savetheearth | video; via smartphone

video; via smartphone

Hah! Hah! Fuck all of you assholes with your stupid dumb fancypants power shit. Fuck you! Because I have a real superpower now. The best and most useful and cool and impressive one and you are all going to feel sorry for ever thinking my abilities were lame!

[ With a triumphant nyaaahh, Octavia sticks her tongue out at her phone and then turns it towards the TV. It's tuned in to one of those 24-hour live shopping channel broadcasts - a female presenter is currently hawking overpriced fake jewellery to the viewers. ]

"...And this beautiful piece can be yours for only three hundred dollars! But even if you wear this overpriced piece of shit, you won't be as hot as Octavia."

[ While uttering her slightly-suspect words, the presenter has an unsettlingly slack look to her limbs and a completely vacant expression. It's creepy as hell. After she's done speaking she claps her hands over her mouth in surprise, and Octavia turns the phone back towards her own grinning face. ]

Haha! See? I toooooooold youuuuuuuu! I can make anybody do anything I want any time I want to and it is going to be amazing.

[ She may be exaggerating just a teensy bit. (Permissions post is here!) ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

YOUR BUTT IS ILLEGAL.

Illegally great, maybe!

Illegally illegal. You're breaking so many laws with those thunder thighs and that stick butt.

How can I be bre-- I-- There are no butt laws!

Have you read the constitution?

THERE IS NOTHING ABOUT BUTTS IN THERE.

Have you read it?

No.

The 10th amendment clearly states that any laws not established by the federal government can be written by the states. This state has a strict No Ugly Butts policy.

MY BUTT ISN'T UGLY!

Empirically denied, sorry.

ADMIT MY BUTT IS ACCEPTABLE-TO-HOT!

.....Your butt is so acceptable, it's hot. title or description

GODDAMNIT.

You will never win an argument again.

STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND, THAT IS SO CREEPY.

You basically forced me into it! So now we are square.

And also still friends.

We're still friends, right.

Look, friends have boundaries. Boundaries when dealing with individual autonomy. Have you ever heard the saying: "You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose"? That's because by picking your friend's nose, you're invalidating their experiences as a human being and are taking away their agency, because you don't believe they can handle the daily task of nose-picking on their own. That's irresponsible as a friend, and it shows that the relationship isn't built on trust, like a proper friendship should be.

In this case, the saying should be amended: "You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your friend's nose nor can you mind-control your friend into picking his own nose, because that's fucked up."

All valid points, but what if the results were really funny. Like really super funny.

It's only funny if it happens to Alan.

It's funny with both of you and you know it. You are supposed to be done with being mean to Alan, Karson! There were fake muggings and that counts as bonding and the two of you are friends now. super best buddypals. Remember the hug.

He's just... So loud, though. And kinda an asshole.

Are you seriously not getting the hypocrisy or whatever in what you just said.

I'm not as bad as he is.

You are exactly as bad. Like sometimes I close my eyes and I can't tell you guys apart.

No, don't say that.