five; text

[enrages]

hey, so the mine trip was a bust.
some chick hacked some emails and shit, and basically found some conversations that said the Sage of Earth of whatever was a total hoax, but that Thunder corp was specifically searching for something called "Target 1" underground.
considering how dumb it would be to just start digging tunnels and drilling everywhere, we assumed they'd be using the mines to search.

well, we were wrong. (big surprise)

i don't know if anyone ever really officially reported their findings or whatever.
basically, there were those weird blackfuzzy hairy things and it legit looked like they were on drugs.
that was about all we found, because everyone getting those weirdass pulses.
i sure do love when all our leads run dry!!!!!!!
^^^^sarcasm^^^^^



as for happy funtime karson updates, i finally passed out after staying awake for an entire goddamn month.
and completely hypothetically speaking and not linked to finally sleeping or any pulses i may or may not have had,
i have a question.
uh

does

anyone remember dying?
like, legit dying, you are dead and gone and there's no way you're coming back through magical superpowers and it's probably your fault that you died?


EDIT: according to people who can't be classified as legally insane because of lack of sleep, there was a buzzing sound in the mines.

Comments

[enrages]

YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED AT ALL TIMES.

[drama8om8]

THIS IS STILL A STUPID POINT YOU ARE MAKING ALAN DOESN'T WANT ME PREGNANT WE ARE NOT DOING IT NOBODY IS DOING IT I HATE MY LIFE.

[enrages]

YOU HAVE TO PREPARE FOR THE PREGNANCY.

[drama8om8]

THERE AIN'T GOING TO BE A PREGNANCY!

[enrages]

THAT'S THE RIGHT ATTITUDE TO TAKE.

[drama8om8]

Does that mean I passed your sex ed and you can go and Alan can touch my bra and you will never wink at me ever again?

[wirsinddiejager]

[OH HEY WHAT'S THAT

COULD IT BE THE DOORBELL???

DONG DING]

[drama8om8]

[ WHO WHERE?

I mean Tavia uses all her fairyspeed and fairygrace to run and answer the door before Karson can even blink. See what happens when you dare to sleep, Linda? I fucking godmode your ass is what. Fucker.

The Tavia that greets Alan is not a seductive bra-offering Tavia. It is a horrified glitter-shedding whirlwind of terror. ]

NO ALAN RUN IT'S NOT SAFE GO HOME SAVE YOURSELF--!

[wirsinddiejager]

What.

[drama8om8]

[ Oh god she needs a way to adequately communicate her plight

UM

OKAY PICKING UP THE CONDOMS AND STD LITERATURE AND FLINGING THEM AT ALAN ]

RUN! NEVER FORGET MEEEEEEEE!

[wirsinddiejager]

[OH GOD WHAT. WHY IS HIS GIRLFRIEND THROWING CONDOMS AT HIM AND TELLING HIM TO RUN. WHAT IS HAPPENING THIS IS DEEPLY DISTRESSING]







I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

[drama8om8]

YOU UNFAIRLY ATTRACTIVE FOOL.

[ Grabbing Alan's collar. And hissing: ]

You're too late.

He's already here.

[wirsinddiejager]

[Oh wow now it's kind of hot what even]

Uh. Who is.

[drama8om8]

Captain fucking Cockblock, you unbelievable cutiemoron.

[ THERE ARE TEARS IN HER EYES. THE HORRORS SHE HAS EXPERIENCED, ALAN

THE HORRORS ]

[wirsinddiejager]

[SUDDENLY IT ALL MAKES SENSE. THE CONDOMS. THE LITERATURE. THE TEARS. An expression of unadulterated horror dawns on Alan's face.]

We should run away. Together. Before he knows I'm here.

1/3

[drama8om8]

2/3

[drama8om8]

3/3

[drama8om8]

That's literally the hottest thing anybody ever fucking said take me away from all this.

[wirsinddiejager]

[He briefly considers sweeping her up in his arms or something but wisely decides against it, as he'd just end up dropping her and embarrassing them both. So instead he takes her hand and runs for it.]

[drama8om8]

[ SHE'S BEING SWEPT AWAY IN HER HEART, OKAY

TO FREEDOM ]

[wirsinddiejager]

[They probably manage to run all the way to the end of the block or something before having to stop to catch their breaths.

FREEDOM.]

D'you- [PANT PANT] -think he noticed we're gone.

[drama8om8]

He notices - [ HUFF ] - everything. Like I wouldn't be surprised if he was already here again how does he do that it's unnatural as fuck.

[ GAZING FEARFULLY AT EVERY BUSH

EVERY

BUSH

KARSON COULD BE IN ANY OF THEM ]

[wirsinddiejager]

Hey, no. Shh. He's- [WHEW] -not gonna catch us.

[PUTTING HIS HANDS ON HER SHOULDERS AND PULLING HER CLOSE PROTECTIVELY

THIS IS ROMANTIC AS FUCK]

[drama8om8]

Asdfalpszrgk.

[ OKAY YES THIS IS GOOD. If she curls in to Alan then she doesn't have to look around waiting for Karson to appear and start sprinkling them with home herpes tests.

 

WAIT SHIT ]

Quick!

[ Pulling her collar to the side to reveal bra strappage

NOT QUITE WHAT SHE HAD IN MIND BUT WHATEVER ]

Hurry touch it just to say you did go go go.

[wirsinddiejager]

Azxlwlprx.

[OH GOD. HE'S GOING TO DO IT.

HE'S GOING TO TOUCH THE BRA.]