[video]

[wirsinddiejager]

[Alan looks terrible, like he hasn't slept for a couple of days. (That would be because he hasn't.) He's still feeling nervous about bringing up the scorpion encounter and potentially having to mention his weird outburst, but he figures the network should know about it. Might as well do it now, when he's too tired to care much.]

Uh, hey. There was this big purple scorpion...thing running around the other night? It stung people and made them laugh like morons for hours.

[He yawns and rubs at his eyes, then takes a sip of coffee.]

Anyway, it was following Octavia and she led it to my house because for some reason she thought I might have a gun and, uh, we killed it. Together. It was a team effort. Go us.

That's pretty much it, just though you guys might want to hear about it.

Comments

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[enrages]

ugh.

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[drama8om8]

Are you ughing at Alan being a cutie buggles or you being a cutie buggles?
(Motion to dub the three of us the "Cutie Buggles Trio.")

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[enrages]

i am just sighing at the word "buggles."
it reminds me of bugles, you know those little salty snacks that you can put on your fingers and pretend they're fingernails?
that's all i'm picturing here.

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[drama8om8]

I don't even fucking care, we are Team Buggles now.
Your concerns about buggles are not even being taken into consideration because of you being a huge tremendous dick to Alan!
I hope this encourages you to think very hard about what you have done, Karbuggle.

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[enrages]

what
why do i have to be nice to alan?
he's crazy and murders things.
my fucking name shouldn't be a status that's linked to how i treat fucking ALAN.

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[drama8om8]

He is NOT CRAZY and he murdered like ONE THING.
One thing that already stung both of us and tried to eat him or something!!!!!!!!
I have a HOLE in my leg where it got me, Karson. It might scar and render me unattractive FOREVER.
That's not murder. It's self-defense! He is a FUCKING HERO and you should apologise. >8|

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[enrages]

what about its family???

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[drama8om8]

WHat about ALAN'S family????????

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[enrages]

there had to have been another way, okay???
where nothing and no one has to die.

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[drama8om8]

IT CHASED ME FOR EIGHT SOLID HOURS.

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[enrages]

DID YOU TRY FEEDING IT?

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[drama8om8]

DID YOU TRY FEEDING THE FUCKING DEER.

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[enrages]

I WOULD HAVE IF I HAD TIME.

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[drama8om8]

Ok think of it this way.
What would you do if I just came up and fucking BIT you. Would you scream and yell for help or would you THROW ME A GODDAMN FUCKING SADNDWICJ ARE YOU RETARDED.

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[enrages]

I WOULD TRY TO FIGURE OUT IF YOU HAD RABIES OR SOMETHING KILLING THINGS IS NEVER RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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[drama8om8]

SELF DEFENSE IT WAS GOING TO KILL ALAN IT WAS THE SCORPION OR US WHAT IF IT HAD GOT CRAB.
WHAT IF
IT
GOT
CRAB
BECAUSE ALAN DIDN'T KILL IT.

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[enrages]

IT WOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN CRAB DON'T BRING HIM INTO THIS.

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[drama8om8]

WHAT IF.
You are LUCKY that somebody as cool as Alan is around! Or YOU would have been the one who got me and the scorpion showing up at his place and YOU would have had to kill it! Or it would have eaten your dog. Probably.
So basically you should thank him for SAVING CRAB'S LIFE!

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[enrages]

I WOULD HAVE FOUND SOME OTHER WAY THAT WOULDN'T RESULT IN THINGS DYING, OKAY?
THAT'S WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE.

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[drama8om8]

So why do you own a gun. 8|

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[enrages]

for the deterrence.

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[drama8om8]

Giant scorpions don't know what guns are, so they ain't deterred by them. 8|

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[enrages]

i bet they're scared of loud noises!

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[drama8om8]

People screamed at it a LOT and it didn't scare it off. 8|

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[enrages]

screams sound like prey!
guns sound like terror!