Anthony, this is Alex. No, it isn't really happening. Your arm is still on you.

[ 'attached' sounds too clinical.

it quickly becomes obvious that anthony is not going to reply any time soon. alex hopes that background on the video was john's apartment because that's the only place he knows how to get to and he is too concerned about the level of panic in anthony's voice and the visible state he was in to sit around and wait for his reply.

as such, he throws on some clothes and climbs into his truck, keeping the line on his phone open in case anthony does reply as he drives to john and anthony's residence. ]

[His voice is quivering a bit here, only on rushing to the answer.] I-I'm not -- I'm not -- ...Don't worry -- ... I - know better. [Still very deliberately steadied. It's meant to be reassuring, not too abrupt or defensive.] -- I'm home... [A technical truth.]

Okay, that's good to know. [His voice is steady and calm, but still held some concern.] ...How are you feeling now?

[Anthony replies in time, without any thought that Alex might be coming let alone potentially well on his way by the time he does - as with Xander wrangling and forcing his voice very deliberately steady - steadier than in fact it'd not take much work to set it this long after that panic. - and feeling very guilty for having left a reply waiting.

For Alex, though, he'll not pretend there's no cause to worry to withhold the apologies.]

-- Hi, Alex -- [Thick and a bit croaked - not painful but because heavens he knows that's a strange if not improper way to start after that.] -- I know. I'm sorry, I - panicked - I'm -- ...sorry, I'm -- I'm sorry -- you had to see -- that... too... -- I'm - I'm all right.

[ trying to find parking at this time of night is a gamble, but alex manages to grab a spot just as anthony's voice fills the interior of the truck. he is immensely relieved just to hear it.

he's not going to call attention to the multiple apologies, not even to reassure him on that front, because he wants to move away from them if possible. ]

You sure? I'm nearby. Can I see you? Would you be okay with that?

-- I'm all right -- ...I promise -- I - ...feel better - than I look - ... [Destabilization on that - implicit rue over letting him - heaven's sake everyone on the network who might have seen - see how it does look whether they cared to or not.] ... -- Honestly --

[Brings his voice higher a bit - cadence still doesn't improve but simple puts it at a slightly higher active monotone, tries to say it as frankly yet with as little of a dark edge as possible.] -- I - was -- alarmed by how it looks and panicked -- ...This is new -- ...but I'm all right -- it uhm -- it always - ...looks worse than it - feels.

You don't - have -- to see me! [Any more than he already did with that mess! And for that matter how close by, how long has he been close by, yes, he is sorry for having gone that long without hearing the reply...]

I believe you. If I was in your situation, I would have done the same thing.

[ sounds like anthony doesn't want to be seen.

he bites down on his lower lip before replying. ]

No, I don't have to. I'd like to because you don't sound all right and I'm worried about you.

Would you -- ? That was... -- [Dry gulp.] -- That was inexcusable -- even I - don't -- know why I thought that -- ... [Thought that you-likely-understand-what.]

I'm all right - Alex, I swear -- I'm sorry... -- I'm so - sorry -- that I panicked; I - don't know -- why I did that badly, but it -- [He does not want to bring this up - but with no idea whether it may improve or worsen matters it may be best to be honest.] -- isn't the first time something like that's happened, I'll -- ...learn not to panic -- if there's a next time.

Yes. [If he was experiencing a physical change like that and the amount of fear attached to it.] ...There's no harm in asking for help, Anthony. Especially when you're suffering internally.

[Yet, here he was not taking his own advice that he was offering.]

I didn't need help -- that's the problem... There is - harm in that.

[He is going to leave the last comment untouched. He knows it'd be nonsense to deny it, but all the same it's nothing that can be helped - his stress has been all along caused by an inevitability, as it all seems to suggest.]

[She knew Anthony had been doing poorly, but this...Marisa doesn't even know where to START.]

Oh god...

[[Oh shi--]]

You're right, it isn't happening... your arm is still there. You're still moving it...

[[His voice is very clearly worried]]

Where are you, I'm coming.

[[because holy shit, this is not good. This is so not good... Getting his jacket, heading for his bike and heading for where Anthony was staying for lack of any other direction until he gets a reply.]]

Uh. Do you. Need a hand?

[ OH GOD WAIT NO THAT PUN WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENTIONAL

The message ends with a muffled agonised wail of misery and embarrassment. Does it even count as a pun if his hand/arm is still attached oh god she looks like an asshole oh man why does this keep happening she hates her stupid life ]

[Anthony responds to this, like the others, late, and in a tone actively held low - the evenness is dipping into docile apology, however; a little "worn out" after the other conversation.] -- I'm sorry, Marisa -- ...This is Anthony - I'm here, I - know - I'm -- fine...

[He wants to apologize that he made everybody see that - will wait to see if that might be prompted, to her, not going to devolve into more fuss.]

Don't -- don't... [Unless he, like Alex, already is at the time Anthony gives this response, rats...] -- It's finished - I'm fine... -- Sorry, Bakura...

[Apology hasted out with an all-the-more-sorry creak.]

What happened? Your arm looked...uh...

[Not, FINE, for sure. Nothing about Anthony looked fine.]

...still attached.

[And that's Octavia - and she made a crack about it, and she's wailing over something and yes he had every bit of this coming - he connects to respond not flushing, he hasn't the remotest idea if he can even do that, but something in his head careening with embarrassment on his end - she'd thought is was disturbing enough if he does recall when it wasn't nearly like this...]

I'm -- sorry -- you - had to see that -- Tavia... [Falling straight into that thought in this case.] -- I panicked over nothing, there was - no -- reason -- for me to scare people. [It coasts back into his more normal tone, frank, but still stilted as he says that - God in the context that sounds wrong somehow...]

It was -- it-it is... My uh -- ["I was imagining things" seems a daft way to put it in a case like this.] -- my mind -- was playing tricks on me... [Swallows. Pushed to stiff course through fluency.] I, umm -- ..."turned" again today. -- And I panicked - just when I saw - how - extreme it looks. -- I'm all right now. [Thick with what's in fact uncertainty, since he has no clue why even panic would cause him to imagine something like that, so potently, and not for the first time, either, but it is over with, at least for now.]

Who's scared? I'm not scared.

[ She's perhaps a touch overdefensive there, because goddamn is this some scary shit. But if she can cope with past life giant spiders and the fact that her boyfriend can spontaneously wrap himself in huge skinless hunks of meat and bone whenever he feels like it, then she can cope with this.

Probably.

Maybe. ]

You, uh. Don't even look that bad, bro. Yeah! Other than the whole. Panic attack thing you had going on there.

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Thirteenth Message [Video | Sheet of Paper]

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